wrote the following mid-sunday... rest of my weekend news will be posted sometime on monday.
for now, i am off to bed. nitey nite. x
::
So, one tearful farewell and he’s gone. We packed a lot in to just a few days but we have created many wonderful memories.
Saying goodbye was hard. As hard as I imagined and harder still… as I write I am sitting, as I always do on a Sunday, in Clements… sitting with dani, gail, jonny and charlie and it’s soothing the feeling of aloneness I felt as walked out of the airport this morning… reminding me that I am cared for, inspired by charlie’s infectious mirth…
I have been blessed to have this last week with ewan… to feel the security of his presence, the ease of being. The shared memory and history, the laughter… he makes me laugh like no other…he has the wealth of characters inside him, being with him is like having a walking talking version of all your favourite TV comedies with you and they magically know exactly just the right punch line to make you smile…and yet… and yet he never uses comedy to avoid the harshness or sadness of life… laughter is never used to avoid tears…
willow and devon have joined us. willow and gail are discussing their upcoming trip to rome… and in between the talk of piazzas and trattorias willow and I are laughing out loud at a series of quotes from comediennes in the Observer…
I feel my bond with him in my DNA… I still at times can’t believe that we live so far apart… and my missing of him is a constant undercurrent to my life… an incompleteness only matched by the completeness that comes with knowing he loves me and that nothing can ever stop him from being my brother… nothing can ever change that… it is a constant… what we have is unbreakable in this life and whatever comes next… home is where ever he is…
As I write these words tears fill my eyes… Van Morrison plays over brunches and conversations and Sunday papers… I am loved… I have love… there is an ache in my heart as emotions stream down my face… but I think of his smile and his hold and his words as he left and I know that for love…because of love… for that which holds the universe together…somehow we are all taken care of. That I am taken care of. And for that colour me truly, blessedly gratitudinal…
And all will be well.
And all will be well.
LB,x
::Women complain about PMS, but I think it is the only time of the month I can be myself:: - Roseanne Barr.
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