Saturday, December 29, 2007
this has been a beautiful Christmas thus far. peacefilled from midnight mass at Clonard monastery on christmas eve. filled with good friends. lounging by the fireplace. feeling comfort. and warmth. and goodwill.
and disconnected. from my surroundings and from myself...i am divided in two down some unseen but very felt fault line. a piece of me... not here. but out there. somewhere. living a whole new adventure of a life that has already begun and yet, not yet... all of this is to come... that is i guess what it means to be a beginning. here at the start we have more to come than has been before...
but then, as he says, there is a beauty in having someone to miss... i guess this is a kind of privilege. a gift for sure... i feel connected as much as i feel i am missing... having someone to miss is having someone... and i find myself shaking my head in wonderment as to how all this came to be... all this... with so much yet to come... i have no real sense of whether i chose this or it was chosen for me... i'm not sure i even need a distinction... something is profoundly alligned in these days as much as they are time (zones) out of joint...
i feel like i've come home. and immediately plucked from it. i feel like adventure waiting to happen... but it is already happening... i was already home, and already adventure... but now i find myself on a path with another... the lesson of these days is how to live in the present. how to focus on what is here and now. when so much of me wants to be elsewhere... present in other moments... other places... to be mindful of all that one has... and be gratitudinal to my very core for the homecoming and the adventure of who i am, of who he is and of what we are and may become if the fates allow... the past requires me to take each fragile gentle step in turn... and each step is meant to be lived for itself even as they bring us closer together... the journey is everything... moments stringing together... to make a future on which to look back... may i always be gratitudinal to be sojourning with another soul like his, even now, with so much distance... because distance is only miles... these days apart are only time... and where there is profound encounter... deep resonance of souls... where there is love unfolding... there is no distance at all... but only possibility... and the eternal yes that we can only hear when we are truly present...
patience is a virtue. why do virtues always seem to test us...?
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas one and all.
i killed my laptop. don't ask. no. don't. new one arrives later this week. then normal service really will return.
needless to say, i've been falling fast and hard in love with a bohemian grunge mountain boy. and all is well with the world. so very very well. there is a big chunk of me in Denver, Colorado right now overlooking the rockies and snow covered fields.
hope you enjoy this... i've been saving it for months for this very moment...
have a blessed and meaningfilled season...
Saturday, December 15, 2007
we have a functioning laptop.
we have a functioning relationship.
and i have no idea where to begin...
read the saftey instructions in the back of the seat in front of you until further notice.
normal service will resume shortly. as soon as i've worked out what kind of narrative this ought to be...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Jayne and I decorated said tree and it looks beautiful. I plan to spend some chunks of 2008 in Tucson.
Before she heads to Nepal for the holiday season. Colour me feeling love, peace and joy. Listening to Ohio by OtR. So beautiful. LB's somebody's baby. So beautiful. Like home.
It's all transforming.
it's all to come.
Saturday, December 01, 2007
i have gotten to know some beautiful people in this past week. i can't believe it's only been that long. so much has gone on, seen so many new things, been awakened to a landscape that has moved me in a unique way, been surprised by joy.
and i feel sadness creeping in around the edges, each hour now seems coated in the patina of the precious as i know i have to leave. i am looking forward to choosing my Christmas tree, hanging out with Jayne by the fire as we hang each decoration with care and talking and singing carols... of seeing familiar faces and reconnecting with those i love. but Everything But The Girl had it so right and this weather is not normal. dryer days are gonna return and this will only be a memory...
this has been a great trip for ikon. today we will be collaborating for the second time in a week on a service and we've a unique ikon gathering under our belt, called ::broken::
but personally, this has been a deep experience of living and being. this place and the people in it have got to my core. buried their way beneath my skin with a sense of connection i didn't think i was capable of with unfamiliar faces. i sat last night on the porch trying to memorise every curve and line of every feature, every look and sparkle in each one.
i am so blessed to live within a community of friends that are the best kind of family by choice. and here i sit surprised to find there's somewhere else i could embed myself. to want ::here:: is to know i can't be in two places at once however hard i try...
i just realised i don't have an advent calendar. and here i am counting the days 'til i can get back.
once you've had it, you're in an awful fix...