retail/therapy

chocka girl checking in.

word up.

the rumours are true, the shelves in dublin are empty. keli and i took a train ride to the auld town today and came back laden.
christmas shopping was so much easier after a glass of wine mid way through the afternoon - i developed what can either be desribed as an uncharateristic decisiveness (for a libran) or i just stopped looking at price tags and went with my gut...which as those who've been on a pub quiz team with LB know 9 times out of 10 is not to be questioned. i even bought a little present for myself. for the first time ever i bought perfume from the jo malone counter in brown thomas - that little place where i also stop and look wistfully and inhale longingly. pure indulgence but god it felt good. note to self: use sparingly!

so, i am about to stick on something classic (read: cheesy) and musical on the dvd and start wrapping.
in a week that started off with an unravelling and facing some serious questions of what leads me into spirals of disconnectedness with the world it feels nice to be focussing on others who mean a lot...

to those that have been praying, thank you. i say that without an ounce of cynicism in these agnostic bones. it has given me courage this week and from a place of real feelings of isolation and lonliness it has been a real reminder of what love-in-action looks like to know that some of you have been spending moments asking i-know-not-what to make its presence felt in my days...

blessings that came dressed as intentional and surprise encounters the last couple of days were a chance to start reconnecting... which having realised what some of my issues are is a little daunting... but, as Sigmund told me... when everyone else seems fine to you, and you feel like you're the only nutcase, remember that fine means they're Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.
cheesy maybe, but it's kind of like imagining people naked when you are public speaking. that's never worked for me cause i find public dispays of flesh intimidating, but you get the picture...

so things are gradually improving. i have named some beasts this week... there has been some stark clarity in the darkness. the new year will be very much about working out what overcoming that looks like on a daily basis...

so i'm off to play santa's little helper, well, without the tights and little hat, although i am actually wearing a wooly hat right now, it's a new purchase. it makes me feel all enid blyton or perhaps like a character in some kind of 'evacuees' drama... as i wrap presents i shall be painting a mental picture of the recipients and imagine them using said gifts... it was how i decided what to get each one... some of then will be imagined in a room on their own and seriously rocking out... others curled up reading... others entertaining... it makes me smile...

coming soon: team fury top 5s 2006: music, films and books - the combined list.

my baby is in the apple doctor getting some medical treatment and i'm still trying to keep my word intake and output each day to a minimum and focussing on reconnecting with human beings.
thus my postings will continue to be sporadic for now. but needless to say, things are looking up a little.

i'm doing fine,

yours,

LB,x