thanks to Brook (welcome) for bringing something i wrote way back in May to my attention. sometimes it's good to see how far one has come on the journey. other times, like now, one sees wounds still raw and still needing mended...
colour me struck that it's the kind of stuff that doesn't get healed in a day and it's safe to say i'm still trying to work my way on through all these months on... i'm fairly certain that compassion for the other and for the self aren't mutually exclusive but i've made a brutal habit of rejecting the latter in order to achieve the former. and silencing that which needs to be voiced if it is ever to be healed continues to hold centre stage. if i have been increasingly quiet on these pages it is only an extension of my silence elsewhere. a lesson known is not the same as a lesson lived. silence caused suffering and silence has caused only more.
so as i make faltering attempt to live in conversation that is not possible without risk, that needs trust & a holding steady where trust has been unheld, so it remains now, as i wrote then:
i'm terrified of being vulnerable, and i have no idea how to do this...
may we all find our way through. and the courage to keep on keeping on. life's too short and the one's we love and desire to trade the uncool with (however painful that can be), like time, and ourselves, are a precious thing.
just a teenage dirtbag, baby...
LB
I read this after I read the other one and had commented.
ReplyDeletesometimes we need silence...before we know where we are headed and before we can take the next step, wherever that may be.
I am pleased to see you back and posting, but whether you post or not I pop back to check, and send thoughts your way, take extra good care of yourself, RD,x