Saturday, April 09, 2005

5 days later - in gratitude

well , big thanks go to pip wilson for caring about my whereabouts or lack thereof.

this is the curse of the blog - at the very time when you need people to be throwing up good thoughts into the ether for ya, your life is just too damn busy to even check your email, let alone think about getting a blog posted.

so here is the last five days in shorthand:
sunday: bad day that started out so well - with a seemingly disasterous encounter with technology (see monday). cried watching dr who. long phone chat with ewan. snow in toronto. he continues to confound me with his beauty. i am so glad he's with Miriam.
i miss them so damn much it still aches.
monday: walked to work absolutely terrified that i had killed the external hardrive of a dear colleague, having borrowed it to share music. in tears by the time i reached the office. what a way to start your first full time week on a job. nathan, said colleague, totally unfazed. did everything he could to put me at ease. he is living grace incarnate. but "what if i really have killed the hard drive?" still keeps me from deep restorative slumber.
tuesday: worked a full day and then most of night. 3 hours sleep. for the last time, typed reports of child abuse. listened to dennison witmer as comfort. (see title for link) tears on the keyboard.
wednesday: wrecked. see tuesday. was thinking about jude as i drank my large mochaccino to go with extra shot of espresso - that just maybe i was getting a taste of what her months of inhumanly long working hours must have felt like. and as i mused on this in my foggy state she sent me one of her serendipitous 'i love you' texts as she journeyed to work. spooky and beautiful in equal measure.
headed to padraig's for dinner at night. wine. great food. wine. great chat. wine. great people. wine. a game of cranium. need i say dani and were slightly drunk. i was warm in the bosom of people i adore. and i celebrated finally only having one job - the great weight lifted. anna calls. we are booked to go to edinburgh for a weekend in june for a luverly girls (and boys) reunion.
thursday: helped coordinate much needed spring cleaning at work. went for 'one pint' with my colleague, mary, at twenty past five. left pub at eleven. twas a very big pint of guinness m'lud. level five communication. much shared. much learnt.
friday: more spring cleaning. hormonal. feeling the lack of not being able to access hotmail or blog from my work station. nervous about tattoo. nathan called as i walked to meet pete and ricky for weekly ikon planning meeting. the hard drive is not dead. and he will be able to hear the 2.1 GB of music i shared with him. he wanted to put my mind at rest. what a dear soul he is. ikon meeting agreed will be ::virgin territory:: (exploring sexuality) on 24 april. gave way to a couple of hours in company of dani and deb - who are so vibrant and beautiful.
so full of energy. they know a lot abut colouring your hair and i think that may be my next ::first time for everything:: adventure. jude called while we were chatting. her first live week with steve lamaqc has gone great. she's coming to the next ikon. will we come to france for a week? hell yes..
home: HUGE debate with michael over tattoo. all's well that ends well. it's going ahead. 2.30 saturday after zero28 meeting. argument resolved and a promise that michael will enthusiastically accompany me to tattooo parlour. i check email for first time since sunday. more mail than i know what to do with but to learn a friend is destined to survive her cancer battle. beautiful self penned poetry from padraig. gareth wants me to write for the zero28 website. he has faith in my ability. pip has been worried have i fallen off face of earth.

so much good stuff. so many beautiful human beings.

so. roll call. will we please be upstanding and raise a glass to:
michael, ewan, mir, jude, pip, nathan, dani, deb, padraig, the luverly girls, mary, claire, gareth and pete: none of it makes sense unless i'm living it with you in engaged commitment.
i feel so wrapped in bubble wrap. i hope i can return the gesture .

said to dani and deb - why don't we have commitment ceremonies for our friendships. to make vows and say, "i plan to love you 'til i die?" why indeed?

in the meantime - i need to hit the hay and rest for the big day.

if the tattoo gets cocked up - the meaning holds. this right now is the truth i believe so strongly i will brand it to my skin:

from the beginning to the end: the secret name of God is Love. YHWH - AMOR.

mum always said God moves in mysterious ways but God nearly always moves through people. i think maybe she was onto something...

x.



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