handing it over...

it was a prodigal day. and i dragged my way through it.

i received a note, from someone who gets this dislodged place,

i hope you are surprised by hope

hoping for hope was as much as i could manage. old tapes ran over and over, carving me out as they went round.

::

i went to a bible study and found the word i needed...

parable (the gospel according to Luke 18:18-30)

A certain ruler asked him, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’
Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone.
You know the commandments: “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honour your father and mother.” ’

He replied, ‘I have kept all these since my youth.’
When Jesus heard this, he said to him,
‘There is still one thing lacking. Sell all that you own and distribute the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’

But when he heard this, he became sad; for he was very rich. Jesus looked at him and said,
‘How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! Indeed, it is easier for a camel to enter through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.’

Those who heard it said, ‘Then who can be saved?’
He replied, ‘What is impossible for man is possible for God.

during the conversation i was reminded of the first of the 3 twelve steps...

one. We admitted we were powerless over our addictiontoalcoholgamblingsexdestructiverelationshipsdrugslovefood
powermoneyyounameit — that our lives had become unmanageable
two. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
three. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-D as we understood G-D.

i didn't tell them for fear that i'd be misunderstood. while some of them spent a while convincing themselves a camel really can enter through the eye of a needle, i stared at the page and heard Jesus saying to the rich and now sad young man,

what do you lack? you lack NOTHING.
when you have nothing,
when you are powerless, when you are poor, when
you cannot rely on You to get you through,
you will understand

blessed are you who are at the end of your rope,
because you know just how much you need

::

when i got back i was met by a gift from a beautiful, talented friend, who had recorded for me an incredible cover of a song we have both been inspired by

"Who Is It?" - Bjork

His embrace, a fortress
It fuels me
And places
A skeleton of trust
Right beneath us
Bone by bone
Stone by stone
If you ask yourself patiently and carefully:
Who is it ?
Who is it ?
Who is it that never lets you down ?
Who is it that gave you back your crown ?
And the ornaments are going around
Now they're handing it over
Handing it over

He demands a closeness
We all have earned a lightness
Carry my joy on the left
Carry my pain on the right

If you ask yourself patiently and carefully:
Who is it ?
Who is it that never lets you down ?
Who is it that gave you back your crown ?
And the ornaments are going around
Now they're handing it over
Handing it over

::

nothing is a gift.

::

at the end of the rope
i open my hands
empty
waiting


LB