the one armed man is king...

Agents,

one alter ego is just not enough anymore.

here are your mission specs:

basic ops:

1. your day begins not by opening your computer and connecting to the server but by "hacking into the mainframe".
2. your boss will only be known by one letter, or, by a longwinded descriptive title, such as record spinning man.
3. your colleagues are now operatives. fellow spies are agents.
4. all others you encounter in a professional capacity will be known as contacts, informants or assets.
5. your office is now HQ.
5a. (if you work for a national broadcasting agency, you are now, working inside the shadow government.)
6. all times will now be in military standard speak, as in "i'm leaving at 1800 hours."
7. all meetings are conferences. all are an emergency.
8. use acronyms as much as possible.
9. never say goodbye when you answer the phone.
10. persistantly glance over your shoulder.
11. every item on your workspace is a potential weapon. note: only to be used in self defence.

advance level ops.
1. speak only through gritted teeth with a low whispered growl.
2. when going to the bathroom, kick the door open.
3. when answering the phone, ask, is this a secure line?
4. frisk everyone you encounter.
5. learn how to pick the lock on your front door rather than using a key.

your first mission:
1. get a coffee, without anyone poisoning it.
2. select secret ops codename.
3. invent the first major lie in your back story. remember a lie is best concealed between two truths.
as in, i was born in moscow. my father was a tailor. i joined the national ballet when i was 11.

i was born in moscow. i did join the ballet at 11. but the tailor's workroom my father ran above a st petersburg brothel was a front for a top secret KGB operation.

good luck agents. from now on assume everyone is out to get you.

Agent Joycek.

(that's pronounced joycheck. i will not tell you again.)