in which we scrubbed up

Ben & Alyson got married on Thursday and threw a rather marvelous bash to celebrate.
Which meant Jayne, the Willow and LB got to go dancing... the girls glammed up and i got into a suit and we promptly had a wonderful time on the 'floor with Phil at the decks.
Willow thought it the highlight of September, so here it is for posterity.
thanks & love ladeez for a great nite. you both looked lovely. congrats to the happy couple. next nuptuals is lynn and james. which means there is shoe shopping to be done in dublin. oh, what a shame.

LB, x

i am waiting...

i cannot believe it. i am in a near fugue state. totally unproductive. behind in everything. as if dislocated from the present and suspended - waiting. waiting. waiting. unable to believe it's about to happen. in less than 24 hours i meet my neice for the first time.
the expectation has me sidetracked. for going on 2 weeks. i've got nothing completed. no stable routine save for hours spent in a daze where nothing has felt concrete.
tomorrow is the landing back down only to be no doubt thrown again.
nothing is real in these days because she is not real. that i will finally hold her is not real. my world has become an abstract just as she is an abstract. a series of two dimensional images and anecdotes.
soon she will be flesh and blood and everything will become hyper-real.

family has always been about loss. this, her, my neice, she is arrival. i cannot contend with the weight of emotion at seeing this child. this girl. she is blessing without denial or avoidance. loving without condition. she is part of my genetic line. even in the abstract as part of my brother, she is part of my father, and my mother and my grandparents. and she is therefore part of me.

science can prove it. but i do not need dna to know it. i feel it coming. and this girl will be a rupture.

today i am standing on a precipice, awaiting the drop... the fall... the falling in love with. expectancy weighs heavy and yet in the headlong, i will feel pressure lift and falling apart will be a falling together.

love is gonna crush the air.
i am an aunt. and tomorrow it all becomes real. this is the last day i will ever live without knowing what it is like to touch her or look into her eyes and have Sequoia look back... it is beyond comprehension. but my being vibrates under the meaning...

and so for a few more hours, i wait...

LB,x

ain't no short cut

Gail is off to Amerikay for a few months.
i pulled together a compilation for her to enjoy on the many miles she'll be covering on the highway...got me in a country mood.

but it's time to come back to Belfast. i've spent the past few days in the southern states, dreaming of wide open spaces and figuratively being on the open road. so much so that i totally forgot i now have therapy on a Monday morning. which is a rubbish way to start one's week.

but putting lessons into practise in the spirit of self forgiveness and not wasting any more time bashing myself over the head with Mallett's mallet (see exhibit A) - and below is the song that pulled me out of Monday morning self loathing and into a fresh mode of outlook.

Exhibit A. note - handbag sized edition of mallet.



i'm off to get dressed - a package arrived from truffleshuffle.com - now, do i wear my top gun (co-sign Maverick) t-shirt (sleeves about to cut off), my little miss sunshine zip up hoodie or my thundercats belt? or just this once, all 3 in an act of flagrant 80s nostaligic brand overdosing?

::

The Long Way Around -- the dixie chicks

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

::

let's start this week over... now.

LB,x

DJ Shadow goes to Africa with Oxfam

"Music is my religion."

Hit this link to get to the Oxjam pages.