after 7 hours huddled over the keyboard filling out a now submitted application to university i am left with nothing but
(1) tears of relief to have beaten the most !@£$%^& annoying online form i have ever had the despair of encountering,
(2) a smidgen of hope that i might get accepted,
(3) a big dollop of fear in my gut that i won't and i'll have to come up with a plan B, and
(4) a burning pain across my shoulder blades that only appear eased if i avoid standing up straight and stay at the laptop typing.
but it's not all knots of frustration...
i don't know why the weather report to the right says mostly cloudly because the sun has been shining brilliantly all day with only the wispiest clouds high above flitting by. it's made for a nice view from my desk.
and my day has been peppered with lovely back 'n'forth emails with lovely people, and some surprise messages too, all of which have made me smile and feel warm gratitude at knowing the kind of folks that drop you messages for no reason than to say, "hello" and send loving words out of the blue.
oh, and this morning i submitted a piece for the Queermergent blog (linked in the side bar over there --->). so that feels like another little achievement. it'll be published in a few weeks in two parts. i'd been struggling with it for weeks in belfast, but here at my desk looking out at the trees, my head seems mercifully less cluttered, and so tidying it up today came with refreshing ease.
right, i'm (hobbling like an 80 year old) off to my parentals' to be fed a fry up for tea and then it's into a scalding shower for me to try and work out these knots.
oh, and universe, if you should have a plan B in mind for this autumn, make it a good 'un please. i've done the best i can manage with plan A and i sure don't have an alternative waiting up my sleeve...