it spans back over several months...and it was a real battle to try and write with the freedom i desire while outside of the relative safety net i feel on these pages...i can't hide behind relative anonymity, the piece will be published under my real world identity and that is a small shift in many respects but also a major one...quite a headfuck in fact...it covers a lot of familiar ground for LoserBaby visitors, and i wanted to say thanks to those of you who not only visit but feed back to me with your thoughts... as i pushed on through the fear barrier to complete it i kept reminding myself that there are those who seem to like how i write and have told me so, and that if i could just stay in an LB frame of mind while thinking of you folks i could do it...but confessional honest writing is not easy when you know that the universals you are trying to express are universal because they arise out of very real and often painful particulars of experience... not only my own...but those of others... and thus it was a grief stricken process in its own way... but not one without hope... the :insights: section of the gb site is meant to be light theological reflection... i doubt my piece could be described as such... but it is a heartfelt expression of what redemption might mean in our narrative... of how we find the kingdom when we are in the desert, and even in a life that seems to be :after God:...
in addition to quotes from coupland and buechner, dotted through the text there are unackowledged snippets, turns of phrase if you will... from padraig, sarah masen, david gray, glenn hansard (post script: and chris, and (i think i'm right in saying) judee sill by way of shawn colvin and adam phillips, ha, way too many heroes)... and to the :stranger who is no stranger:... you know who you are... without whom this would not have been written, and for that, you have my deepest gratitude...for your words, your encouragement to accept the challenge in the first place, and most importantly for the honesty of telling me your story and giving me space to tell mine...
work has been pretty busy and it was hard to step into the headspace i needed to be in...i stole away to the pub for a couple of hours and with a cup of coffee and a few smokes tried to immerse myself in the landscape i was describing... and there i did find hope...i got a part of me back i thought i had lost...
anyways, it's done. after a nervous overnight wait, paul likes it. and if no one else does, well, i did what i set out to do.
i hope i might get the opportunity again, and that the next things i might write will come more easily and with less angst... the first cut is the deepest i guess...
i'll let ya know when it's up on the site. and i hope it's worth your time...
::
in other news, saw :the squid and the whale: last night at tuesday group :movie nite:
loved it. so much.
LB,x
1) Squid and whale... saw it on The vineyard with S&D. LOVED it.
ReplyDelete2) so proud you got it done. I can't wait to read it.
xx
it's very cary and very good
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