we only get what we give. . .

i just bought an iBook. wooo hoo.

alas i have no online access at home at present and until said mac beauty arrives i won't have any. so i'll only be online in business hours. so sorry if transmission gets a bit patchy over next couple of weeks. i'll try and post here and do emails from work each day.

as i came online to tell you that, i thought i'd check to see if the brokeback mountain site was up. it is. it's here. but what's really bloody amazing is the soundtrack. gail and pádraig: do you remember i showed you the maker makes by rufus wainwright on dvd? it's on the soundtrack! looking forward to going to see this film with you guys in the new year. you both spring to mind as suitable movie going buddies for this one. . .

off to see narnia tonight. advantage of having a film critic as a lodger - someone who actually goes to the cinema and has the wherewithall to buy tickets.

i can now confirm publically that i will be in belfast for christmas. it was a tought decision not to go to toronto but one that i think is right for where i am at and what i can contend with right now. which means i can acknowledge my immense excitement at the decision that the theme for the new year's eve party the mcewan's are throwing is moulin rouge bohemia (with no small influence by me i might add). which also means i can now acknowledge that gail and i are in very much the same dilemma:
do we have to do high glamour dresses (i'm thinking can-can)? beauase we both share the issue that it's cool for half an hour and then ya think, "i'd just like to pull on a pair of jeans now, thank you very much". glamour is hard work and often uncomfortable when ya wanna dance or slouch or indeed do port shots. gail is indeed a girl after my own heart. or indeed i'm a girl after her's, whichever way you look at it. . .
so we're thinking . . .velvet. . .trousers. . .kinda masculine chic maybe?... gail does a neat shirt and tie combo . . . so you stylish people please send any links to inspirational web pages this way. . .

it's gotta be sexy. and comfortable. and not cost the entire earth to pull off. . .

POST SCRIPT AMENDMENT: SEE COMMENT BELOW FROM JAYNE. WELL, I MAY STILL GO FOR VELVET YET. . . AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THE SPICE CAN BE INTERPRETED AS "HOT" TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR THE GUYS WHO DON'T WANT TO DRESS LIKE LIBERACE. NICE, HOWEVER, TO SEE JONNY HAS EMBRACED THE SPARKLES. . . AND YOU'D KNOW SUSAN WAS BEHIND A PARTY WHERE MEN ARE REQUIRED TO LOOK HOT. I MYSELF, WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SUCH MATTERS. . . MUCH LOVE TO YOU FOLKS. YOU ROCK. P.S. peace 2.5 SUCKS.

so between iBooks, heath&jake-in-love-a-thon, and dec 31st. there's a lot to look forward to. . . and that's just for starters. . . i am gonna to my damndest to have a relaxed, calm, joy-tinged christmas...however awkward and fragile i feel in working out how to be on this new road. . .
and if it ain't, then i know i am not without support and love in my life. i am made to feel safe when i need it most and without even needing to say. . .and i am yet again, bemusedly surprised and deeply gratitudinal. i only hope i can return these gestures with half as much tenderness and strength. . .

LB, x