rather be loved than a lab rat . . .

friends,

sorry for the ridiculous pause in these proceedings. last week i took a few days 'offline' and more significantly off work and tried to recover from an intense weekend. thanks for all those who've been poking me for a new post. nice to know you guys like calling round. . .

i'd like to say things are all bright and rosy. some bits are. others are seriously challenging my efforts to be surprised and gratitudinal.
yesterday i got protective redundancy notice. meaning unless funding comes in asap i'll be out of work as of 31 december. i knew it was a possibility but we'd been keeping optimistic and making plans. but the mood in the office is now one of thorough disheartedness. we've had several knock backs from funders that had been very encouraging in conversations about our work. it's weighing heavy and i have no idea what i'll do come january if i find myself unemployed. i think i'm in a bit of daze. i've been distracting myself with concern for the well being of A.N.Other. . . helps me avoid turning inward and admitting that this place is a haven of sorts and that i'd rather not face yet another major change. . .

coming soon:
thoughts on john o'donohue weekend. it is coming. please be patient.

musical treat of the week: sufjan stevens' christmas album . . .
http://www.chattablogs.com/quintus/archives/019666.html

this post had been intended to be something of a roll call - i have a lot of thank you's due . . .

gar, deb, bananie:
for the incredible music list for my anonymous friend - i'll compile a combined list soon!

john o'donohue:
for being the most audaciously incredible mystical guru one could ask for. (more to follow on that i promise)

paul chambers:
for whirlwind recklessness and letting me see behind the mask. and getting why the metallica moment is worship. and disarming directness.

willow:
for her bravery. enjoy the passion, sister. we're all rooting for ya. ;0)

ewan and mir:
for understanding.

padraig:
for being important enough that i'm missing you already. our 3 week loss is the aussie's gain.

tuesday group (that's chris, susan, mo, lynn and stephen):
for keeping it real.

gareth:
for a metaphysical barter of epic proportions. the good dr lodger asked me to give up my x-files vhs and tapes and dvds that i have collected over the years and give them to him. since i am learning the hard way that much of life is about letting go, i consented. far quicker than i would have guessed i could. my reward for such zen reckless letting go of my treasure? he has given me his newly acquired complete series boxset ::sweet::

danielle louise:
for being a great date and for my first christmas pressie

keli and stu:
cosmos and christmas trees

jayne:
for stability and the studio

ricky:
where to begin? for goldcrests, treecreepers, collard doves and coaltits. and all the Waxwing moments in abundance . . . see? i was paying attention chum.

::tenderness can sometimes seem like brutality to the broken hearted. . . i know i'm being tested::

LB.x