Thursday, July 22, 2010

a breadcrumb trail; or, speaking of faith

I'm about to dive into a big chunk of writing for school but had to pause to just marvel at the way things unfold... of the moments that end up having so much more significance than one could foresee...
this is me tracing a path to find it scattered with breadcrumbs... to delight in the sheer audacity of truth's persistance...of the constancy of what matters most...

Because this morning with Joel still in Berlin, as we chatted over the miles he reminded me of a conversation we had by a fire...

Because earlier this morning, at the very moment i was drafting a mail to Joel about Speaking of Faith, he forwarded me an email exchange we shared from this very day one year ago. the exchange was what we came to call 're-enacting the future'. in those days before we confessed the full complimentarity, mutuality and particularity of 'us', it was an expression of everything we had been, everything we were becoming, everything we are and are still becoming now...
the title of the mail he forwarded was 'the latest SoF'...


Because a few moments before that on my twitter feed came this from Speaking of Faith's softweets.... and i laughed with delight...


(click image to enlarge)

Because last night my nephew-to-be Patrick, wrote:

Sometimes truth doesn't need doctoring to be its own art

Because yesterday on SoF's blog, Pádraig shared this beautiful reflection on the stories of division and reconciliation being told and needing to be told in Northern Ireland...

Because in October 2008 i shared where i was in my life with a room in Vanderbilt, filled with friends and strangers... i shared an essay and a piece of performance poetry accompanied by Steve and Charlie (text)... (podcast version here)
I remixed Krista Tippett and John O'D with Lester Bangs, Wendell Berry with Buechner, Bloc Party and Tunng...folded together the inspiration of Pádraig and Colm Mac Con Iomaire...and unfolded myself in a confession of what it meant for me to be broken and resurrected...




That night as I spilled out my words, my arm was still healing...

Because a couple of days earlier I sat in the fall air on Belmont Boulevard and crafted words of hope out of my fragility to share with others... and then i stopped. i got up and walked over to the tattoo palour across the street and got some new ink... as a reminder that even though i was on my knees and trying to pick up the pieces of myself, i was being held together by the shelter of love... truth indelible, so i wouldn't forget... would not lose faith.



Because a few days before that, Joel and I sat by a bonfire... getting to reconnect in person for the first time in four years.

Because an hour before that on that same night by that fire was when David told me Julie was going to be out of town and asked would I come to Vanderbilt in her place and share some thoughts on music and the truthfulness of being broken... what Sarah and I called the art of collapse... and I knew that if I was going to write about being in pieces, and I would also write about that which mattered most...

Because on 25 December, 2007 in Belfast, Pádraig and I shared Christmas together. as we sat by the fire and exchanged gifts I opened up a card he'd made... brown paper with a little star and a line of writing in Irish...

"What's this?" I asked. He translated.
"That's gonna be a tattoo", we unisoned in mirth.

::

Pád has been a true embodiment of shelter in my life. I am so glad that so many others get to be blessed by his capacity for wisdom and poetry. I cannot imagine the shelter of the community that has blessed and continues to bless my life without him in it. I would not have these words for it, if it were not for him...

But it's not the words. It's the truth they represent. And the ever-present reminder of not only him, but of Joel and all these people who bless me with their embodiment of that truth. For them, I am so very grateful...

Whatever comes, today, on this path, looking back at this unfolding future that was being re-enacted without us even knowing it, for all brokenness that has brought me to here, I cannot but say -- I have been deeply blessed by the persistance of Love I can only hope I will learn to embody half as well...

:: ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine ::

LB

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