Sunday, February 01, 2009

dearwhosoeverwhereeveryouare...

must have turned some kind of corner...

this small, tight world is working better for me. these pages feel like a friend again. voice returning. i'm getting a little more used to the idea that i have not ceased to exist...

the carousel of regret still turns but it's spinning slower... and as i prepare to step off and into a new kind of living - starting on morsels that will become moments becoming hours then days into future that draws me magnetic, there's glimpses of shine... glinting sparks of life... flutterings of quiet hope... change is coming and i feel relief...

and i find i still believe that there's lips that don't need to betray out there waiting... one day you might find me... i only hope like me, you believe you don't need to hide forever... but perhaps you're slaying dragons of fear of your own... or perhaps you're tenderly holding a nest filled with wishes... you're out there... somewhere... perhaps you're trying out words of kindness without fear on those lips of yours... shaping yourself around them... trying courage on for size... being yourself in quiet moments when no one's looking... taking off your mask and feeling your face just like i do... wondering if it could be loved without complication, just as you are... standing at the sink imaging being welcomed without you having to front it... catching your eyes reflected in the mirror... you dare to dream someone could look through with love into you without you needing to be on defense... in silent corners your dare to hope that one day you'll be happy to be small and unimpressive and finally feel you're worthy of relating without pretense... we'll get along so well, you and i... you won't mind my bruises, nor i yours... we won't mind our own... i hope we find us... and if not, may we do more than exist with this life we've got... dear you... i believe you're out there... i hope we recognise each other... til then, i'm learning to look up without fear... but like you, i'm learning to be patient...

LB

3 comments:

  1. I'm so pleased if things are looking up, keep believing, and hoping, and living patiently...being just as beautiful as you are being you.

    People recognise beauty in one another, whether they collide or merely brush past one another, and who knows when whoever it is may cross paths with yours...

    I am certain you'll recognise one another,

    Take care,
    RD,x

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  2. some great stuff in that last paragraph. my favorite line is "your dare to hope that one day you'll be happy to be small and unimpressive and finally feel you're worthy of relating without pretense..." reminds me of some different but related thoughts I had on a road trip recently, listening to Sam Phillips latest CD..."I, I love you, when you're useless, when you don't do anything...". wondering if that kind of unconditional love is even possible between two human beings. in my better days I hope it is, and think maybe I've seen something of it in at least one couple I know...but mostly I have to admit that at this point in my life I'm rather cynical - perhaps just in my own ability to recognize it or tell the difference between the mask and the real deal, thinking the one was the other and realizing I still haven't learned a thing yet...

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  3. that's a great line... yeah... huh... i dunno...i too carry cynicism... i have no idea what's possible... but this much i do know: there's always damage in putting others on pedestals. just as masks cause damage. the real deal is probably about being loved as ordinary... i'd like to think the unconditional is possible... but i'm not sure if i'd recognise it... 'cause i've certainly be fooled in the past...

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