Friday, September 15, 2006

precious pieces

When Mulder is dug up from his grave and he finally regains consciousness, a weeping Scully asks him, "Have you any idea what you have been through?"
He replies, "Only what I see in your face..."

sitting across from Sigmund today was kind of like that.

::

i got to thinking about tears today... how they can be so truthful, how they speak so honestly about what we are feeling... about what needs healing... they do so much better than words sometimes...

but way back when, we learnt the skills to hold back the tide, keep breathing when we should be letting out what's choking us...they are survival skills... but they can end up holding us back... we end up punishing ourselves for the hurt we have experienced... to turn feelings of hurt and anger inward rather than out...

::

today i felt inadequacy...

i have no idea if the tears i spent tonight were for me and the grief i wish i didn't have to feel, or for the people i love that feel pain, or for me not knowing how to best care for the people i love...

now i just feel tired.

::

i see a house. empty. i see myself. weeping. in disbelief. and fear. but i also see myself picking up myself and a paintbrush. and painting my life all over the house.

::

there was only one lyric that could end today...

There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in


LB, x

4 comments:

  1. when i have been at my most broken i couldn't cry, i was numb. for me tears are an indication that i can feel again even if in feeling that brings pain. whether you cry for yourself or for those you care for, the ability to let the tears flow confirms your humanity.

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  2. Anonymous3:25 am

    Looking forward to catching up properly soon!! Missing you as I read your blog!!

    love Jayne

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  3. 'today i felt inadequacy...

    i have no idea if the tears i spent tonight were for me and the grief i wish i didn't have to feel, or for the people i love that feel pain, or for me not knowing how to best care for the people i love...'

    that's why we're friends....

    p xx

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  4. sometimes tears are the release we need and the only expression we have for things that don't make sense, take care, RD x

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