turn and burn

the smell of clean sheets. the feel of a firm mattress.
since i last posted my bedroom has taken some shape. pictures remain to be hung, as do clothes, and there's a rug and some cushions and a lampshade to be procurred, but everything is in place and the room has found its form.
and so here i type. in bed. my bed.

and i can't help but think of Wendy (Mare Winningham) in st elmo's fire, a character i've identified with more and more with every passing year. and in particular i think of the conversation she has with billy on his last night in town and in her first place of her own. she tells him she got up in the middle of the night and made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and it was her sandwich, in her apartment and it was the best tasting sandwich she ever had. there are several aspects of Wendy that i feel empathy with. but tonight it is independent Wendy, breaking out on her own and staking claim. making a space hers in cornflower blue.

::

this track got a mention before i think but here are the lyrics,
secret spell by tori amos. we used this as the closing track for TVM. musically it just sounded like a track with which to take a boa and a bow. lyrically, well, it wouldn't hurt to remember... after a hard couple of weeks battling depressive lows to help turn things around...


In one hand dreams a plenty
In her smile a secret spell
There have been disappointments
These she knows all too well

And you losing you
Was not a part of this plan
So
Jumps at three
tears at thirteen
Just turn you around for
Eighteen wheels in a high heel
Just turn you around
Sold a dream at twenty three
Turn you around
Hold out
You still got your secret spell

At the heart of the matter
Someone wove a secret spell
Mixed with girl not so peaceful
Angel and animal

But me losing you
Was not a part of this plan
So

Jumps at three
tears at thirteen
Just turn you around for
Eighteen wheels in a high heel
Just turn you around
Sold a dream at twenty three
Turn you around
Hold out
You still got your secret spell

::

went down to the lighting of the 12th bonfire on the lower newtonards road with lee, mark and willow. wanted to see just once what it's like up close. quite the experience. one i doubt i'll repeat. but still, glad i saw it all the same, however the conflicted the feelings...



LB,x