ring out the old, ring in the new

what about what's good,
what's true from those days?

- carry me ohio, sun kil moon

::

as i travelled by train today, i started writing a gratitude list for the outgoing year. this is a work in progress. i'll be adding more as i recall them...

in absolutely no order of relevance whatsoever, these are things i was and am grateful for:

+ cookie making with sylvia and zoe
+ lying in the hammock with Asher in my arms
+ beautiful day trips to beautiful places: mount lemmon - first time on a ski lift; the desert museum, tucson; Bizbee
+ the 2008 procession of souls, tucson
+ms c's and an epiphany that i longed for a cowboy to do the two-step with but that i'll line dance with those cowgirls anyday
+ watching Matthew teach his kids to play poker.
+ Nadia getting her liturgical sleeve tattooed
+ conversation with that beautifully tattooed lady
+ finding my commitment-to-myself ring
+ Mackenzie.
+ being licked in the face by Duchess Haworth
+ the grand canyon
+ the advent retreat
+ sharing "our birthday" with my soul sister, julie lee
+ learning new games (backgammon, poker, chess, and the gift that was cribbage)
+ that Jayne survived her surgery in one piece
+ the gift of hospitality, friendship
+ that Mark and Sara found each other
+ welcoming Sara to the community
+ Beth moving to NI
+ seeing the scan photos of my nephew-in-becoming
+ civil partnership in NI
+ hearing my neice say my name
+ getting to know Peterson and jazz like conversation that ensued
+ greenbelt 08 - the deep blessing that was julie, aaron, whitni and nathan's presence and their enthusiasm for community. and their music.
+ sharing in deep real conversation and bizarre moments with Sarah
+ dorothy day dark - for testing my discernment and me not screwing it up
+ cathy simon's stage productions
+ late night conversation with Jared & Jaime on the porch
+ falling asleep to Speaking of Faith
+ dinner with Joel Dark
+ two blissful weeks in julie's little cottage...
+ and getting to be neighbour with the Darks.
+ forgiveness
+ my fellow Inner Path alumni at Cottonwood de Tucson. for their deep bravery and solidarity.
+ for the horses
+ Everything is Broken at Vanderbilt
+ a Christmas Day with good friends
+ a knee buckling kiss
+ a night of chocolate porter and presence
+ cross country skiing with my brother
+ no longer having a fear of flying
+ seeing Greenland, 1st march 2008 from 30,000 feet. breathtakingly beautiful.
+ gin blossoms at Hotel Congress
+ Padraig's poetry recital at greenbelt
+ the confetti explosion at the end of the sigur ros gig, phoenix, AZ
+ jayne pulling me from my bed and making me eat on the darkest day the year

and so it will go on...

::

so much of this year has been about life being suspended like scales, in the words of Gibran. our joy is our sorrow unmasked and sorrow our joy...

i have known the depth of my hurt by the times i have had to pray for compassion to thwart my desire for revenge. too many moments, hours, days, weeks, months were marked by the weight of sorrow pulling at the joy... of sorrow's inescapability...

May 2009 bring a shift in the balance... may be it be known by the mindfulness and attentiveness to the "and joy" that is present in every moment and breath... may i rediscover the greenness of living...

as i learn to trust, may i also keep learning to forgive & live only with compassion for the wounded soul in each of us... grateful for the many small mercies that were known by their life giving light...

there is so much to be thankful for and tonight, safe in the knowledge that one of the cruelest weeks i've known in any year is safely the past however much it grasps still at my heels, and that the future will come what may, i will celebrate the present in the company of some dear friends, and think fondly of those far, and those gone...

goodbye old year... you have taught me much and i am letting you go...

come new year... i have so much farther to go and much more yet to learn...

have a good new year, wherever you are. may you be safe.

LB