precious pieces

When Mulder is dug up from his grave and he finally regains consciousness, a weeping Scully asks him, "Have you any idea what you have been through?"
He replies, "Only what I see in your face..."

sitting across from Sigmund today was kind of like that.

::

i got to thinking about tears today... how they can be so truthful, how they speak so honestly about what we are feeling... about what needs healing... they do so much better than words sometimes...

but way back when, we learnt the skills to hold back the tide, keep breathing when we should be letting out what's choking us...they are survival skills... but they can end up holding us back... we end up punishing ourselves for the hurt we have experienced... to turn feelings of hurt and anger inward rather than out...

::

today i felt inadequacy...

i have no idea if the tears i spent tonight were for me and the grief i wish i didn't have to feel, or for the people i love that feel pain, or for me not knowing how to best care for the people i love...

now i just feel tired.

::

i see a house. empty. i see myself. weeping. in disbelief. and fear. but i also see myself picking up myself and a paintbrush. and painting my life all over the house.

::

there was only one lyric that could end today...

There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in

LB, x