schism on the inside

i got to thinking...

talking to god is laurel begging hardy for a gun.

- josh ritter.

i've been thinking a lot these past couple of weeks. a lot. and i've come to the conclusion that faith cannot for me be based on believing _in_ something but only being drawn into a way of being. which is believing in something.

and as soon as i fall on that as something i can live with, i realise it's an impossible task.
undergoing this becoming means to embrace always failing.

the Christ i fell in love with kicked over tables in a rage of fury.

the best part of 20 years later, i'm wondering how the fuck are we meant to wage peace. right now i want to turn some tables.

over ten years ago i said i wanted no easy path. i wanted to struggle. no fake plastic faith. and that's what i got. be careful what you pray for, right? i'd like to take it back. i think i've got the joke. the path is so much harder than i could ever imagined.

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Peter said to Paul
"All those words that we wrote
Are just the rules of the game and the rules are the first to go"
But now talkin' to God is Laurel beggin' Hardy for a gun
I gotta girl in the war, man I wonder what it is we done

Paul said to Petey
"You gotta rock yourself a little harder;
Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire"
And I got a girl in the war, Paul the only thing I know to do
Is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through

Because the keys to the kingdom got locked inside the kingdom
And the angels fly around in there, but we can't see them
And I gotta girl in the war, Paul I know that they can hear me yell
If they can't find a way to help, they can go to Hell
If they can't find a way to help her, they can go to Hell

Paul to Petey "you gotta rock yourself a little harder;
Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire"
But I gotta girl in the war, Paul her eyes are like champagne
They sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain
Sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain
They sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain

your peace is doing violence to my violence. and my anger is only matched by your persistance in convincing me there can be no other way. and i don't know if i can rock myself any harder...

your truth is not difficult. it's impossible. wouldn't it be easier to just shoot me now?

LB