there are some who doubt there is a god. who'd make it up if there wasn't.
some days that's been me.
some days i wish there was no god. that i could unmake it.
unmake god.
unmake love.
unmake peace.
unmake kindness.
unmake care.
unmake compassion.
unmake patience.
unmake desire.
unmake beauty.
unmake magic.
unmake light.
unmake hope.
unmake giving.
i am so tired.
i feel the weight pressing down.
feel my frame buckling under.
and i damn the god who will not let me give up.
but i cannot unmake it. cannot kill what is both beyond and inside me.
to kill that god would be to cut out my own heart.
and it refuses to let me do it.
i am exhausted by the heartache.
just as i am exhausted by the hope that makes me drag myself forward into another day.
i wish god would pass by on the other side of the road. leave me behind...
i wish god would unmake god.
because i cannot do it.
but somedays i don't know how i can keep going...
somedays i can barely hold up my own weight...
and i am tired of being dragged on...
LB
i wrote this really bad poem when i was a teenager. and then, years later, foy vance wrote this really amazing song along the same theme....
ReplyDelete'If there’s one thing that I know
It is the two shades of hope
One the enlightening soul
And the other is more like a hang man’s rope
It’s true you may reap what you sow
But not that despair is the all time low
Baby hope deals the hardest blows...
Yet I cannot help myself but hope'
it is harder to know the light. i really think it is. every damn thing is exposed. thinking of you. xx
touching fingertips and thinking of you...RD,x
ReplyDeletesincere thanks for your thoughts both.
ReplyDeleteMT - i must get a hold of foy's album. my ears and soul are impoverished by the lack.
RD - that reminds me of some imagery from way back. if i'm right in that guessing, your memory astounds me.
the days are getting a little brighter.
LB