Little Bird

out with the old...

2011-04-28T20:05:00.000+01:00

well. hey there. long time no blog.

in the interim, i've got a lovely new nest at carygibson.com

still some settling in to be done over there and i'm still learning the ropes, but as of today, i've moved in and more content will start appearing over the coming days. plus, there's lots to catch up on. offline life has been busy. the all kinds of good kind of busy.

the new site will still have a blog but there's room for a lot more.

feel free to drop by for a cuppa.

for the last time, signing off on here as...

LB.

the call to live as an embodied prayer

2011-02-04T17:28:00.003Z

In the absence of time to write, I thought I'd share something I posted this morning as a response to an inspiring recent entry by Trent Gilliss over on the Being Blog... it's what I'd wanted to blog about anyway... I recommend reading Trent's entry and looking at the photographs from Cairo by Nevine Zaki.

Photo credit: Nevine Zaki. (No copyright infringement intended.)

::

When I think of my childhood growing up in the church, I find a hymn coming to mind which had the refrain - "they will know we are Christians by our love, by our love"... All too often that line seems like an indictment of my own failure to love rather than something I could sing with celebration...

Like so many others I've been moved, inspired and humbled by Nevine's photographs, just as i was no less inspired to hear that Egyptian Muslims held vigils and protected Coptic Christians going to church to celebrate Christmas eve on January 6th (in the wake of the bombing of the al-Qiddissin church in Alexandria on New Year's day).

I was inspired too when, last summer, churches here in Nashville, TN gathered to show their solidarity with the local Muslim community after Islamic community centers and mosques in Nashville and Murfreesboro, TN were vandalized and the subject of aggressive Islamophobic protests. I am painfully mindful that much of the anti-Islamic protest in this state has been led by people claiming to speak for Christianity. (They will know we are Christians by our love...?)

Working for love, justice & solidarity are by no means the exclusive claim of Christians, but I hope that in many churches this coming Sunday Christians, across the US and around the world, will hold up these stories & images coming from Egypt as a sign of hope & a call to prayer for the courageous multi-faith democratic movement there. But I also see that first image as a deeply serious reminder of what I firmly believe those of us who do identify as Christians are called to live out in our faith: non-violent peacemaking, deep love of our fellow human, active commitment to solidarity and working for justice when others are suffering. For myself, that is what I feel called to by these images.

As I contemplate Nevine's photograph of those young men protecting those in prayer I am personally reminded that as a part of Christian community I am not instructed in the way of Jesus to only pray for peace & justice... I am called to be an active, living embodiment of those hopes. Just as peace is not the mere absence of violence but the presence of justice, it is not enough for me (if I claim to be Christian) to passively 'not hate' but instead I am meant to commit to a life of actively loving others -- in each moment of every day I have to make a choice to step out with courage and embody my hope for the future right here in the present.

2010 was marred by intense public debate and maligning of Muslim Americans centering around the community center in Manhattan. I hope 2011 will be taken by Christians across the US as an opportunity to commit as individuals and communities to put our faith in action -- with humility to serve, defend & protect our neighbors of every creed, in the US and beyond, so they may be able to freely live in peace.

I can't look at these iconic images and not think that while the defiantly raised fist is an embodied symbol of revolution, so too is the hand opened to clasp the hand of another. And I hope I find within me an ounce of the courage being shown by so many in Egypt.

::

(for Nevine Zaki's often beautiful tweets follow @NevineZaki)

Peace be with you...

LB

The Disposables

2011-01-09T22:53:00.000Z

Am stopping off very briefly to point you in the direction of Mark Tucker's downright gorgeous photographs of the benefit night for The Contributor held at DPC last night.

It was a fantastic evening, with an art show of photographs of Nashville taken by homeless and formerly homeless photographers, Cajun food from Bro's, an awards show for top vendors of 2010, and a concert featuring some incredibly talented musicians and songwriters.

In a day overshadowed by the shootings in Tucson, AZ i am grateful to have gotten to be a part of it and to have witnessed it (that's me in the red beanie with a roll of tape glamorously grasped in my teeth stringing up lights). In a packed fellowship hall filled with cheering vendors and supporters, Joel whispered in stunned delight during the awards giving, "In all my years in this church, I've never seen the hall like this..." it was such a witness to both The Contributor and DPC's vision of even ground, where there is no us (the homeful) and them (the homeless). The transformation that has occurred in the lives of some of the vendors is remarkable.

Julie Lee (performing in the red cardigan) brought together an amazing group of musicians. it was a stellar line up. when Anita Smith (bottom row, far left) rehearsed at sound check everyone stopped in their tracks - the kind of gospel voice that puts chills up & down your spine. and the harmonies Julie, Sarah (Masen) Dark and Elizabeth Foster provided on Odessa Jorgensen's (second row, far left) exquisite song writing were exceptional.

As for Arizona, after a DPC member raised a prayer during this morning's "joys and concerns" at DPC for those in Tucson and beyond who are grieved and affected by yesterday's violence, i jotted in my notebook,

place the words of peace on our lips
place the action of peace in our hands
place the spirit of peace in our hearts

i'm not sure what to say that hasn't already been said... but i was struck by a line shared by a commenter over at Bruce Reyes-Chow's page... it's from Madeleine L'Engle,

"Like it or not, we either add to the darkness of indifference and out-and-out evil which surrounds us or we light a candle to see by."

Peace be with you,

LB

midwinter

2011-01-03T02:03:00.003Z

The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not understood it.
- The Gospel of John 1: 5

On every world world, wherever people are, in the deepest part of the winter, at the exact midpoint, everybody stops and turns and hugs. As if to say, 'Well done. Well done everyone! We're halfway out of the dark..."

- Karzan Sardick in Dr Who: A Christmas Carol, by Steven Moffat (2010)

A flagrantly inadequate round-up of what happened between November 5th and today...

packed up life in Dublin
said farewell to friends, family, & hometown
emigrated to America
hugged family & friends
ate some donuts
celebrated Thanksgiving
painted walls, moved some furniture
got married, surrounded by our family
caught a head-cold
went to church
celebrated Christmas in West TN
painted more walls, moved more furniture
welcomed dear friends to stay
made a resolution
celebrated New Year's eve
watched Dr Who Christmas Special. it was. (see above)
listened
borrowed some books from the public library

New Year's resolution:
to live life at a pace considerably slower than i lived through most of the above

an all too brief run down of things that the coming weeks will bring:

filling out more immigration forms
plan for community gathering to celebrate aforementioned marriage
receive delivery of belongings currently crossing the Atlantic in a ship
giving some time and energy to The Contributor street newspaper
making art with friends
more painting of walls, refinishing some furniture
writing

a for-now adequate summary of very short term plans:

sit by fire & read books
enjoy hanging out with Joel on his last 3 days of holiday vacation (see resolution)

Happy New Year, friends. hold on. to each other.

LB

:: happy ::

photo credit: Lisa Connor

in need of solid ground

2010-11-05T16:35:00.002Z

Tonight there's a Being live streaming event on Mindful Eating. November 5; 7.30pm EDT (that's 11.30pm in GB/IRL since the clocks have already gone back). if you can't watch tonight it'll be available after.
Being are encouraging folks to embed it on their own sites and blogs. so i'm doing it here. this is exactly the kind of conversation my soul needs at the moment.

well it's been a quiet few weeks on these pages, i'll admit. mostly due to it having been a very busy few weeks offline. a mountain of boxes and art work and a couple furniture pieces are now on their way across the sea; potential new tenants have been to view the apartment; i leave for Nashville in 12 days. was up in Belfast last weekend and the 'au revoir' was harder than i expected.
i've not felt much like writing from this strange liminal space in which i find myself. some days i'm excited and others, nervous. and much of the time i'm somewhere in a sleepless place in between. the flat is mostly empty and there's just a few bits 'n' pieces to sort out next week before the move, which i'm anticipating will be an all too long and anxious day of travel with a massive emotional collapse at journey's end. the immensity of moving gets more overwhelming by each passing day. and i'm thankful that when i arrive, Joel and i will have a long weekend together at home in which we can draw a deep breath or two.

Amidst the frankly life-sapping polarized discourse of the US midterm elections, yesterday i resolved to keep my news intake to the bear minimum as the media noise has become for me a source of increasing fracture and disconnect.
i've been increasingly seeking that which is for something, rather than against and i've resolved that my first year in Nashville will be centered on being family and focusing on quality friendship in our immediate community over the quantity of social networks. right now, bigger doesn't feel better. i'll be searching out opportunities for collaboration and enrichment in all things particularly local, seeking out positive and creative activities in the neighborhood that i can engage in. paradoxically, perhaps, and only perhaps, as i move into a far far bigger country i plan to keep my world quite small until i find my feet and achieve a sense of mindful and steady rhythm.

Being continues to be a great companion in that search for sanity and for-ness... they did a great job hosting a conversation on Pursuing Happiness between the Dalai Lama and other faith leaders last month. Rabbi Jonathon Sacks' contribution really spoke to me and i find myself still processing why his words were the ones with which I found connection...

It led to an interesting conversation with my father the other night, who seems to be wrestling with similar issues to me this season - of feeling increasingly frustrated with the Reformed tradition (i.e. Presbyterian, not Jewish) and its apparently constant need to make the New testament fit with the Old, or rather, fit the Old with the New. in other words, constantly reading the Old Testament in light of Christian doctrinal lens rather than allowing Hebrew texts to stand for themselves. he's been coming up against this mental jigsaw of a Presbyterian habit in an ongoing congregational study of Deuteronomy, while i've been trying to gain a deeper understanding of the doctrinal assumptions and assertions in Reformed marriage rites as Joel and i prepare for our vow-making next month. seems like we're both feeling like frustrated square pegs in round holes right now.

i'm looking forward to hearing the upcoming Being episode on November 11, that will feature a one-on-one conversation between Krista Tippett and Rabbi Sacks on Dealing with Difference.
something in his perspective in the Happiness conversation left me feeling both comfort and a sense of grief that i've been brought up in a tradition in which faith is all to easily defined as certainty, which never seems to make it easy at all and treats Jesus like he was a Christian rather than the Jew he was.

allthesame, i'm looking forward to getting to know the community at DPC better, and i also am interested in getting to know our neighborhood church, which is just around the corner, is arguably the most socially progressive & integrated church in Nashville and seems to be doing a lot of positive work for those most in need around us.

and i'm looking forward to seeing what creative ways Joel and I come up with to the weave the Advent theme of waiting for all that is yet to come, the beginning and becoming of our marriage and the real need to simply be and take time to rest together in our togetherness. that's quite a mix and i'm aware we are both needing calm, space and quiet despite the sense of hectic-ness that so often accompanies the approach of Christmas.

Peace be with you,

LB

p.s. i joked with dad that it is perhaps Rabbi Sacks' looking so like him that left me predisposed to his wisdom. insert here a dad-joke that he would have expected any such similarity to produce the opposite effect. only a yarmulke between 'em...

Chief Rabbi

Chief Pops (with Joel)

Know Hope

2010-10-14T18:30:00.002+01:00

this is extraordinarily powerful and speaks for itself.

IF YOU NEED HELP or want to support others click on these links:

For LGBTQ & questioning teens feeling like they can't cope; or for anyone with immediate concerns about an LGBTQ or questioning teen at risk of suicide visit/contact The Trevor Project

For LGBTQ people, parents, families, friends, allies with questions: Free online PFLAG Resources

For LGBTQ people, parents, families, friends, allies needing ongoing friendly support or wanting to give it to others: PFLAG's homepage; find your local PFLAG chapter here

spread the word, spread the love, spread the justice

LB

highly recommended, the map of faith

2010-10-08T01:08:00.000+01:00

click here for the map of faith - a piece curated by my dear friend cheryl lawrie over at
[hold :: this space]

to my mind and heart this is one of the most breathtakingly simple, yet deeply evocative and beautiful pieces of theopoetic art i've seen in... well, a very long time.

i know i'll be returning to it again and again. definitely one for the wall.

LB

the breadcrumb trail, or redux, remix, remember

2010-10-05T20:04:00.001+01:00

-- if I speak without love, I am no more than a gong booming or a cymbal clashing.

-- if I am without love, I am nothing.

-- if I am without love, it will do me no good whatever.

- from 1Corinthians 13:1-3, The Jerusalem Bible

First, an update on the previous post. I went to the US embassy yesterday. It was a very strange experience that left me facing the harsher realities of my own privileges... of race, nationality, gender, religion, language, education, wealth... both Joel and I were very mindful last night that we are being afforded an opportunity others are not. I witnessed two people being turned away. It's not something I've been wanting to dwell on too much today, as yesterday it made for some mixed emotions that were very hard to reconcile. I was so relieved but my heart felt heavy. Yet it's also something I don't want to forget and I have no doubt that we will return to it down the road. Over the weekend Joel and I got chatting about a potential art project I'm thinking I might work on once I'm settled. Right now it's just embryonic ideas bouncing around but it might offer some space and opportunity to process and express what yesterday provoked in me.

Anyhow, the big news is my own application was successful and the embassy now has my passport and I expect it back sometime in the next week, accompanied by a visa permitting me to enter the US and marry Joel. I plan on emigrating to Nashville in mid-November.
I am delighted. Truly. And totally exhausted. I'm collapsed on cloud nine in a heap. So this is a day of rest and no small measure of gratitude for some peace and pause amidst all the excitement and busyness.

And so, with Nashville now so close, and in need of rest, it's seems appropriate and timely that this is something of an update on an even older post...

Back in July, I traced here some events of the past few years... of how the friendship of Pádraig and an old Irish phrase led to a little handmade Christmas card which became a tattoo which became musical collaboration and spoken reflection and then more recently the phrase became a post by Pádraig on Speaking of Faith which became a tweet...
that one simple phrase just keeps slowly and carefully weaving back and forth and being passed on from person to person. It keeps inspiring as it moves and being mixed with other themes along the way, as all the best words are and can be, so that it finds new deep meaning to each person who holds it. And well... that brings us to today.

Charlie and Stephen, who played so tenderly back in Oct '08, are in a band called Jars of Clay. Last Christmas Stephen mentioned to me that he'd been really inspired by that old Irish phrase and he'd been thinking about it a lot. So much so he and his band-mates were developing a new project called The Shelter. A couple of weeks later he burned me a CD with some initial recordings on it including the title track. I was a bit lost for words. August rolls round and I'm hearing it performed live at greenbelt with the audience singing along. I was even more lost for words. The title track is something quite beautiful.

Today the band's new project is launched... to the list of incarnations, this one line of Irish wisdom has now become an album...

As I said back in Oct '08, I believe art, like community, is akin to the hare's corner, a traditional patch of long grass left uncut to shelter the hare at harvest time and also to the small places in Ireland that are keeping the Irish language alive in all its beauty. What we create as artists and who we are as community can both I believe be shelter to one another from the reaper's blade... from the storm.

So, here's a whole new path opening up off that breadcrumb trail... what these four humans offer here in this short video is really tender and beautiful and I have no doubt they are going to inspire many with what they share. I certainly hope so. Who knows where others might take it, how they'll remix it, what other paths will open up in other places...

I wish them well in this. This is an exciting day for them and likely a daunting one - it always is when you're putting out into the world something you've poured yourself into - it's a vulnerable act. But its theme also seems very linked up with their commitment to causes close to their hearts. I'm not sure if I ever got around to mentioning it here but I wrote a piece for ~~Speaking of Faith's~~ Being's blog about greenbelt, which was an incredibly humbling honor. The show has been such a source of enrichment for me and so many people I know these past few years. Just this morning Joel was mentioning his favourite episode and how valuable it is to have the opportunity to hear and learn from such a diversity of voices & perspectives. I got to meet Steve's band-mate Dan for the first time at the festival and he offered a really positive contribution through a panel discussion on musicians and social activism. I incorporated some of his thoughts into the piece as I found it really insightful and encouraging for anyone interested in both creativity and social justice.

We need each other, and we can each be shelter to another human in any moment where we choose to be truly present to the other. What is presence? It's patience, kindness, it doesn't judge, it listens with humility, compassion... it's Justice.. it's Love - and heaven knows there are days when one has to wonder if any of these has any currency left in this world. Being present, being shelter to others is for me what the currency of being uncool is all about. May I keep trying harder every day to embody it just a little better... which is why it was worth tattooing - because I want to be constantly mindful of what matters most in this messy sacred journey of being human.

Here's to the audacity of truth's persistence and the constancy of what matters most... May these words keep passing from soul to soul and may we hold their message always at the centre of our becoming-community and be their embodiment, so that we may be a 'welcome' for every stranger we meet.

This is a link to the band's site where you'll find more about the album. I look forward to hearing the whole thing. If you scroll down on this page and you'll see some reflections on the theme of The Shelter, including some as-always incredibly beautiful words from Pádraig, without whom this little trail would never have begun...

in these moments, Ireland and Nashville don't seem so far apart.

Slán,

LB

the soul was not meant for systems

2010-10-03T13:25:00.001+01:00

it's been several weeks since i've written anything. all is well (relatively) but the last 3 weeks have been busy and a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

shortly after my last post i had my medical for my visa. it went well and i immediately put in a request for an interview at the embassy. i didn't expect to hear anything for many weeks. 2 days later i got a call saying there had been cancellations at the immigration unit and would i be available for an interview on the 4th october. i said yes. but that's meant me suddenly needing to get my moving plans into some kind of action but with no guarantee of when that will actually happen. we've been pencilling in potential travel dates and wedding dates and researching shipping arrangements and completing yet more forms.

the K-1Fiance(e) Visa is technically speaking a non-immigrant visa but is processed as if it were an immigrant visa. in short, this makes for a very confusing process. i can honestly say i have no idea if i have everything in order for tomorrow. i hope i have, but the information i have been given is contradictory and confusing to say the least. my best guess is that i've been sent documents by the embassy that are out of date and don't apply to the kind of visa i am seeking. trying to interpret what i was sent and reconcile them with the instructions on the embassy website has been a labyrinthine nightmare. dad, joel and i have spent hours trying to make sense of it all. it's been emotionally exhausting...

so, with a pile of things i'd like to be writing about stacking up i've had little mental or emotional energy to do anything more than keep in touch with a few folks via twitter. i've tried writing several times but it's just not in me at the moment. but i hope to come back to some themes in due course.

today will be spent trying to get my pile of documents ready for the interview at the embassy and staying as calm as i possibly can. tomorrow genuinely can be classed as one of the most important days of my life without any hyperbole and this interview the most terrifying by far.

in a little over 24 hours we will either be ecstatically happy and booking flights to the US and confirming our wedding date with the church or we'll very disappointed and having to wait for who knows how long til my application meets all the requirements. i hope beyond hope in that eventuality the delay will only be a few weeks. i know others have thought they had crossed ever t and dotted every i and then faced delays they never saw coming. despite keeping all our plans very provisional and tentative til after the interview, i've started packing up by belongings, giving stuff away to charity and organise the belongings i plan to ship to Nashville. i am surrounded by boxes. it's been chaos in the flat the past couple of weeks.

so naturally enough there's been a lot of uncertainty and unknowns. please G-d by tomorrow afternoon we'll have a clearer sense of when i'll be able to move and can make firm plans. skype is great and i am truly grateful for having access to the technology that means i can see Joel for several hours a day. but when one is feeling anxious and stressed one feels the distance of not being able to just sit side by side and feel the comfort of the other's physical presence.

it's odd, this process in some ways reminds me of the legal divorce process. one is dealing with a system that is not interested in the emotions of a situation. it's utterly distanced from the human experience being undergone. and yet the emotions of that experience are very hard ones. in order to marry this person you have to be forcibly kept thousands of miles apart. i understand why they make this such a difficult and expensive process. i really do. it would be all to easy to abuse it and use it as either an easy way into the US or for human trafficking. i get why the system has to be dispassionate. but not a day goes by that i wish there was a sense the system had an ounce of understanding about what it is they are asking of applicants. to be separated from the very person one wants to be with and building a life with - by thousands of miles and in many cases by entire oceans and continents. it makes no difference which way you try to do this, as there are several routes one can take - months of enforced separation is unavoidable.
it makes me realise the humanity in the Canadian rule that families should not be separated by immigration processes. this process has been a very different one to that which my brother went through when he married Miriam and moved to Toronto. there were long hard months where he could not work and was waiting to hear from the powers that be but he was able to be legally there in Toronto with her the whole time before and after they were married until his case was processed. i know there are good reasons why this process is different and i feel no ill will for that stricter process, as it potentially protects human rights of others who are far more vulnerable, particularly women, but i also think there is a human cost to keeping families apart that is all too easily overlooked... and both joel and i have since we got together understood ourselves to be nothing less than a family.

and while i consider ours to be a little sorrow compared to what others are going through at the moment, and i am very mindful that same sex couples don't even have the right to this immigration process that is available to us, the constant state of stasis has weighed heavy on some days. i want to be strong for joel, who is incredibly busy with work at the moment. i want to be strong for my dad and my step mother who have been through the mill these past six months with her illness. although that situation is really improving and that is a huge relief to us all. but am also aware that this is me planning to move 4,000 miles. it will be hard to say goodbye. and we're all mindful of that.

so, i don't want to be complaining, and i want to keep things in right perspective. but that's the reason for my silence on here of late. the one thing i can say is Love is certain. and that is our strength right now. and i do believe that this process will prove to make us stronger as a team in life rather than weaker. we've had to pull together across the miles and remain firmly focused on our togetherness and having no emotional distance between us. we're learning good lessons together and learning how we each process and react to external stresses and things not in our control. and i'm glad to say that although there have been some tears, we've never once argued about it and have stuck firmly together. i am deeply grateful for that. i know Joel has had to experience moments with me feeling completely overwhelmed by the lack of control the circumstances create and his ability to transcend physical distance and connect is a gift beyond measure. i have experienced deep Love in those moments.

i hope that from tomorrow i will no longer be responding to the questions, 'so when are you emigrating and when are you getting married?' with 'i don't know...' - i'm so ready for this limbo to be over...

right, i've some vital final preparations and errands to run. better get to it.

i hope this finds you well and getting what you need wherever you are.

blessings,

cary.

A Ritual to Write to Each Other

2010-09-12T13:10:00.001+01:00

or, 'this is how it happened...'

12 months ago today, on the 12th September, my friend Joel was on his way to a family wedding in Texas.
In the preceding days, or indeed months, Joel and I had been discussing (through emails that were growing increasingly frequent and fervent) the idea of 'the canon' and maps, fidelity, Ray Bradbury's wedding vows 'to always love dinosaurs', wonder, Mary Poppins, comics, hegemony, genre, and Michael Chabon's idea that everything is a sequel to The Aeneid - all our ideas over the weeks were being added to a mental wiki - in which nothing gets left out and everything is interlinked...

The night before he'd been out for dinner with Gail and given her Chabon's Maps and Legends as a birthday gift and after cycling home in pouring rain, wrote to me about a poem he found on the Writer's Almanac - A Ritual to Read to Each Other by William Stafford, which opens,

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

I woke to that mail and sitting at my writing desk, just as I am now with my coffee, I sent Joel a response to say I'd discovered from Garrison Keillor on that morning's Writer's Almanac that Joel's nephew and bride were getting married on the anniversary of the marriage of Elizabeth Barrett and Robert Browning, whose story is equal parts tragic and hopeful and the source of some of the most famous lines in English romantic poetry... I continued...

They also have significance because they surely are now living happily forever in the land that was created and everyday grows and breathes with the words and spirit of personal correspondence. A part of the canon-map that is as real and true and significant to that world of words as the terrain made from poems or audio-plays or novels.

(I like to think it is reached by mail coach. And to reach that genre one passes through cities built with office managers' post-it notes and memos. cities which are saved from being eternally grey cold edifices because they are decorated by notes from loving spouses and children's paintings sneakily slipped into briefcases on Monday mornings.

The city parks trees are made of quotes and ideas and vacation postcards stuck on fridges. And standing atop soap boxes on the street corners, orators entertain and inspire passers-by with recitations of mottos on fridge magnets - no longer tired cliches ('Life is too short to drink cheap wine!' 'Bloom where you are planted!' 'Jesus is coming. Look busy!') but spoken each time as if it were the first, and heard with eternally new ears.

And the land beyond - that is built on personal letters exchanged between families and lovers and friends and strangers kept apart by distance, and estrangement and war and prison walls - is spoken of by those who visit it as the most breathtaking place they ever saw:

Carved from such raw, unedited, deep emotions of love and fear and patience and hope that its majestic beauty is almost too much to bear. That's the place where Elizabeth and Robert dwell. Although they continue to traverse the map when they head out together on poetry tours each spring.)

A few short hours later, after little sleep, his shoes not yet dry from the cycle home, Joel woke in Nashville, and rushing to get to the airport for his flight to Dallas, he wrote a mail that irrevocably altered everything, closing with,

'Love, which I'm using very cary-fully, and which is definitely changing my life'

I replied with a 'holy crap, Batman' and from there we acknowledged we had been shifting into a realm of togetherness beyond friends and never wanted the conversation to end...

4 months later to the day, on the 12th January, 2010, (although the date wasn't intentional), we got engaged. Again by unintentional coincidence, 6 months from this day, on 12th March, 2011, we'll be holding a service of celebration and throwing a party for family and friends.
[We hope and pray somewhere in the interim I'll have been issued a visa, emigrated and we'll have gotten married. I have a frock for the occasion and we're remaining zen about the unknown-ness of when that's actually going to happen.]

So, Happy Anniversary, Joel. I'm so glad we paid attention & didn't miss our star...

Sonnet 43: How do I love thee, let me count the ways
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. (Public domain.)

(Image of my fridge I sent to Joel on 3rd September, 2009 including a Dr Who quote Joel had shared with me.)

Feeling deeply blessed and gratitudinal...

LB

some gb10 snaps

2010-09-08T11:32:00.002+01:00

hey

(i'm sticking these lovely greenbelt photos by my dear friend, and photographer, Colin Fraser Wishart up here because i need a url link for them elsewhere.)


Sarah - the - Willow, beautiful

Beth

Cary & Jayne embrace the new era ahead; Tiny Tea Tent; on Cary's hen night

Colin & Cary - photo taken by Geoff Little with Colin's rather impressive camera

Padraig asks greenbelt, How do you spell Hell?

hope you are all well.

LB

home from the 'belt

2010-08-31T22:03:00.000+01:00

alright, this'll be a very brief update for now.

back from greenbelt. great weekend. came home to find my step-mum is back in hospital. haven't had a chance to process the weekend but there was loads of good in there and i'm looking forward to writing about it as i get my thoughts together and my muddy laundry done.

despite coming back to family concerns, that doesn't take away from the fantastic-ness of the weekend. i was loved by an amazing group of friends, who threw me a hen party on Saturday. hoping i'll have photos to share at some point. left me feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. made new friends; heard some inspiring ideas; heard good music; and spent much time just hanging out chatting and laughing...

Camp Fury HQ. home to 14 of us this year. plus a few guests at every meal too.

Padraig & Jayne discuss leftovers. Stephen grins.

the view from the 'Soul Space'.

time to wash the field off...

LB

bibliophilia

2010-08-22T23:55:00.000+01:00

Well, this is a delight of a dilemma... starting 3 amazing books all at once and then being caught between them.

First up, recommended to me yesterday by the lovely photographer and gentle human, Colin Fraser Wishart; he spoke so beautifully of it, i immediately bought it. the foreword is worth the cover price alone. just sublime... Just Kids by Patti Smith.

Temperence by Cathy Malkasian

Was browsing the graphic novel section on Wednesday having just handed in my thesis to school & was relishing the relief & my only purpose being pleasure... read the back cover of this and didn't even look inside -- walked straight up to the counter and bought it. the line, [the society] Blessedbowl is a cultural convergence of lies, memories, stories, and beliefs did it... the insides are proving to be worth the impulsive purchase.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Joel's gifting me the graphic adaptation to mark the end of my MA & proving once again his awesomeness on several levels with it. so i'm getting the original novel in before it arrives. needless to say, my penchant for dystopian futures is being rewarded. the man really knows how to turn a phrase.

(the soon-to-arrive graphic adaptation)

::

going on my wish list...

Batwoman Elegy. Briefly skipped into Forbidden Planet in Belfast and found this. i'd love the deluxe edition but (for nothing more than idiosyncratic aesthetic reasons) i'd prefer to read this in softcover than the currently available hardcover. will have to do some digging around to see if the softcover ed is planned with or without the extra material from the deluxe ed, which includes an intro by Rachel Maddow intact. otherwise might have to settle for hardcover.

eenie meenie mynie mo...

LB

if only I read the 'parable of the good Samaritan' like it meant something

2010-08-19T21:43:00.005+01:00

I want to preface this by saying very clearly that i have been guilty of not paying enough attention to the crisis going on in Pakistan right now. Joel, however, has been following the news and so he's been taking the lead on us responding. So, I'm not resting on any laurels here, believe me. Quite the opposite in fact.

This is a confession of sorts... not a beating myself kind of confession, but a serious look at my need to be a better neighbour. i've been wrestling with this all week. good thing greenbelt is approaching. i need a good kick up the arse of my so-called faith.

My doctrinal beliefs may be heterodox, if not even my most measures heretical, but when it comes to Luke 10: 30-37, i read it very straightforwardly. i don't think it could be clearer. and i think the entire Bible could be summed up in the lines, "Jesus says, 'Go and do likewise.'"

But it's so easy for me to skip over that bit. I'm jotting it down here so i can see it. But I know others will likely see it. so please know i'm not casting stones at anyone. I'm looking at the stones i'm carrying. This stone is the one that signifies my persistent ability to just walk on by...

::

Charitable giving is something Joel and I have discussed a lot -- way back in our friendship it's been a theme. In large part those conversations arise because, (aside from the fact we talk everything through at great length anyway - we're never short on conversation; and aside from Joel's personal commitment to humanitarianism) I worked for 4 years in a large emergency aid and development organisation. I walked away from that world having learned I'd never change the world, my impact was limited as an individual and even more: the degree to which charitable giving and disaster relief raises very complex issues.

Now, as we discuss and make charitable donations as a couple, we talk about why we are going to do it; any concerns we have about how it will be spent; the priorities of the charities in question; our own concerns about specific groups in need in a situation; whether we could or should be thinking about other groups in need that are getting less attention or we overlook and so on...

As a result of seeing things from the inside, I think one should always give where possible to those who are working with others in collaboration, not on their own as lone responders.
Disaster emergencies are by their nature chaotic and they need leadership and co-ordinated professionalism. Otherwise problems risk being exacerbated.
I always want to be sure I'm also giving to those who've learned from their mistakes as well as successes.
By giving to agencies who are linked with others, and with a lot of experience, there's at least the likelihood that they know what they are good at and let others use their expertise, rather than trying to be all things to all people. There is nothing heroic about getting in over your head. The big co-ordinated efforts in a place like Haiti or Pakistan needs to be backed by the organisational capacity to be around for a long time if needs be, while building up the capacity of smaller, local organisations to be in it for the long term as needs change.
There's a difference between first response and then recovery and, beyond that, sustainable development and in this phase, the needs are urgent and require a lot of expertise and cash to procure and distribute supplies.

So I've spent time today getting a more comprehensive grasp of the situation and looking at the response so far. One thing is clear: what's going on Pakistan is frightening and the situation is one that has humanitarian but also geo-political ramifications.

If you too are in a position to give, please consider it. There is some useful information and the opportunity to donate over at UNICEF (USA), through whom Joel and I are channeling our support. The UK site is here. (UNICEF is part of the UN family but relies solely on public funding and does not receive UN funds.) By no means are they the only organisation responding. But they are working with the other UN agencies and have a long history of experience with working with women and children -- focusing on their particular needs for disease prevention, personal protection & shelter. They have quite rightly focused on clean water distribution, disease control and makeshift shelters. That there are now signs of cholera outbreak in some areas is proof of why that's such a vital priority. If you are unsure of who to give to, or odn't have time to research your choices, use that link. UNHCR, The International Red Cross and the DEC in the UK are also responding.

Both women and children are highly vulnerable in crises like these and UNICEF, like the UN, is rightly concerned that this emergency is not garnering the international humanitarian response it should. The scale of money needed to meet the immediate needs in Pakistan is staggering. Much more is needed. Even if you can't give much, then at least spread the word and encourage others to give to one of the aid agencies involved.

::

When Joel and I talked about Pakistan & UNICEF last night, I commented that one of the reasons for the lack of adequate attention was that many, just like me, were too distracted by the escalating 'debate' in the US over the Park 51 community center in Manhattan. After our conversation i saw this article, and I was reminded that not only is one a distraction from the other, but they are actually interlinked...and I am grateful that by Joel's compassion and witness to others' suffering, I am reminded that being a good neighbour is not a passive act...

::

What follows has quite a lot of connection to my thesis, or at least, one concluding theme of it...
it's about what happens when we make an idea more important than the embodied human and we don't allow another their freedom. It's about how far one can slide... until you are torturing someone to free them... it's also about how violence betrays justice... and how easy it is to end up being no different than one's 'enemy'... about how we can hide behind ideology and forget what it means to be a loving human being...

::

In my distraction I have thought a lot about how misleading the "Ground Zero Mosque" debate is. That name alone is a falsehood. I was really struck last night by this audio, response and discussion over at TNC's blog - which centre's on Howard Dean joining the debate and putting forth a position that leaves many people confused, especially those who are considered 'liberal'. The issue for me is not Dean's political posturing. I think he comes to the wrong conclusion. So I've been thinking through why this is all so troubling to me - why it has to be a non-partisan issue & why I think so many of us are getting so very far from where we need to be...

::

The only word I can find that adequately describes how I feel about this whole sorry debate is disbelief. I could add despair...

More than once this past couple of weeks, I've found myself thinking of Jon Stewart and his feature, "I give up". The furor over this community center has had me throwing my own hands up several times. But I actually think one has to be braver than that and recognise that one can live with hope - by embodying it and speaking it and choosing to be for good in the world. So, this is not about being against a side in a debate, it's about working out where the good exists.

I believe that this is about more than just the victims who died on 9/11 or one community center. As I experienced it, 9/11 was intended to terrorise and thus victimise everyone with access to a television, radio, to newspapers, and the internet.

That this media debacle is what goes for 'reasonable discourse' is shameful. But it's also frightening - because opposition to the center's location is not a response that rejects that terror, it is to allow the message being sent via violence to have currency.

That this whole sorry episode is because of the development of a Muslim community centre that plans to encourage community dialogue & embrace diversity, while meanwhile there is no substantive public outcry in response to a supposedly Christian church in Florida publicizing a "Burn the Koran day" to commemorate 9/11, frankly, speaks volumes.
Perhaps I am naive, but shouldn't any outcry be over the latter of those 2 events rather than the first? It says, to me at least, that we really have (at least collectively) learned little (yet) from 9/11. And I include Europe in that. For the sentiments are the same in public discourse about pluralist society. And it's not anything new. We've been doing this in the West over and over and over for a very long time indeed...

It's the frighteningly familiar tones of "Yes, *they* have rights but just not *here*. Oh, it's not that we're racist or bigoted, it's just that these are sensitive issues... someone might be offended, and so we can avoid that offense if only *they* could be to be more sensitive."

What? Sensitive like *us*?

There are many reasons why that is problematic, and why we should remember history and remember that others, even the worst, most violent others, are actually like *us*. The lesson of history is rarely, 'despite the fact these people did normal everyday things and maybe had moments where they seemed rational, they were in fact despots and murderers'. But rather it's the lesson that, 'despots and murderers are not a special class of human being that we can push away. They are, in fact, very much like *us*. And we should be mindful that *we* therefore are like *them*.'

I do not dare speak on behalf those who lost loved ones on that day. I cannot imagine how horrific an experience it must have been and continues to be. There is clearly a lot of grief, and each of those who did lose someone is entitled to their perspective. But to suggest that a Muslim community centre in Lower Manhattan is 'insensitive' to the memory of those 9/11 victims, & the wise decision is to move it, does not in truth honour those victims... because that is not what building peace looks like.

Beyond "rights", (which are designed to protect people because of our persistent inability to do the right thing for others), there is "values" and there is "ethics" - there is our ability to live out of a place of compassion. The very thing that might begin to honor the memory of all people who lost their lives on 9/11 would be to put our "values" where those "rights" are. To do more than just tolerate diversity but to stand up for it. I believe that's what Mayor Bloomberg was speaking to.

This rhetoric of, "what's the wise thing for them to do?" misses that point. It's asking the community building the community centre to be wise, not whoever 'we' are to show wisdom. And that is not how peace-making works. Peace is not built on mere tolerance or respecting of rights -- peace building happens when one person looks at their own responsibility and stands up for the human dignity of another - particularly when in doing so one is refusing to demarcate the other as an "other" at all, let alone as their "enemy" - to treat their neighbour as they desire to be treated.

This talk of, 'They have a right to build it but is it wise given the sensitive to victims' families?' is the same rationale as 'equal, but separate' -- suggesting that it's reasonable to ask folks to move away a few blocks so that no one is offended by their presence is the literal embodiment of wanting to ideologically, socially and politically push those people away. It is a profoundly dangerous kind of discourse. And it is the opposite of peace building.

'Supporting' this community center is not simply a matter of rights being upheld. It's not just that it is 'insensitive' to equate all Muslims with terrorism by suggesting the mere presence of Muslims in a community is 'insensitive to the victims of 9/11'. And it is deeply insensitive to infer that guilt-by-association. This 'they have rights but is it wise and sensitive?' rhetoric, even the most 'reasonable' sounding version such as from the likes of Howard Dean, is just not good enough.
What is desirable, needed, is not just the 'right' thing to do, or the constitutional thing to do. What is needed is the peace-building thing to do, the wise thing to do, the very thing that says we are learning out of a place of trauma and grief caused by violence. That which says, what the perpetrators of 9/11 stood for is unthinkable to us. The center itself, the community that gave it license to develop the property, Michael Bloomberg, and all those that support it recognise that celebrating diversity and working together in community is an act of hope, that builds a better community. That is what repudiates violence.

There are moments when this debate makes me feel like my head will explode. But when I think about the people involved, I end up thinking it's more than anything just heart-breaking. I feel a sense of shame when I consider that there are Muslims fasting and celebrating during Ramadan and this is what media and political discourse has descended to. It may not be open bigotry, or hateful on the part of those who want a 'sensitive' response, but it is far from reasonable. And even farther from embodying peaceful compassion in a diverse society.

I am not without hope. But it is clear that there is a very long way to go if anything is to be learned from 9/11 that will actually transform this world for the better. That the scapegoats right now are people that want this world to be a more peaceful place is ironic to the point of sickening.

This should be a non-partisan issue. I never thought I'd see the day when people on diametrically opposed side of the political debate, like Palin and Dean, were arguing for the same thing. Yet rather than that being a good thing it would turn out to be both: upholding the rights of others but denying them dignity. By allowing this debate to go on makes this world *less*peaceful and more divided.

*This* is how violence wins. How are we ever going to learn?

::

The words of Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf might be a start. This piece by Hendrick Hertzberg too.

and Speaking of Faith is once again offering a Ramadan series - 30 days, 30 voices over at their blog. Each day a different Muslim offers their personal story and perspective for each day of Ramadan. There is a need to listen...

Adan Onart's contribution was a deep highlight for me last year, and I have thought of him again and again as 'reasonable' people ask 'moderate' Muslims to be 'sensitive' and make a 'wise' decision...

::

"They came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for me and by that time no one was left to speak up."

"Pastor Martin Niemoller's words are well known but their context is not well understood [...] In quoting him, I make no direct comparison between the attempts to suppress the building of a Muslim religious center in downtown Manhattan, and the unimaginable nightmare of the Holocaust. Such a comparison is ludicrous. At least it is, now.
But Niemoller was not warning of the Holocaust. He was warning of the willingness of a seemingly rational society to condone the gradual stoking of enmity towards an ethnic or religious group, warning of the building-up of a collective pool of national fear and hate, warning of the moment in which the need to purge, outstrips even the parameters of the original scape-goating, when new victims are needed because a country has begun to run on a horrible fuel of hatred — magnified, amplified, multiplied, by politicians and zealots, within government and without.
Niemoller was not warning of the holocaust. He was warning of the thousand steps before a holocaust became inevitable. If we are at just the first of those steps again — today, here — it is one step too close." - Keith Olbermann.

We need to step back. This so called debate is indeed one step to close. There may be a 1000 steps from here to there but that's no excuse.

I'm recommitting myself this Ramadan to listening better, to understanding better what the Abrahamic tradition, (of which all Jews, Christians and Muslims are a part) teaches about non-violence, compassion and peace-building; I need to be a better witness to those values; I want to transform my thinking so that I don't ever dare countenance the virulent idea that Islam is a homogeneous bloc without diversity, nor confuse peaceful people in my mind with terrorism.
Because the failure to do nothing, to say nothing, to not counteract rejection with words of friendship is just not good enough. We should have worked that out by now. I hope we'll all learn. If I have any hope it's because, even though I can't make others change, I can change. I need to be a better neighbour -- with more than passivity, more than frustrated despair.

I'm glad & deeply grateful that I'm able to go to greenbelt to be humbled and inspired by others' examples and to get ideas of how I can respond better than I have been of late. I need to embody a lot more hope in my daily life.

LB

c'est finis

2010-08-17T20:24:00.000+01:00

can't quite believe it but the thesis is finished. nothing left to do but drop it into the university & deliver about 20 books back to the library over the next couple of days. most of which i ended up not using. typical. ah well. no matter.

Am looking forward to collecting it tomorrow from the binding store in its shiny hardcover with (frankly ridiculously pompous) gold lettering with the title meeting university specified minimum font size (btw, that's 24pt/8mm for those who are similarly exacting) part of me is sorely tempted to get my red sharpie out and scrawl V's symbol across the title page as an act of protest. (don't worry, it's an easily controllable part)

missed a night's sleep on sunday night. i think it was sunday... is this tuesday....? yes. sunday. slept like a log last night but feeling knackered all the same. but am looking forward to giving the flat a major clean and tidy and getting ready for greenbelt. which is quite unfathomably next week.

have been for some much needed groceries and about to prepare a steak sandwich, which
1. is a rewarding treat,
2. doesn't require me to stand over the stove for long,
3. requires neither editing nor accurate citation and inclusion in a bibliography in the chicago author-date style as per university regulations. oh wait... hold on. nothing in my life requires that. thank. you. Jesus.

still, it's not been too painful a process. and i've enjoyed great swathes of it. and i'm pretty pleased with what i'm handing over. which matters to me more than any grade.

i'm looking forward to going back to reading comics for the sheer unadulterated pleasure.

LB

ducking out of sight for a week

2010-08-05T21:04:00.002+01:00

For "a short, concise, easy-to-understand (and obviously supportive) description of Perry v. Schwarzenegger, the kind of thing you can send around to those of your friends and family who aren't compulsively reading blogs ... and those who aren't as familiar with the case" check out this link .

For a downloadable PDF of the full ruling itself - all 138 pages of it - check out American Foundation for Equal Rights.
The entire thing is a page turner and very clearly written (i.e. you don't need to be a lawyer), but the pages 135-8 are the remedies and conclusions if you are short on time.

i think this will prove in time to be a landmark case in US history. despite closely following the case when it was court, i'm still nothing short of staggered by just how blistering an overturn it is: the ruling is meticulous in explaining its findings (that the plaintiffs brought 'overwhelming evidence' and the defendants brought 'opinion' 'without basis in reason'). it has been very carefully written to put as much factual evidence (or indeed lack thereof in the defendants' cases) on record as possible and that will have significant impact on how the case is handled in appeal.

which all amounts to why it's such a page turner. like many others, one almost feels sorry for the Prop 8 proponents as one reads the ruling. in some ways it reminds me of the Scopes trial.

anyways, despite being ~~pleased~~ rejoicing with whoops and fist-pumps at the ruling, and hoping this energises the campaign for full marriage equality with a boost of confidence (given the long road of more legal battles to yet come), i've got a sizeable thesis workload and rapidly shrinking time to complete. and this has all been way too distracting.

so, this is me marking a momentous moment in US civil rights history, and signing off for probably a week so i can make a mental break from t'internet, trusting the world won't collapse if i'm not keeping an eye on it for a few days and focusing solely on the task at hand. this is the final push. and everything i've been thinking about V for Vendetta for the past year is pulling together into something like a coherent argument on the page. or at least, it's getting there. but there's a lot to do in this next week and i need every hour i've got.

(i am close to switching off the internet entirely. although Joel may beat me to it, having watched me scour over every last drop of reaction, analysis and discussion of the last 24 hours. my love of political analysis is only matched by my lack of discipline.)

see you soon. be well while i'm ignoring whatever else is going on. over and out.

love the one you're with,

LB

for the time of necessary decision

2010-08-04T21:05:00.000+01:00

as we await the Prop 8 decision in San Francisco...

::

for the time of necessary decision
by john o'donohue

the mind of time is hard to read.
we can never predict what it will bring,
nor even from all that is already gone
can we say what form it finally takes;
for time gathers it moments secretly.
often we only know it's time to change
when a force that's built inside the heart
that leaves us uneasy as we are.

perhaps the work we do has lost its soul
or the love where we once belonged
calls nothing alive in us any more.

we drift through this grey, increasing nowhere
until we stand before a threshold we know
we have to cross to come alive once more.

may we have the courage to take the step
into the unknown that beckons us;
trust that a richer life awaits us there,
that we will lose nothing
but what has already died;
feel the deeper knowing in us sure
of all that is about to born beyond
the pale frames where we stayed confined,
not realising how such vacant endurance
was bleaching our soul's desire.

::

You can find this blessing in John's book To Bless the Space Between Us*

i've nothing really to add as we watch the clock and wait...
but i pray,

May justice come. If not today, then soon. Many have waited too long already.
We are on a threshold.... a richer life awaits.
May we have Hope.

LB

* Published under the title, Benedictus in the Ireland and Britain

open source church...

2010-07-28T12:44:00.005+01:00

read a really interesting blog posting on open source church by landon whitsitt (who happens to be vice moderator of PC(USA) ).

it sparked enthusiastic conversation over morning coffee with Joel... here's several thoughts that arose... it got so long (possibly even longer than his original post) that i decided to post here rather than in the comments over at Landonville...

i'm gonna push back a little on the previous commenter on the idea of theological integrity.
i want to suggest that a belief system is always 'open source'. yet many forms of Christianity try to suggest otherwise. Christian doctrine and indeed systematic theology exist because a group of people with 'authority' decided on a canon of acceptable texts and then decided what would be the correct understanding of those texts, a right way of thinking about them. church then structures itself on the assumption that there are those who have authority and those that don't and the goal is to have everyone thinking the right thing and expressing it in the right way.

i would suggest a question needing to be asked is why are young people (or anyone else for that matter) evangelised to? is it so that the person will add to the numbers of the church without the church changing, (i.e. presence and assimilation) or, is it so that that the person will come into the church and bring their experience, whole personhood and creativity and help transform the church by their presence (i.e. relationship and authentic participation) ?

we find this in "seeker" services/programmes: often designed so that there is an opportunity for conversation and questions that suggests church is about relationship. that openness to authentic questions and conversation then disappears if/when they enter the church and are expected to assimilate into (and conform to) the regular service form and the 'correct' theology.
conformity to forms is matched typically with conformity to beliefs. a true commitment to mutual relationship, however, will always be the opposite of assimilation.

to ask who has authority is to ask who gets to be an author? does everyone get to be an 'authentic' self participating in a collective process? open source challenges the very notion of authority as power and privilege of the few in favour of the authority of a participatory collective process.
for it is 'process' that makes open source distinctive - it assumes a certain way of being or doing (the means) is what produces the best possible ends. which are never really an end because the creative process is endless.

as ikon explored awhiles back in a gathering called Satisfaction, we might liken that to a painter, who having finally put the final mark on a canvas, picks up the brush and starts on a new canvas. because there is something that wasn't expressed...something needing to be painted that wasn't painted before. it is our DISatisfaction that pushes us to create, not our satisfaction that we did it right and want to repeat it... and for the creative process to be authentic, the painter must in the moment before the brush hits the blank canvas trust and leap, willing to let what happens happen. in a belief system, in faith, in church, there is no one painter. it is a collective process. and as when 5 people get around the same canvas, the creative rules are the same and a conversation develops on it. but now each of us leap and trust in the process while also trusting in each others willingness to be honest and authentic. let it happen and what results will be bigger than the sum of us. it is that openness to process that brings about integrity. and it requires a letting go of power over, of privilege and ego.

by having an open source process there is not only a trust in the value of letting everyone or anyone participate but neither *can* there be a fixed end or completion point. ie. no point at which we can say, "we're done, it's finished, no change needed, nothing new to be learned here". whether in creative process of religious expression or in the very theology it is expressing, provisionality is what allows for constant, unending transformation. believing there is a "right answer" that needs protecting (as opposed to a "creative tradition" that needs to nurtured and critiqued) closes down the possibility for revelation. it places finite boundaries on that which is Infinite.

Ekhart's 'God, rid me of God' might be described as a pretty open source kind of prayer.

i would want to question whether youth worship is more creative only in so much as the 'adult' church actually thinks it has the right answer and young people don't have anything to tell us grown ups theologically. that youth worship is perhaps looser in terms of form only insofar as it remains theologically correct and reinforcing the relevance of a fixed message. that questioning arises from the assumption that creativity is employed to make it understood as 'relevant'.
a truly open source approach would presumably define youth worship as that in which the "youth" authentically express the relevancy as 'they' experience it. or indeed how they don't.

to favor mutuality of conversation over the delivering of a message. true open source church would have to start as it means to go on, even with young children. where i've seen that done, the authentic revelation children can bring is frequently shocking in its fresh insight, unencumbered by the weight of keeping to a systemised theology or form of expression.

this of course can be extended to anyone of any age, especially those we class as an 'outsider' or 'other'. there's nothing quite like having someone from another tradition or belief system not only critique our own, but also express what they value in it, to show us what we believe or practice with fresh eyes. to invite disruption of hearing voices to which the church traditionally denies authority of interpretation is not only to be open to critique but to be open to the good news that comes when we are present to the reality of our own lives and the lives of others, in all its pain and all its joy. and then to love that immediate reality we are in and let revelation approach and transform us together. (edited to add: there's obviously resonance here with another ikon theme - allowing ourselves to be the ones being evangelised to, rather than us doing the evangelism)

i'm not saying that some expressions aren't more nuanced, or inclusive or fuller than others. but in order to get it even close to right you have to be willing to have it wrong. faith is something to be lived in process out loud, not kept silent 'til it's word perfect.

humility and truth with integrity will always be found in authentic wild abandon before its found in conformity. because wild abandon requires you let go of ego, to be vulnerable - whether its on the dance floor or silently staring at a blank wall in meditation or when free associating in therapy or speaking from one's heart.

there's a reason why i resisted my brother emptying the box of Lego on the floor and making up his own models and preferred instead to follow the instructions to make what was on the front of the box. it was safer. go his way and anything might get created. and, crucially, it might be wrong. truth is, i was always jealous of that creative freedom in which there was no wrong. it's a delightful coincidence that as i typed that iTunes hit upon a remix Ewan made a few years back - dozens of other tracks spliced up into tiny pieces and reconstructed as something entirely new.

in the spirit of open source and remixing i'll leave our provisional guesses as they are - open for critique, editing, and remixing with abandon by anyone who so wishes...

right, really need to get down to some school work.

LB

three from Sully

2010-07-26T00:19:00.000+01:00

This is a quick stop-by to bookmark three great and very different posts from Andrew Sullivan today.

i read them in reverse order and that's how i present them here...

in the first, Poz Face, he reflects on his experience of living for many years now as HIV+. i found his words powerful and deeply moving. for as much as he can madden me, for as much as his political standpoint differs from mine on some issues, he remains a must-read. he blogs in a way few others achieve. and anytime i walk away, i find myself coming back. this kind of defiant truthfulness is why.

Today's Mental Health Break. i can't say i really know anything about Jewel or her music, but for feel-goodness and the best side of people shining through - this video did the job. (btw, at the very end there's a tiny moment of language probably NSFW or kids, even if it is delivered in a delightful way.)

And finally, The Language of Faith. i'm having difficulty getting the embedded video to play through, even on youtube, but regardless, I found what Sullivan had to say to be noteworthy,

"Sometimes, I think of faith as like looking at an old and famous painting for so long that it becomes impossible to see it any more. By see it, I mean see it with eyes fresh to its core meaning, open to its ambiguities and associations, and prepared to be shocked by its audacity." continues here.

hope this finds you well wherever you are and getting what you need.

i have a big amount of school work to complete and not much time. But Joel returns Monday from Berlin for a couple more weeks. still, makes for precious times to treasure together despite the looming deadlines. i can't wait to have him back home.

LB

music is real

2010-07-25T17:37:00.000+01:00

fascinating interview with Kristin Hersh, including a video, over at the Guardian today. quite remarkable reading...i can't recommend this artist's back catalogue enough... she haunts me in a way few do... i find i have to listen to her in small doses. she's a little like Kozelek in that way. i have to ration it...

i've probably shared this before but no matter... a very dear friend included this in a pair of mix tapes after my marriage broke down. he offered this track below as one of the companions for the journey. i can't begin to convey what this song came to represent for me. for the images that i connected with. but there's something so sacred about that space that exists between what an artist offers and the experiences the listener brings... of the things that are born out of that space...even when you share it, something new is birthed between the other listener and a song... my friend knew that... and this song was a real gift...

i've been thinking about the idea of tracing back things that carry significance, those moments you can trace back that give the stuff that matters most its persistence and weight and makes it the stuff that deserves to be called what matters most in one's life... and it's been occuring to me that walking back down the path and picking up the breadcrumbs goes back beyond as far as one can remember... this track definitely has a place on the path that i want to remember...

LB

hidden institutions

2010-07-22T17:00:00.000+01:00

yesterday a comment i posted on gladys glaniel's blog was turned (by her with my permission) into a guest post.

if anyone read my (more personal) recent post, Kirk, you'll likely see a connection, as i try and work out what it means for me to be desiring to return to church (which i assumes i left, and i'm not sure about that)... i'm not much interested in theory, much more in making sense of lived experience...i think the margins of religious experience and expression, away from the brittle stability of certainty, is an arguably more blurred and fluid space...

those margins aren't only experienced by being outside the church in a physical sense. the margins are a name for an internal experience... and i am finding deep resonance with people inside the church walls who are internally out on the margins... location only tells you so much... there's a heap of thoughts burgeoning on that disruption of in/out. i don't really care what 'emerging church' means. in some ways, the word is a distraction... and i'm certainly not concerned with needing a theory to answer it all. but i do have questions and cautions about determining for others what their lived experience means to them...

i read thoughts on the emerging church and I can't but think of L'Arche. i think of Jean Vanier's words...

'Nouwen and others have testified to the way L'Arche communities transform caregivers as much as those who are cared for. As Jean Vanier sees it, they become practical expressions of the most basic, paradoxical teachings of Christianity, notions about power in humility, strength in weakness, and light in the darkness of human existence.
Mr. Vanier: 'You see, the big thing for me is to love reality and not live in the imagination, not live in what could have been or what should have been or what can be, and somewhere, to love reality and then discover that God is present." ' (more here)

I kind of what to put those words into every conversation I hear about emerging theology.
But any thoughts on that will have to wait for a while. anyways, i decided to share my thoughts with gladys because much of the reading i've done of late on this theme leaves me wanting for more nuance... fwiw, here's a link to my half baked thoughts and wonderings.

Right, back down to work...

LB

a breadcrumb trail; or, speaking of faith

2010-07-22T15:12:00.003+01:00

I'm about to dive into a big chunk of writing for school but had to pause to just marvel at the way things unfold... of the moments that end up having so much more significance than one could foresee...
this is me tracing a path to find it scattered with breadcrumbs... to delight in the sheer audacity of truth's persistance...of the constancy of what matters most...

Because this morning with Joel still in Berlin, as we chatted over the miles he reminded me of a conversation we had by a fire...

Because earlier this morning, at the very moment i was drafting a mail to Joel about Speaking of Faith, he forwarded me an email exchange we shared from this very day one year ago. the exchange was what we came to call 're-enacting the future'. in those days before we confessed the full complimentarity, mutuality and particularity of 'us', it was an expression of everything we had been, everything we were becoming, everything we are and are still becoming now...
the title of the mail he forwarded was 'the latest SoF'...

Because a few moments before that on my twitter feed came this from Speaking of Faith's softweets.... and i laughed with delight...

(click image to enlarge)

Because last night my nephew-to-be Patrick, wrote:

Sometimes truth doesn't need doctoring to be its own art

Because yesterday on SoF's blog, Pádraig shared this beautiful reflection on the stories of division and reconciliation being told and needing to be told in Northern Ireland...

Because in October 2008 i shared where i was in my life with a room in Vanderbilt, filled with friends and strangers... i shared an essay and a piece of performance poetry accompanied by Steve and Charlie (text)... (podcast version here)
I remixed Krista Tippett and John O'D with Lester Bangs, Wendell Berry with Buechner, Bloc Party and Tunng...folded together the inspiration of Pádraig and Colm Mac Con Iomaire...and unfolded myself in a confession of what it meant for me to be broken and resurrected...

That night as I spilled out my words, my arm was still healing...

Because a couple of days earlier I sat in the fall air on Belmont Boulevard and crafted words of hope out of my fragility to share with others... and then i stopped. i got up and walked over to the tattoo palour across the street and got some new ink... as a reminder that even though i was on my knees and trying to pick up the pieces of myself, i was being held together by the shelter of love... truth indelible, so i wouldn't forget... would not lose faith.

Because a few days before that, Joel and I sat by a bonfire... getting to reconnect in person for the first time in four years.

Because an hour before that on that same night by that fire was when David told me Julie was going to be out of town and asked would I come to Vanderbilt in her place and share some thoughts on music and the truthfulness of being broken... what Sarah and I called the art of collapse... and I knew that if I was going to write about being in pieces, and I would also write about that which mattered most...

Because on 25 December, 2007 in Belfast, Pádraig and I shared Christmas together. as we sat by the fire and exchanged gifts I opened up a card he'd made... brown paper with a little star and a line of writing in Irish...

"What's this?" I asked. He translated.
"That's gonna be a tattoo", we unisoned in mirth.

::

Pád has been a true embodiment of shelter in my life. I am so glad that so many others get to be blessed by his capacity for wisdom and poetry. I cannot imagine the shelter of the community that has blessed and continues to bless my life without him in it. I would not have these words for it, if it were not for him...

But it's not the words. It's the truth they represent. And the ever-present reminder of not only him, but of Joel and all these people who bless me with their embodiment of that truth. For them, I am so very grateful...

Whatever comes, today, on this path, looking back at this unfolding future that was being re-enacted without us even knowing it, for all brokenness that has brought me to here, I cannot but say -- I have been deeply blessed by the persistance of Love I can only hope I will learn to embody half as well...

:: ar scáth a chéile a mhaireas na daoine ::

LB

the neighbo(u)rhood

2010-07-20T15:12:00.002+01:00

37212 -- the zipcode where I'll be living (touch wood) come fall/early winter. For over a decade I've always said this is the area of urban Nashville where I'd want to live. It's got a very relaxed feel, somehow laid back but also buzzing at the same time & unlike much of the city which is very car-oriented, this area is amazing for getting about on foot, with leafy streets and beautiful campus grounds to cut through.
No less pedestrian than I, Joel's lived for almost the same amount of time right here -- in Edgehill (a historic mixed income residential neighbourhood), that's tucked in beside Music Row, Vanderbilt and Hillsboro/Belmont. Which means everything you see in this video (created for prospective Vandy students) is within in easy walking (or even easier cycling) distance, as is the new urban development called The Gulch and Downtown, which lie to our north. And which is why we have no plans to move anytime soon.
Anyways, for those who don't know Nashville, just thought I'd share a foretaste of the streets I'll be treading once the red tape's all been dealt with. I couldn't be happier that this is the neighborhood I'll be getting to call my own.

LB

standing up...

2010-07-17T03:05:00.001+01:00

and calling it like it is.

::

first, a family story from yesterday that left me beaming when Ewan recounted it...

so my 3 and a 1/2 year old neice Sequoia's in the park with her mother Miriam and her younger brother Lochlann yesterday...

as is her usual style, she walks up to a kid she doesn't know (a 7 year old boy in this case) and says "hello! do you want to play with me?"

Ewan says had the boy said no she would have been fine. she never really gets upset if a kid says no and says hello to everyone they meet on the street. but the boy does say yes. and so they start playing.

the boy's older brother and some friends (all about 9 years old) approach. they start mocking him: "what are you playing with HER for? she's a BABY! you must be a BABY too!"

then to Sequoia, "you're a baby! you must wear diapers!"

and so they jeer and taunt them, "you're both babies!!!! you. are. BA-BIES!!"

Ewan says Sequoia is very good at ignoring another kid who is mean when playing together and Mir decided not to intervene unless necessary. but
this was the first time significantly older and bigger kids (and a groups of boys she didn't know at that) had so openly been mean. so she was concerned. she knew Sequoia's new friend might turn on her too as a defense against his brother's taunts. but Mir held back. and she was astounded at what happened next:

Sequoia looks straight up at the boys, puts her hands on her hips and shouts back,

"well YOU'RE being BULLIES! ner ner ner ner!! YOU. ARE. BULL-IES!!"

well it seems that shut them up good and proper, and with that she went straight back to playing with her new friend, who despite the taunts proceeded to carry on playing with her.

we are all, as you might well imagine, rather impressed and proud. she stood up for herself and her friend, and we look forward to seeing her learn how to stand up for others, even when she is not the direct target of the bullies calling names.

::

And then, there's this. Much more serious issues: a blistering reponse from Ta-Nehisi Coates to the virulent racism of Tea Party Movement Spokesperson Mark Williams'. Williams, (angry that the NAACP passed a resolution stating that the Tea Party movement needs to expunge racism from its ranks) wrote on his blog what he describes as 'satire' - a fictional letter from the NAACP to "Mr Lincoln". it's inexcusable vile. nothing less. and his excuses (see the comments here) only compound the racism.

Today, following the letter and after numerous discussions about the story this week, on his blog at The Atlantic, Coates paused to reflect on his own measured approach this week and his uncertainty as to whether the NAAPC had made the right move with their resolution. He wrote:

"I have, in my writing, a tendency to become theoretically cute, and overly enamored with my own fair-mindedness. Such vanity has lately been manifested in the form of phrases like "it's worth saying" and "it strikes me that..." or "respectfully..."

When engaging your adversaries, that approach has its place. But it's worth saying that there are other approaches and other places. Among them--respectfully administering the occasional reminder as to the precise nature of the motherfuckers you are dealing with."
- Ta-Nehisi Coates

the complete piece is worth reading.

::

Say nothing, whatever one's approach... by not calling out the 'precise nature' of those shouting taunts, then the social and political discourse just keeps descending unchecked into further vacuous content-free and substantive policy-free soundbites based on fear, into hatred, racism, xenophobia, religious intolerance. And civility, humanity, welcome, social justice, compassion - all are undermined by the disregard and bullying persecution of minorities and the vulnerable by those with power who willfully seek to manipulate people who are ignorant to their own privileges and who are encouraged to live under the delusion that it is they who are under threat.

"We live in a society that suffers from historical amnesia."
- Cornel West

down on the farm with SoF

2010-07-12T10:52:00.000+01:00

SoF are looking for stories about listeners' relationship to the land & the deeper meanings in that relationship...

as inspiration they've shared a link to a series of videos from the Maine Farmland Trust.
the eight short films are really worth watching...

i found them genuinely inspiring. you might too...

LB

the kirk

2010-07-11T22:12:00.005+01:00

I've spent much of the past week following the proceedings of the PC(USA) General Assembly which was going on in Minneapolis. Given that once in Nashville I will more than likely be attending Downtown Presbyterian Church (DPC) with Joel I felt invested in finding a bit more out about the denomination. With live online streaming of the plenary sessions and twitterfeeds devoted to it, it turned out to be pretty compelling. I may be lapsed in PCI* but hey, you know what they say: you can take the gal out of Presbyterianism...

*Full disclosure for the record: despite my decision several years back to no longer attend PCI, I was back at my original home church of my teens in Dun Laoghaire this very morning to hear an old friend preach. Was nice to reconnect.

LGBTQ equality was a big issue at GA219 and given Joel and I hope to be married by the church before the year is out (visa permitting) the marriage debate was of significance. I was really hoping for signs of hope-filled and just progress in the denomination. Although motions on ordination and benefits equality were passed, it was disappointing that the marriage debate was avoided. There's a good roundup of LGBTQ news from the GA here.

Despite feeling sad about the delay on the marriage debate and my fears that many Presbyteries won't engage on this issue in any meaningful reflective way between now and the next GA in 2012, I have had to admit that even if the result to send the issue back out to be 'studied' by churches had been just a couple of % in the other direction, the ultimate result of debate might not have been very different. It is evident that this is a matter that is really dividing the denomination - for some it is an 'issue', while for others it is their identity and their lives under debate. But, it was encouraging to see the diversity and solidarity at the assembly and I saw signs of hope that progress will be made without the church needing to split in two.
And the outgoing and incoming moderators and vice-mods seem like pretty cool folks. (I can't believe i just typed that.) I keep thinking how strange it'd be to be in a denomination where you need more than two hands to count the progressive clergy. And no, that's not hyperbole.

I know some folks have issue with church polity and procedures, but I realised this week that this is the tradition I grew up in since I was a child in the URC, and I'd likely always take it over excessive hierarchical authority or "whatever that charismatic guy up the front says goes" style leadership of non-denominational churches. Church polity can delay things and often does, but there's a process one can access if one wants to to influence change if one is willing to be patient and determined.

Presbyterians like disciplined order and unity over chaos and schism. The path to full equality may be a long one (almost 40 years in PC(USA)'s case), but there are progressive voices on a whole range of important causes in PC(USA) and strong voices at that. People who are not only calling for the church to catch up with the radical love of G-D but who are also willing to do so with grace and kindness rather than in anger, despite their pain. And there are a lot of them. The LGBTQA and emergent voices at GA219 were loud and clear. They gave me hope.

As does DPC. It's an artistic and progressive church in a progressive city in a very conservative state. They are doing some considerable work for those in deep need on their doorstep and that, along their commitment to the arts, really inspires me. Plus it's a place that when i have spent time there has been so open to conversations that are filled with questions and I have never felt like my thoughts on theology have had to bend or be apologised for in order for me to be welcome there.

I quite like the thought of being part of all of that. I read a blog post by Jonny Baker the other day that said the margins of the church are both inside and out its walls. And after several years of being on the outside, I'm thinking a lot about seeing if there's a chance I might find a sense of home back in the church so to speak, with all the imperfections and frustrations that come with the enrichment when working with others for others.

LB

one tired pony and a naked pastor

2010-07-05T13:59:00.000+01:00

things that be floating my boat...

feminine feminist noted this site recently and i too am enjoying the
cartooning with a spiritual twist from the nakedpastor blog, virtual home and store of artist david hayward...

follow on twitter at tiredpony and nakedpastor

LB

rigid theology..?

2010-07-05T13:11:00.000+01:00

i never much enjoyed sitting in traditional wooden pews:

How What We Touch Changes How We Feel
LB

What Would Jesus Say?

2010-07-02T12:02:00.000+01:00

from Tea Party Jesus, where the words of Christians (read: GOP politicians and conservative pundits) are put in the mouth of Christ. while there, you can click on the images to see the contextual source material - context which typically makes them more troubling. offensive language abounds. and i don't just mean the quoted four letter words...

you can follow at: http://twitter.com/Tea_Party_Jesus

H/T: the daily dish (Why Christianism is Not Christianity)

LB

connemara

2010-06-30T11:05:00.000+01:00

can't recommend this corner of the world more highly. especially when in the company of dear friends.

LB.

open response...

2010-06-21T12:59:00.001+01:00

i really enjoyed reading this latest post over at Hackman's Musings Stop Using Big Words and a related post from 2007 on religious illiteracy. my response was too long for the comments box - so i'm sticking it up here instead...

::

Andrew,

really interesting couple of posts...

i think this phenomenon of 'no big words' is indeed correctly and perhaps intrinsically linked to the issue of religious illiteracy -- the problem is not simply one of language, but the (limited) theology underpinning it.

i see what you described across this post and the 2007 piece in my own context - in the Presbyterian Church in Ireland - aka PCI...

(background: PCI is an all-island denomination, where the vast majority are north of the border and who make up the biggest Protestant denomination in Northern Ireland - which is far more conservative evangelical than the small number of Presbyterians here in the Republic)

i've lived on both sides of the border and what you describe was the very reason I left the denomination.
the best part of twenty years ago i first became aware of an anti-theology bent from those who had encountered more 'American-style' evangelical Christianity that was becoming popular.

in a congregational student group those who had been introduced to evangelical culture became suspicious of those who were studying theology in university -- to do so meant one couldn't be a 'real Christian'. i think because it meant one was by definition questioning the tenets of faith. there were fearmongering stories of people doing so and 'losing their faith.'

fast forward to today and that notion has gained such widespread currency that it is openly and unashamedly acknowledged that those studying for the PCI ministry avoid studying their divinity degrees in more progressive universities, and those PCI ministerial students entering the theological school at Queen's University in Belfast (where the majority take their degree) do so with the plan to get through the degree with their 'faith intact' and without taking on any of the ideas presented by the more liberal faculty or the theology students not studying for the ministry.
ministerial students typically grade lower than non-ministerial students and they then enter the ministry and preach consistently and almost exclusively on the doctrine of salvation.

however important that may be to Christianity I grew up in this same denomination (south of the border) with sermons delivered by a generation that was more reflective and open to questioning and with a variety of hermeneutics than those in my own generation who now stand in the pulpit. they were sermons on a wide range of themes relevant to religious experience and praxis. but the trend toward the more fundamentalist evangelical has created a kind of infantilism - retreading the same message over and over. there is thus little time given to what maturing in faith requires of us.
ironically i left the denomination because it was both too head-driven in its Calvinism and yet also dumbing down. despite being traditionally conservative, there were and remain exceptions - those who preach with nuance and
questions (criticized for being poetic and woolly) but the trend is that from the pulpit the denomination is becoming more theologically narrow while scrambling to work out how to make the gospel 'relevant' in today's society.

anyways, i say all that not to rant or gripe, but because for me it is the phenomenon you describe not just in one-on-one conversation but happening to an entire denomination. and i can chart it by the decline in conversation at the Sunday evening dinner table in my family - my father still attends but the range of theological ideas being preached has narrowed to the point where once wide ranging meaty discussions we shared about the sermon from the morning have been reduced to frustrated rants about how the sermon was all leading up to the same point that's been made every Sunday this year.

i left the denomination in large part (although by no means exclusively) because it was too easy for me to experience Christianity only as an intellectual exercise (and thus not for me holistic or healthy as a spiritual experience) and ironically any attempt to re-enter it has left me thinking there's no longer enough on offer to intellectually engage with.

i have often thought it is a rather weak kind of faith that cannot stand up to inquiry - when simply asking questions is reduced to indicating a lack of faith then we are not standing on solid ground at all. rather, it's suggestive of a theology that might crumble. which is why one is then criticized not for the ideas one suggests but the language one uses - because there is little or no substantive comment to be made in response to multiple or alternative perspectives on offer.

so yep - i perceive 'no big words' is the tip of an iceberg in which a simplistic theology is an end point that crucially is without everyday consequence - there's nothing to be discussed or debated. it's a case of believe this, end of story. it's salvation without impact.
simplistic notions of faith, in avoiding thoughtful reflection, risk never maturing into the wisdom often found on a lifetime's path of 'simple faith'. and while i believe language and vocabulary can be empowering and become a powerful tool to enhancing one's perspective, one doesn't need big words to think.

but it's not the words - big or small, it's the ideas behind them that matters... the phenomenon you see and find troubling, troubles me too - it is small words for a small theology and, i fear, concepts of the divine that are all too reductionist...

a G-D that can't cope with my questions or doubts or wondering, or frankly, gives them much heed, doesn't seem like much of a G-D at all....

LB

some things never change...

2010-06-15T10:42:00.001+01:00

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it's (nearly) all relative

2010-06-11T11:57:00.000+01:00

file 2/3rds of what follows under ~~flagrant? nay~~ unabashed family promotion:

Want to recommend a new (to me) blog - Hackman's Musings - i've spent the morning browsing it when i should have been writing a paper. Recommended, only in part, because it features an audio conversation (which i'm not even through yet - it's 2 hrs long) with David. And adding to the awesomeness, Brook's in the conversation too. And there's even some of Sarah's music thrown in to boot. the blog is reading really great and well worth checking out if you, like me, like your faith discussions full of questions, and prefer open wondering fidelity over having certainty.

also worth following is Elizabeth's blog - Catalogue of Potions. reflective writing that's as persistently lovely as she is.

also in family matters, for those having trouble downloading the last 8 or so episodes of The Lake Effect, Ewan is aware there's a problem with the files and will try to resolve it soon. he's very busy with parenting, partnering and job right now with little time to do much more than plan and record the shows for rte2xm. ewan says there will be some upgrading going on at their site too but he says he'll get his own online stuff sorted as soon as he can. here's looking forward to the resulting massive dose of good tunage catch up to come. if you haven't listened, the first 27 shows are available and there are scores of others who'll back up my testimony that he's sharing some of the best aural goodness you can find.

Shirley and fam are visiting us overnight. better squeeze in some school work before they arrive. looking forward to the chat.

peace be with you,
and be kind to the animals..

LB

happy plants. happy faces.

2010-06-08T11:43:00.000+01:00

that's all. now back to work.

LB

wake up, church... and remember

2010-06-07T20:26:00.001+01:00

the latest post over at Queermergent. which is worthy of being quoted in full - for its pain. and its power.

Christendom and Gay-bashing
By Queerbrit

This morning the gay Christian guy I was dating for some weeks was beaten up by his family when they found out he was gay. He is now so scared of loosing his family, he has promised he will never see me again. Good Christian family there then. So why am I telling you this as a gay christian man living in England?
Well I am telling you this, because this is the consequence of the Christian churches position on homosexuality. The Churches indirect homophobia dressed up as theology and hermeneutics, has given room for the increasing rise of homophobic violence here in England.
I am just so lucky that I live in the UK. If I lived in Africa it would be a different story. Now 2/3rds of African Countries have outlawed and criminalised homosexuality. That’s an increase of 50% in less than 10 years. Why the increase – well a lot of this seems to be associated with ex-colonialist expressions of Church such as the Anglican Church in Nigeria and Uganda. It seems the Church in Africa can only hear a Jesus associated with patriarchy, intolerance and violence. I have no idea how they can read the Gospels and not see connections between their behaviour and the Pharisees, Scribes and Saducees.
Yes I am angry, because Christianity is supposed to be about love and hope, about a new form of society modeled on the Kingdom of God. It seems, instead, it is modeled on fear and power. How sad is that?
So where do we go from here as gay christians when much of the two thirds world is proving to be oppressive and have blatant disregard for human rights? I praise God for the Episcopal Church that is such a proactive support for gay people. It is such a shame that most of the world sees it as a threat. As we speak gangs are going around South Africa beating up those involved in pro-gay politics. This is just not good enough, and I wish I could see leaders like the Archbishop of Canterbury giving leadership with a focus on justice. As Desmond Tutu was so important in standing up against Apartheid, where is the churches voice standing up for gay people? The silence is deafening. Well I think I know what Jesus would be doing – and just may be the Church of today would perceive him as a threat and crucify him for standing up for the queers as much as the poor and excluded. Wake up church, people are dying and people are being oppressed, remember what you are supposed to stand for.

Rachel posted this on twitter, and it feels like a prayer...

"Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground." - Oscar Wilde

LB

divided by a common language

2010-05-25T11:32:00.001+01:00

The Queen's English
- Watch more Funny Videos at Vodpod.

the carnival continues... UK edition

2010-05-12T16:55:00.001+01:00

UPDATED: SEE COMMENTS

also see The Telegraph for a great article by Mary Riddell

::

file under:
my calendar tells me it's 2010. all evidence suggests someone is playing a trick on me...

following on from this morning's rant, Shirley brought this delightful piece of media to my attention:

from the BBC's coverage of Cameron's newly elected cabinet regarding the new Home Secretary and Minister for Women and Equality, Theresa May (the only female cabinet member and only the second woman to ever hold the Home Sec position)

A passionate moderniser with an exotic taste in shoes, she famously ruffled feathers when she told Tory activists they were seen as members of the "nasty party".

and yes, the bold is my own.

I know what you're thinking... probably something like my reaction at first glance,
'Oh, this must have be some light-hearted get-to-know-them piece full of little personal and inconsequential anecdotes.'

Alas you, like me, would be wrong.

LB

unison

2010-05-12T15:13:00.001+01:00

i wanted to give Joel something really beautiful to welcome him to his summer, which begins today...

i've been listening to music all morning. hadn't heard this in ages and was reminded that as with so many of Bjork's love songs, she writes 'em like few others can... and though it's near impossible to make a choice, i always find the strings in this track nothing short of breath-taking. this is for him, who is no less so...

One hand allows the other
So much and me

Born stubborn me
Will always be
Before you count
One two three
I will have grown my own private branch
Of this tree

You gardener
You discipliner
Domestically
I can obey all of your rules
And still be, be

I never thought I would compromise

Let's unite tonight
We shouldn't fight
Embrace you tight
Let's unite tonight

I thrive best hermit style
With a beard and a pipe
And a parrot on each side
But now I can't do this without you

I never thought I would compromise

Let's unite tonight
We shouldn't fight
Embrace you tight
Let's unite tonight

One hand allows the other
So much and me

Unison
Unison
Unison

15 days and counting...

LB

roll up roll up the the carnival's come to town

2010-05-12T12:33:00.001+01:00

pulling up the soap box to momentarily speak my mind...

Elena Kagan, Obama SCOTUS nominee. frankly, i watched with horror yesterday evening as over at the daily dish Sullivan pushed and pushed and pushed on the question of her orientation. given there'd been discussion over at the queer and queerer podcast and Peterson's blog over outing public figures with power, this was yet another case of murky moral waters in which intersecting issues collide.

from the daily dish daily wrap:

In Kagan coverage, Andrew scrutinized her careerism and elitism, readers continued to dissent with him over his outing inquiries, and others commented on her issues with recruitment on campus. Horton examined her views on the executive, Stuart Taylor did the same approvingly, Josh Green assessed the politics of the confirmation, Maggie Gallagher tried to decipher her stance on marriage equality, and a New Yorker commenter challenged Toobin on the closet. Andrew continued to mull over Kagan's identity here and especially here.
Finally, an answer appeared.

as in the discussion with Peterson and Zack, i sifted through it all thinking it's murky but in this case it's not because of the ethics of outing. it would be a major landmark in civil rights progress had she turned out to be gay. on that, i agree with Sullivan. but another factor comes in here that reminded me of Peterson and Zack's discussion because the other point of contention in it was over whether men (gay or straight) can be feminists...

here's the moment that got me really annoyed -- a reader dissents:

Gosh you are pissing me off today! Toobin said they have been friends for 30 years, and he couldn't tell you what she is passionate about. If she is so private she doesn't share her own beliefs on many issues, I don't understand how anyone would expect her to share her sexual preference. She hasn't openly appeared with a partner, so whether she is straight, gay or just wants to be friends with a bunch of books is hardly my business.
The other thing I find disconcerting is everyone seems to assume because she is 50 and not married she must be gay? Couldn't she just be single? Maybe she hasn't ever met anyone she wants to marry, or someone who wasn't intimidated by her fierce intellect and ambition. Maybe she, and by extension, the White House are telling the truth, and have said all they are going to say.

Sullivan responded:
"I always know when someone has no idea how being gay can affect one's entire life-experience when they use the term "sexual preference." It's like a taste in rock rather than country. They would never use that context about a heterosexual."
(italics my own - LB)

another reader dissents:

"Did you ask the same question about Sonia Sotomayor that you are now asking about Elena Kagan?

In her early twenties Sotomayor married a man, but she has been single ever since when they divorced in her late twenties, and she has had no children. Did you demand information about her sexual identity, as you now demand it about Kagan? If not, why not? Is it simply because Kagan was never married to a man? Please consider for a moment the immense presumptiveness this implies."

Sullivan responds:

"Well, Sotomayor had some kind of private life that clearly tipped the scales toward heterosexuality. Kagan appears to have none at all."

i'll leave aside the many layered ironies of that absurdly narrow and ignorant view of human sexualities and indeed 'immense presumptiveness' about Sotomayor's orientation in that 'tipping the scales' comment, which i'm not even going to bother getting into because there's other things i want to do with my day. suffice to say if Sullivan's gonna reject a reader's comment based on their (presumably straight) ignorance by using the word 'preference' then frankly he deserves to be called out for his blindness as a man.

why all this speculation in the first place? (please look away now if you are sensitive, i'm about to say something quite unseemly and maybe to some even grotesque...)

my firm belief is that it's not whether she's gay or straight that's the real issue here - it's the persistent stigma of a woman being successful and ... single. i'm sorry, i know that's a distasteful thing to say but it had to be said. my response:

I always know when someone has no idea how being female can affect one's entire life-experience when they think a 50 year old woman's apparent lack of any intimate relationships is a matter worth this level of scrutiny.

Sullivan's not alone from speaking out of his male privilege. David Brooks called her an "Organization Kid". a kid. that should've been called out for what it is: infantalization of a 50 year old woman. if there's one thing Kagan is not, it's a child. she's deserves the respect of not to be referred to as a "kid".

i might be wrong but those dissenting readers who tackle Sullivan read to me like women's voices. and i'm with them regardless of their gender, because i too was pissed off...

Kagan is a woman who's successful, learned, lined up for a tenured position of life-long power.
would it make any difference if she were gay as well as single? not at all. it'd likely be a good thing for the court. just as her being a woman is good for the court. but that misses the point. her life is being raked over because there was no apparent evidence that she's ever had a partner. she has "no private life". because she's single and from all reports it seems she has been for most of her adult life.

William Saletan made very sharp critique of Sullivan's scrutinising by turning his own words against him and Sullivan backed down shortly before an answer (she's straight) was published.

should it surprise me that one of the most visible gay voices in the political media persists one of the oldest patriarchal tricks in the book? of baiting a woman because her lack of a partner must mean something... for generations men have assumed if a woman is single for long enough well, there's only one explanation - she must be gay.

i know it's bizarre to suggest what's going on here is a gay man doing what far too many straight men do all the time. after all, one would have to presume it's not as if Sullivan's male identity is threatened if she rejects men. but there it is all the same. i've been a woman in this world long enough to know the stigma that women experience if they don't have a man to give them dignity as a person. i know far too many women that are pitied for not having a partner. to assume that "she must be gay" meme is simply homophobia in action is actually to miss the underlying misogyny at work.

i read it all yesterday with horror because i read it as a woman.

Sullivan claimed saying someone is gay shouldn't be seen as libel. this direct asking about her sexual identity given shouldn't be seen as an act of shaming, because being gay isn't something to be ashamed of. on that we are agreed. and yet:

Elena Kagan: Successful. and it would appear, Straight. but dear god... 50 and Single. no wonder inquiring minds thought she must have something to hide. why's she not out and proud? what a curiosity... what a freak...

LB

take five...

2010-05-06T21:48:00.001+01:00

Hammock - Breathturn from David Altobelli on Vimeo.
From the album "Chasing After Shadows... Living with the Ghosts" (May 18, 2010)
Director/Editor: David Altobelli

official band site here <--follow the twitter and FB links there for more info.

apparently these guys are outta Nashville. Chris loves 'em. they gotta be good.
so very lovely. have to get a hold of more of this.

enjoy.

LB

wholeness is togetherness

2010-05-06T16:36:00.000+01:00

no time to write at the moment -- i'm running up against a rapidly looming deadline for school.
still, i did manage to procrastinate by writing a piece for Shirley over at Flowers For Rifles... it's here.

right, really need to get my ass into gear. right now there are many blank pages to fill and only muddled thoughts to fill them with.

'til next week, hope you are safe and well wherever you are.

oh, one last thing: great piece on Nashville (lack of) media coverage here at The Nashville Scene

LB

five feet high and rising

2010-05-03T12:32:00.001+01:00

yesterday was anything but a day of rest. i had hoped to be buried in writing for school and other projects but the day was totally overtaken by dramatic turns. my stepmother (who has been in hospital recently but back home and apparently doing well) collapsed yesterday and was rushed by ambulance to A&E. seems she has reacted very badly to medication she was on. things seem to stabilise over the day but we're waiting for more news. it's been stressful. especially for my dad. UPDATE: she's better than yesterday. sitting up and chatting.

meanwhile my attention was being pulled to Nashville as the thunderstorms kept rolling in and i tried to keep track of the flooding. i think the scale and impact of the damage has yet to be fully realised and going by the impact of severe flooding here in Ireland and Britain over the winter, it is likely that things will likely get worse before they get better.

i've been disturbed at just how poor the mainstream national media coverage has been of the floods. for those living outside of TN without access to local news channels, the best on the ground coverage is coming from the Nashvillest blog and The Tennessean. both have been exemplary.

i joined twitter about a week ago. thought i'd give it a trial spin. very glad i did now. i really hope twitter doesn't go the way of facebook as it attempts to monetise what they've got going on. any thoughts of my returning to facebook have been squashed by their recent and invasive 'connections' developments which are clearly designed to serve their customers (ie companies seeking marketing data) and not the user (ie individuals with a facebook profile)
there's really good advice for facebook users at this EFF site with helpful translations of facebookspeak to explain just what the 'connections' and 'like' button are actually designed for. personally, i found scouring the red hyperlinks on their site a disturbing read.

compared to the mainstream media twitter has proved an incredibly adept piece of social networking. i was deeply suspicious of twitter when it first appeared, but in a crisis, at least for those with privilege of online access, it's been an incredible source of information.

here's a strangely beautiful video made over the weekend:

LB

all good things

2010-04-28T23:37:00.001+01:00

after four days filled with lots of loveliness and chat, i was up early this morning seeing Kristen off to her flight home. the day's been kind of sleepy as a result but not without its fill of goodness. having given david's talk at DPC a couple of listens i've been thinking about cups that can't contain the goodness running over and of loving economies. and i'm feeling thankful.

over on twitter another david (lynch) has been drumming up votes for Interview Project on the webby awards. there looks to be some great stuff in the category (online film series, if memory serves) and i'm looking forward to following them up. there's now 111 stories on Interview Project and more yet to come from there 20,000 mile road trip. there's so many i've still to see and so many i've enjoyed. each one is a story worth hearing although many are hard to hear. each is the story of a unique human. i'm grateful for these simple glimpses of life in all their beauty and their pain.

glad too for conversations with loved ones near and far. much of May will be quiet and there's a lot of writing to be done between now and mid August. but within a month from now Joel will be here and the summer will be filled with company.

it's all good.

LB

risk of head exploding

2010-04-28T13:16:00.001+01:00

Talk about seriously mixed messaging from the GOP. The irony of the following dots that refuse to connect leaves me flummoxed...

Dot 1: last Friday, Gov Jan Brewer(R) signs the highly controversial immigration law in AZ.

Dot 2: Gov Brewer (R) has a seat in the 'War Room' of the Republican Governor's Association.
(no - i'm not sure why they call it a war room either. it's just a map. click on Arizona on the interactive map and there's her name.) i can only presume this means the RGA support Gov Brewer and she in turn is happy to be a part of the RGA and receive it's support. and indeed yours too if you wish to make a financial contribution to the GOP comeback.

Dot 3: Also this past week the Republican Governor's Association launched their 'Remember NoVember' campaign.

According to this article Joel sent me (and i don't think they're wrong) the campaign and their video appears to be 'inspired' by Alan Moore & David Lloyd's V for Vendetta, or the film of the same name. I suspect the latter because I can't believe a single GOP governor has actually read the former. It is a story about the bringing down of a facist/neo-Nazi totalitarian regime.
So, here we have the 'GOP Comeback' campaign suggesting -- with what has been called 'veiled racism' -- that President Obama is a facist and that to support your Republican Governor you should be like Guy Fawkes, or indeed V, who is based on Fawkes.
I presume/hope they mean with your vote rather than with gunpowder. or treason. or indeed plot.

Here comes the irony between those dots...
If you haven't read V for Vendetta it might be helpful to know how anarchist (and as far as i know pacifist) author Alan Moore shows the reader that the fictitious Norsefire party running Britain are indeed fascists:
Amongst other enemies of purity and unity, the state authorities forcibly round up people of colour.

To quote V himself, "This is not anarchy, Evey, this is chaos."

(Olbermann, Maddow and guests made sharp analysis of the Arizona law last night here, here, here and here. and Olbermann also had a sober conversation with Richard Wolffe about the insidious irony that Fox & other right-leaning media outlets are describing President Obama as playing 'the race card'. )

::

keeping it all together, David preached at DPC on Sunday. skull may just hold a little longer...

LB

making a positive difference

2010-04-23T21:12:00.002+01:00

no time to write* but two definite recommendations:

received the very lovely latest mailing from the very awesome Over The Rhine with news of their next album, which they are looking for help with. see here for all the details. i think, if a person knew that someone they loved, (like really loved, as in 'i want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you' really,) was a fan of this band and knew or even guessed at how much joy said really loved one would get from listening to this as yet unrecorded -- but quite possibly masterpiece -- album, well i think that that person could do a lot worse than going to and making a donation. not only would it help good artists make a real genuine living from their art, independent of big corporations, but pre-ordering the album means the resulting CD could then be saved as a surprise gift for some future date. it's good to be prepared. you know like for a birthday, or an anniversary, or your wedding day, even Christmas day. or what about Valentine's day, or even a plain ol' rainy day when the world needs to seem a little brighter and you want to encapsulate your affection with a small token of same? anyway, thought i'd mention it. just as a suggestion like. not looking at anyone in particular. nope. not all. the new OTR album. not yet recorded. a mere snip of a thing, starting at only $15. i'm sure the result will be well worth a listen. it's not gonna change the whole world, but it'll make someone's world better. maybe quite a few someones. and that ain't nothing. and of course, being prepared could save a person a whole lot of stress in this busy world we live in. just saying. ;)

and speaking of making this world a little better, awesome friend mistertumnus has just created a brand new site: Flowers for Rifles. and what a good idea it is. such a lovely concept. i'm looking forward to contributing to it myself. you should too. really. this is something positive to be a part of. and you can pull it out on a rainy day and bask in it's warmth and be reminded of the good things folks are doing in the world, big and small. go on... lend a hand. tell your stories, share the good things you see making a difference... combat the pessimism that we're all doomed to hell in a handbasket. today you get to see a very funny snippet of one of Peterson's marvellous plays. details of how to contribute content are on the About page.

*a dear college buddy arrives in from Chicago in the morning. 4 days and nights of chat to ensue. one for every year since we last saw each other. much to be done before bed. ie. tidying up my mess.
(she's bringing little debbie's snack cakes (for me) and an iPad (hers). now which will i lick first, i wonder? still the former will make for useful salve to my all-but-guaranteed jealousy over the latter.)

shoot. this was meant to be two lines.

enjoy the weekend.
LB

earth day

2010-04-23T00:38:00.000+01:00

Restoring Life's Balance through soil and friends
a lovely post in praise of urban gardening over at the SoF blog.

LB

kill the hypothetical

2010-04-19T12:43:00.001+01:00

I've got a face. You've got a face. It's all gonna be alright.

- Noel Fielding.

surreal and hopeful, it's one of my favourite quotes of the year so far, and yet all too often it isn't alright, is it... this 2003 interview with david foster wallace is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me going back to the daily dish despite my shifting some measure of online allegiance to TNC. the beauty of, and indeed the inspirations behind, DFW's insights and writing reflected here only adds to the tragedy of what lay ahead. i've only scratched the surface of the interview but the opening slot is infused with the Real and i greatly admire his obvious commitment to avoiding abstraction. i think i'm going to need to file it under the slow burn. in some ways it reminds me of the Sam Keen lecture. probably because i'm becoming less and less interested in abstract argument and increasingly drawn to embodiment and experience.

having let go of the loss yesterday of a whole list of podcasts i wanted to recommend, here's just a sample of audio treats i'm loving:

Jonny's online EP is filling me with delight.

Pete's posted Pádraig's mash-up, which has brought back a flood of many happy memories -- of nights singing this (and a load of other songs that share the chord sequence) after dinner, by candlelight,

with many dear friends fuelled by wine and cheese and dark chocolate. such good times. Pád's first album is launched here at Proost. so very very proud of him and so very glad folks get to have this in their virtual turntable.

please support both Jonny and Pád by purchasing a download if you can.

in other calls to financially support dear friends trying to make an earnest living online, i'm liking the film talk's daily broadcasts, live at the 2010 Nashville film festival. you can really help the film talk's financial viability by going to the site and then using the link to a free audiobook of your choice from audible dot com.

i'm feeling most honoured and privileged to have been asked to contribute some thoughts for Peterson's Transfigurations graphic novel project. currently at the, 'letting it all percolate in

the back of my mind' phase and looking forward to writing the resulting brew...

in the meantime, enjoying another of his projects - the brand new Queer and Queerer podcast. themes are LGBTQ issues, religion, pop culture and higher education. their first effort is entertaining, provocative and i'm looking forward to seeing where they take it.

right, this is my last week of classes. much to be done. better get to it.

Posted via email from little bird's posterous

mish mash ups odds n ends etc

2010-04-18T21:58:00.001+01:00

edited to add - if anyone knows where the first half of this post went please get in touch. had a whole list of links to cool audio stuff i'm liking. pah!
i can't remember if i posted this already, but regardless, i've listened several times now to Sam Keen's In The Absence of God. i love this talk. fits really nicely with some ikon themes and has a lovely emotional and community groundedness to it. i can't recommend this one highly enough. very much looking forward to reading his book on this theme.

also enjoyed seeing Ta-Nehisi Coates interview David Remnick at the NYPL. and while we're at it - TNC's ongoing series of posts 'honouring Confederate History Month (CHM)' (just one example of many here) has been my daily must-read of the past few weeks. brilliant posts and excellent conversations resulting in the comments. really really worth one's time.

i'm listening to a series of southern gardening podcasts and trying to decide what i wanna keep up with. i think this is one from MSU is my fave so far (archives / podcast).

this has been a somewhat strange week. my step-mother's in hospital (although hopefully not for much longer), there's an ash cloud hanging over our heads and not a plane in the sky. i've a friend due to visit from Chicago on Saturday and i'm hoping things will be back to normal so we don't miss out on several days of chat we have planned.

but despite the uncertainty, it's spring here in Dublin and although it's a little cool, it's dry and quite lovely.

i've planted some seeds in my window boxes and pots...
*sunflowers
*sweet peas
*gypsophlia
*clarkia
*night scented stock
*two different types of nasturtium

once they're established i'll be looking into staking options.
and just in case none of them grow (which not only shows a lack of trust in my own green fingers but a silly lack of faith in soil+sun+water+life) - i got a couple of geraniums.

all in all things are good. i miss my love but so far it's not proved a fatal separation. i fell asleep in last night with him on skype beside me while he worked on some weeds in a flower bed.

blessings all,

LB

not fair. not balanced.

2010-04-16T21:29:00.003+01:00

so Fox News is picking on kids... in this case, transgender kids.

first up the action call issued by glaad is here. however, the video links provided don't go where they are supposed to. so, fwiw, i'm linking them. even though that risks Fox getting hits i'd rather they not have. but someone might see them and want to write an angry email. (see the previous glaad link for how to do that.)

for the first video, even though it's Fox News and even though it's Megyn Kelly wearing her 'concerned' face, which never lifts my mood, i decided to check it out.
her live interview with Mara Keisling of the National Center for Transgender Equality, been pulled from youtube. but you can get it here at Fox News. Fair play to Keisling for keeping a cool head.

as for the bill o'reilly segment, it's here on o'reilly's page. see Is It Legal? Lowdown - april 13 in the video playlist. "Kimberly Guilfoyle and Lis Wiehl discuss Russian adoption controversy and atheist vs. pope" - the discussion follows those two items in the segment.

frankly, i wouldn't recommend it. it's hideous. i just hope no trandsgender kid was in the room with this on the tv. o'reilly had the audacity to say he wasn't picking on kids -- after several minutes of displaying nothing short of intentional ridicule. ugh.

i give a damn...

LB

meditate this

2010-04-13T10:35:00.000+01:00

seriously good auditory blessings to be found over at Pete's blog in the form of Pádraig's poetry and song and the unravelling ikon benediction - all recorded in Brooklyn at the weekend.

LB

note for parents with kidlets: Maranatha contains some (entirely appropriate) adult language.
gorgeous photo is courtesy of Thomas Just. no infringement intended.

thou best and dearest

2010-04-11T13:00:00.001+01:00

not unconnected to this morning's earlier post, comes a lament of a different kind. another offering from the BBC's long-running Transatlantic Sessions*, this is too gorgeous not to share.
Joel's been on something of a Shakespeare fix of late. so for that, and because our own story is woven with letters across distance - ours and those from other pens -- this offering from the great bard i was raised on, is for him...

(this song was written in a letter to Agnes M'Lehose, or 'Clarinda', also known as 'Nancy' to her friends in December 1791, when she left Burns, and Scotland, to follow her husband to Jamaica to try to save her marriage. see wiki)

Nancy was one of many 'loves', but for a' that, the human heart has rarely been expressed with more ache or more tender beauty...

Ae Fond Kiss, And Then We Sever
by Robert Burns
Song; 1791
Tune: Rory Dall's Port.
(words below the video)

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerful twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy:
But to see her was to love her;
Love but her, and love for ever.
Had we never lov'd sae kindly,
Had we never lov'd sae blindly,
Never met-or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!
Ae fareweel, alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

LB
* edited to add -- there's a cracking session with Aly Bain and transatlantic friends at that link. jerry douglas and others play to perfection with james taylor in a slower session here. one of my favourite songs of all time. you can't go wrong with these folk start playing... blissful way to spend a sunday listening to these sessions...

tis a durge, that is murmured...

2010-04-11T11:50:00.000+01:00

having dinner with my dad last night, he mentioned an article he'd been reading about Gettysburg and conversation turned to civil war history and the south. being a lover of traditional music of the scots-irish variety my dad mentioned the songs of the mid 1800s and then to the work Stephen Foster. later in the evening i did an unrelated YouTube search for the Transatlantic Sessions and just-so happened upon the beautiful version of one of Foster's most famous songs, see below, which brings my dad's musical loves and mine together through the various voices joined here. (RIP Kate McGarrigle)...

this morning i find it making all too apt accompaniment to this AP article on msnbc.com, which is deeply disturbing (and i say that without an ounce of hyperbole): Even after death, gay Africans are abused. i'm not sure what one does in response to this story. in other recent reports on LGBT rights in Africa, (such as this one), there appears to be caution amongst Senegalese activists to speak about international support they are receiving for fear it will cause more harm than good. (I assume this is because, 1. publicising international activist support plays into the hands of the anti-gay political meme that homosexuality is being encouraged by pro-gay western intrusion and/or 2. activists risk being identified via any publicity that arises from links with western activist organisations.)

this is the most emailed article on msnbc.com at time of writing. at least it means some folks must give a damn...

(this version doesn't have the final, sadly all too appropriate final verse from the original lyrics - see below the video)

Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears,
While we all sup sorrow with the poor;
There's a song that will linger forever in our ears;
Oh Hard times come again no more.

Chorus:

Tis the song, the sigh of the weary,
Hard Times, hard times, come again no more
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door;
Oh hard times come again no more.

While we seek mirth and beauty and music light and gay,
There are frail forms fainting at the door;
Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say
Oh hard times come again no more.
(Chorus)

There's a pale drooping maiden who toils her life away,
With a worn heart whose better days are o'er:
Though her voice would be merry, 'tis sighing all the day,
Oh hard times come again no more.
(Chorus)

Tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave,
Tis a wail that is heard upon the shore
Tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave
Oh hard times come again no more.
(Chorus)

- Stephen Foster, 1854

i give a damn. do you?

LB

Instructions

2010-04-09T12:58:00.001+01:00

On a day touched by the worries of reality and unknowns that lie ahead, this piece of magic from Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess seems to me to be a beautiful call to calm courage. I can't wait to get a copy of the book.

LB

bait and switch

2010-04-07T17:11:00.001+01:00

i've been reading the hundreds of comments online about Constance McMillan and the two proms held for the IAHS students on Good Friday.

In numerous places the case of an African American student excluded by a cruel trick from her Birmingham, Alabama high school prom in 1965 has been raised. Parallels have been drawn with whites-only private events that were a response to school integration in the 'desegregated' South. while i don't think there's exact overlay, i can see why folks see the parallels - a spirit of majority rule, a definite flavour of separatism and scapegoating. what strikes me is the blindness that comes all to easily with privilege.

these comments (apparantly from IHAS students) defending the private prom and responding to comments that they excluded students with learning challenges as well as McMillan, struck me as being... well... i'll let them speak for themselves...

What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco....
I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.
Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences. - from here. bold my own.

i don’t understand the disabled kids stuff, we don’t even talk to them, so stop judging. they could have come to our prom if they wanted to.
- from here. bold my own.

Billie Holiday was born this day, 1915*. While there is no comparison to be made with current events in Fulton, Miss. and the history of lynching, hearing this song again was a sobering reminder of just how far we can descend into inhumanity.

when we have privilege on one hand and burden on the other, i'm mindful it is not the role of the privileged to take the role of victim, nor to see those who are burdened as needing to be 'let' have their rights -- equality demands much deeper transformation than the many making concessions to the few. all are demeaned by inequality -- it keeps us all from the fullness of our humanity. in the words of another song, none of us is free. when a minority is not being afforded respect, no true respect exists for any. yet how quickly we can cast blame on the burdened, on those in the minority as our privilege is unsettled. and how ugly it can get.

LB
*hat tip to today's writer's almanac with garrison keillor.

footage and film stock(ings)

2010-04-06T22:08:00.000+01:00

really lovely compilation of censored film from the early days of cinema over at the daily dish. nothing offensive at all in the collection by today's standards so no need for any caution. worth taking a look.

i thought it beautifully put together and gently thought provoking.

LB

how to speak of faith

2010-04-06T16:44:00.002+01:00

(click anywhere in the video and it takes you to the Ustream site to play there.
clicking on the play arrow on the left hand side of the player's bottom margin will cause it to play here as an embedded link. take your pick.)

more info on this recording at SoF

LB

a matter of the imagination

2010-04-05T16:14:00.001+01:00

after a hideously all-too-brief chat with Joel as he downed some breakfast in a hurry, i thought i'd experiment with video-blogging. a frustrated hour later i concluded i can't get it to work. so, for now at least, i'll have to settle for trusty old text.
i was inspired by David's 'Evolving Church' video over at Peer Pressure is Forever -- both in form (it made me wonder if i had the technology to respond in kind. right now it seems i don't.) and in content (some stuff i'd been thinking about blogging fits somewhat as a response to his conversation starter.)

going by the title, 'Evolving Church, David is evidently speaking at the Evolving Church conference: Kingdom Economy in Toronto next week. it's organised by a small group called the Epiphaneia Network
(incidentally, epiphaniea is the greek noun for, 'an appearance' or 'an appearing'. it's the root of the English word epiphany. seems to me that links nicely with David's definition of the classic.)

David's talk of 'cosmic plainspeak' links with a series of conversations i've got going on at the moment. there's a rolling theme of definitions around which the core of Christianity is based and whether we (or Christianity) are better served (a) by a singular agreed unifying literal definition or (b) by multiple definitions that go beyond the fixed, literal, absolute to embrace the multiplicity of definitons that extend across the metaphorical, the poetic, the psychoanalytic, the imaginative... you can guess which i go with i'm sure... it also links with some reading and writing of late...

For Christmas, David and Sarah gave me a copy of The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K LeGuin.
By coincidence, while i was reading it, i had a class on the theme of the sexual division of labour -- a radical feminist theory that draws on Marxism to explore how labour is divided along gender lines into the productive and the reproductive. we explored theoretical texts and also fictional texts -- in particular, Marge Piercy's A Woman on the Edge of Time and Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale. It was a happy coincidence because The Left Hand of Darkness is (among other themes) an exploration of gender difference, social ordering, reproduction and duality.

When were given a list of essay questions for that course, along with the option of coming up with our own title, i decided i wanted to explore the sexual division of labour theory and incorporate LeGuin's novel. so, i sat down with my lecturer, (also called Ursula), and we came up with this:

Is it gender difference that determines our primary caring roles, or is it our inability to imagine another order?

i like the use of 'imagine' there. it opens up a possiblity to explore how our thinking is often unimaginative - we assume that gender and gendered roles are ordered because that's simply the way it is, it's common sense, there's no other way we might do it, because we forget or ignore it is in large part a social construction. 'imagine' also allows me to see what we might learn from those who have imaginatively explored these issues through fiction.

when i came up with that title, i had not (consciously) remembered that the opening lines of The Left Hand of Darkness are these...

I'll make my report as if I told a story, for I was taught as a child on my homeworld that Truth is a matter of the imagination. The soundest fact may fail or prevail in the style of its teling: like that singular organic jewel of our seas, which grows brighter as one woman wears it and, worn by another, dulls and goes to dust. Facts are no more solid, coherent, round, and real than pearls are. And both are sensitive.
The story is not all mine, nor told by me alone. Indeed I am not sure whose story it is; you can judge the better. But it is all one, and if at moments the facts seem to alter with an altered voice, why then you can choose the fact you like best; yet none of them are false, and it is all one story.

That line, 'Truth is a matter of the imagination' seems to connect a lot with what David's got going on with his 'cosmic plainspeak' and 'life sentences' and 'the classic'...

I did a bit of research and discovered that in the 1976 edition of the novel, LeGuin inserted an author's introduction in which she explores this very theme of truth and imagination. she sees science fiction as descriptive rather than extrapolative or predictive. It's a thought experiment, in which we explore the present by using the future as metaphor.
In some ways i am thinking we could take what she has written about science fiction and apply it to scripture... and it's got connections to what i want to do with my paper as i play with 'imagine'...

for revelation, for epiphanies and appearances, for telling to be the kind of gift that keeps on giving, for the classic -- we need more than the empirical, the literal, the kind of proofreading that says there's only one reading... we need to approach text with our whole selves and with our imaginations open to possibility, to revelation. to use another line of LeGuin's "a book is just a box of words until a reader opens it"

and, to quote Joel's nephew Patrick,
"The problem with talking about canon is that you end up talking about texts rather than ideas."

anyways... there's some dots.

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K LeGuin at amazon

1976 author's introduction to The Left Hand of Darkness

the Insurrection tour has reached Nashville. as i type Pádraig is sleeping in Joel's house. that is both comforting and delightfully weird to wrap my head around in a way that it wouldn't have been last summer. i'm sorry to be missing it all.

LB

the persistent newness

2010-04-04T22:37:00.000+01:00

Feeling the distance this weekend and yet goodness abounds. Jayne came down here for an overnight trip so there was chat and comfort aplenty, and there was dinner with my folks and skyping with Nashville, where family and friends are gathered in abundance.

and i got to skype with Toronto, from where my 3 year old neice sang me songs and my nephew is teetering on the edge of taking his first steps. my face damn near fell off i was smiling so hard.

may we find life eastering in us.

LB

Image: the easter bunny. by Sequoia.
no copyright infringement intended.

it's time for things to change

2010-04-03T11:59:00.002+01:00

i would have posted this yesterday but the site was inundated with traffic beyond their expectations. it's been upgraded and now running smoothly. catch up today.

via the site, via twitter, via facebook, on your blog, your website, via email and more.

Because Joel is a male-identified man and i am a female-identified woman, he and i are being afforded privileges and protections in our relationship that some of our friends are being denied.

this is unequal. it demeans others. but i believe this inequality also demeans us and our relationship.

Why? Because we didn't earn those privileges and protections. instead they've been given to us unearned, simply by virtue of our gendered identity -- because of the bodies we were born into, bodies we did not choose. not because we love one another, not because of our commitment, not because of what we share together or how we are alike, not even because of our orientations, but because he and i are simply perceived to be different from one another. and our gender difference from one another is seen as more important than our characters and the quality of the loving care and commitment we show one another. i don't think that's just unequal, i find that insulting to our humanity and our love for one another, just as it insults the humanity and love of our friends.

just because we chose each other, why should we be treated better than others? ours is not a better class of love. and yet it's treated like it is better. we will accept

the protections on offer to us so that we can make a life together. but i, for one, will not accept the inequality on which our unearned privilege is based. this inequality affords our togetherness a social and civic status that is being denied to our friends. i want all couples to be granted these same protections we are being offered, these same rights for togetherness.

it's time for things to change.

get informed. get involved.

i give a damn. do you?

Posted via email from little bird's posterous

hard core poetry

2010-04-02T20:25:00.001+01:00

The Martyr by Herman Melville

Good Friday was the day
Of the prodigy and crime,
When they killed him in his pity,
When they killed him in his prime
Of clemency and calm--
When with yearning he was filled
To redeem the evil-willed,
And, though conqueror, be kind;
But they killed him in his kindness,
In their madness and their blindness,
And they killed him from behind.

There is sobbing of the strong,
And a pall upon the land;
But the People in their weeping
Bare the iron hand;
Beware the People weeping
When they bare the iron hand.

He lieth in his blood--
The father in his face;
They have killed him, the Forgiver--
The Avenger takes his place,
The Avenger wisely stern,
Who in righteousness shall do
What the heavens call him to,
And the parricides remand;
For they killed him in his kindness,
In their madness and their blindness,
And his blood is on their hand.

There is sobbing of the strong,
And a pall upon the land;
But the People in their weeping
Bare the iron hand;
Beware the People weeping
When they bare the iron hand

hat tip goes to Sorn, one of the many great regulars over at TNC's blog on The Atlantic. (there's an open thread at noon everyday and a tradition of posting poetry on a Friday.)

more later.

Posted via email from little bird's posterous

sit by me

2010-03-29T01:37:00.000+01:00

on the back of the previous post, here's an experiment in music uploading over at this page.

LB

old favourites

2010-03-17T14:02:00.001Z

yesterday i got listening to Lies Damned Lies. i had an email exchange with Chris and that often makes me think of LDL as it's a shared love.

the album, the human dress is a good place to start. it's nice to be rediscovering it. it's good to be reminded of just how beautiful Steve Butler's voice is...
i've rarely held back in expressing how much i don't resonate with what's called "contemporary Christian music". that in large part the fault of this band. because they were an early love and not much else could compare.

my top tracks currently going around the virtual turntable in the form of a playlist:

from the human dress:
* sit by me
* the human dress (lyrics by william blake)
* the next life
* free of the fear - from lamentations (great album for Lent)
* i'd make it up - from after virtue
* one time - from flying kites
* at the centre - from the last place on the map

and i'm adding there you were from steve butler's solo album lovecomedown because it made my eyes prick with very particular kind of tears to read these words on the sleeve insert yesterday...

when i could not be persuaded
when i could not find my way
and the last thing i wanted to hear was
'you never should say never"
i came round the corner and there you were

dunno where they are these days, maybe on the face book, maybe disbanded, closed up shop, maybe just unplugged and still playing in a living room somewhere. the original websites are closed, and i can't see how you can get hold of their stuff but there's still a very out of date LDL myspace site here
steve stockman has a 2007 review of one of their living room gigs here. it really was that good. but it seems after that night they dropped off the face of the web.

oh well.

more later on other matters entirely, but for now, Happy St Patrick's Day. i'm wearing green but entirely unintentionally. it was late morning when it was pointed out to me it was the 17th.

here's to coming round corners...

LB

so we might look outside our tiny mind boxes

2010-03-16T18:31:00.001Z

just picked this up on the glaad.org daily bulletin.
gotta be a contender for speech of the week.

the geeks will inherit the earth,

LB

the award winning interview on CNN is available here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT9I-36aim8

together apart

2010-03-15T13:35:00.002Z

ah, the best laid plans... Yesterday, Joel's flight out of Dublin was delayed by over 6 hours leading to an unplanned overnight stay in Chicago in an airport hotel courtesy of American Airlines. he's hopefully flying back to Nashville as i type. he has a class starting in an hour. he's either got a stand-by ticket for the first flight out this morning or he's now frustratedly stuck waiting for the next. or indeed the next. i'm starting to see the value of having a mobile phone. (neither of us do.)

[UPDATED: he not only got a seat on the 7am flight, it landed 10 minutes early, he got his luggage and then a cab, showed the driver some back street short cuts to avoid rush hour traffic, reached the classroom with seconds to spare and delivered his first lecture on time. at 0910. most people (i.e. me) would have believed it impossible and gone ahead and just cancelled class. Joel is not most people.]

all to say, after an early start yesterday we found ourselves hanging out in Dublin airport for the morning and chose smiles over tears, grateful for an extra bit of time together. lots of nice chat ensued.

our plan is that he'll will be back here at the end of May. and we're hoping to have all of June and July and a good bit of August together with a brief gap in the middle when he'll likely be taking a research trip to Germany. i'm still trying to decide if i'm going to join him there. i'll be right of the middle of writing my thesis. the opportunity is pretty tempting if it didn't interrupt my work flow. but that seems like a big ask. that said, i'm exploring a text that is deeply concerned with Nazism. we visited Kilmainham Gaol on Saturday and it proved unexpectedly but delightfully helpful to find myself in the very kind of architecture that inspired Foucault's theories. (i'll be drawing on his ideas of the internalised surveillance of the Panopticon in the thesis.) it brought the theory to life. the same might be true of going to Germany. so i have to think that through.

regardless, i'm so looking forward to the summer. this past week was nothing short of lovely. with a load of grading to do, Joel had to work while he was here and I cooked and made copious pots of tea. in the summer the tables will be turned and Joel's plan is to keep me fed and watered, and create a space where i don't need to think about anything but my writing.

it's been lovely having a week where i didn't feel any sense of dislocation. it was blissful and we relished the togetherness and the foretaste of the summer to come.

had a very nice 24 hours up north too. Joel loved meeting the tuesday crew and we had a very lovely time with Shirley and fam and we were blessed to stay with Jayne. all in all - brilliant trip with very enjoyable train journeys there and back.

this is my second reading week without classes. i did actually end up doing some work last week while Joel graded, despite giving myself permission to do none. that said, reading Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics and reading Spiegelman's Maus feels like the best kind of work. today i plan to finish both. and it was a pleasure for us both to work in one another's company.

we had some nice little trips into the city, and my parentals took us out for a very amazing dinner to officially mark and celebrate our engagement at one of my favourite restaurants. and Joel got to meet my step-sister and one of my step-brothers. so it was all full of bonding and getting to know the neighbourhood.

the rest of this week will be spent getting my library in order, creating some kind of draft work plan for the next 11 weeks and also working on one of several papers due in over the spring/summer. which means getting back to some theoretical reading and analysis. (with a copy of From Hell sitting on the coffee table waiting to be read, that's all going to take some discipline.) but i do hope to also spend some time on some thesis related art work.

right, better get some reading done...

be well.

"our tiny skull-sized kingdoms"

2010-03-08T13:36:00.000Z

the sun is shining outside, i've just re-aubergined my hair and Joel is sitting at the coffee table marking exam papers for a while before we head into the city for the afternoon.

waiting for the water to heat so i can take a quick shower, i've been browsing through my google reader and this caught my eye...

naturally, intrigued. i took the bait. so glad i did. this is an extract from a 2005 commencement speech at kenyon college by the late David Foster Wallace. breathtaking.

other things i've been liking of late...

eve ensler's thoughts on emotions and girls developing in this fora.tv conversation with author Daniel Handler (aka Lemony Snicket) - i'm running this in the background and Joel's downed tools and is engrossed...

"people who can say 'scud missiles' and 'plutonium' and 'war' and have no problem with that... they were horrified by the word vagina"

neil gaiman's latest post from a very nice hotel room in holywood. we got this morning's Oscar news from his twitter feed and i smiled at the thought of him skipping the after-parties to hang out with king-of-the-geeks john hodgman.

'Lucy'. on radiolab. i've listened 3 times. and cried each time. can't recommend this enough. very provocative.

House on Loon Lake from This American Life. take the phone off the hook. pour some tea. put your feet up. enjoy.

Padraig's poetry website. brilliant. of course.

Robert Wright on Speaking of Faith.

some people came earlier, others will turn up later, but everyone's invited...

right, time to get ready and show my partner in crime the town.

p.s. here's the ring for those gals who'd been asking for a pic...

things i'm liking

2010-03-03T13:01:00.000Z

i'm becoming more in love with Vimeo by the day. The Sandpit was a favourite of the past week. i often find the world is a much more balanced place seen through their lens than via the news. same goes for Astronomy Cast. i love falling asleep to this podcast. (especially as i've been avoiding the film talk due to spoiler warnings on several films.) the astronomy cast conversations have a lovely tone to them. it's full of awe and mystery and mindbending ideas. this show is ideally suited and (in some sense made) for folks with limited astronomy knowledge and is always pretty entertaining.

i'm also growing to love the respectful troll free conversations going on at Ta-nehisi Coates' blog at The Atlantic. (warning: contains very 'adult' humour and language this week.) and the Olympics. oh Canada. you did well. and i really want a pair of those red maple leaf on the palm mittens. the boston globe big picture, which i also love, has some amazing photos from the games.

these things been increasingly valuable to me these past couple of weeks in which i've been battling anxiety that keeps creeping up on me and whacking me on the back of the head.
i knew i'd have to work very hard some days to feel calm while living long distance from my partner and with a wait of unknown duration and bureaucratic process to go through to be with him. it was probably hormonal but this past week has been challenging in that regard.
i'm not living in gmt at the moment. i typically only go to sleep 3 hours before Joel does, yet he's living 6 timezones behind me. that's not good. doesn't help me feel like i'm living in one place and encourages my sense of dislocation. so we're working on making some adjustments so i get to sleep earlier.

it's March. i count the 1st as the first day of spring. and right on cue the sun was warming my windows so much that the air feels warmer as one nears the glass than colder.

the gorgeous soundtrack to The Sandpit was created by a "music and sound initiative" called Human. in trying to find out more about the track, which i haven't yet, i found this great short film called Zach (you'll see it in a selection of films at that link).
putting the men into menarche*, it's a quietly quirky and provocative exploration of pubescent experience and gender.

*my favourite bit of word play this week.

there's a new venture called Mapping Our Rights here. worth checking out if you're in the US and concerned about reproductive justice and/or LGBT equality. you can see how your state fairs.

something i'm sorry i'm missing: iain archer is heading to Nashville next week for the Belfast-Nashville Songwriters' festival. details here.

right, have a very important paper for school to be completed today. roll on Saturday and a week of wall-to-wall surround sound technicolour 3D dr-of-darkness immersion. but enjoying today for it's own sake. right here. right now.

here's some nice musical accompaniment to the day.

LB

spiritual warfare

2010-02-17T10:52:00.001Z

came across an article on a movie (Legion) i hadn't heard about. not that i have any desire to actaully go see it but i'm hoping the film talk boys review this. should make for an entertaining discussion. but it's the title of the article that did it for me. brilliant.

(if you actually go read it, note: it contains 'adult' language from the start.)

Mauled by an Angel: Why Do Americans Need “God’s Secret Agents”? | Media/Culture | ReligionDispatches

for you, Valentine...

2010-02-14T11:19:00.001Z

Maius Intra Qua Extra

~)

LB

compassion in action

2010-02-11T11:33:00.000Z

an important update...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

the appropriate links are:

Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe: CRST 2010 Disaster Relief

Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe Storm Relief - Emergency Assistance
they are continuing to take cash donations and also will accept non-cash gifts such as warm clothing and non-perishables. details on the site.

Native American Heritage Association

“I know there are hard economic times across the country and those who are able continue to respond with prayers, money and muscle to help our neighbors in Haiti. I find myself in the humble position of appealing for your support in our time of emergency. I would not ask you for assistance unless I was confident we are doing all we can. We are.”

-- Tribal Chairman Joseph Brings Plenty, Cheyenne River Sioux, Eagle Butte, South Dakota, 01 February 2010 (Tribal leaders declared a state of emergency on 27 January.)

hope n change

2010-02-10T19:31:00.002Z

"How's that hopey, changey stuff workin' out for ya?"

- Sarah Palin, Saturday 6 February 2010, Nashville TN

A political attack this may be, but on a broader level, fewer words strike me as more cynical. Who would choose to speak out with such snide disparagement against hope and change? To mock hope is to do violence to the human soul. I didn't think anything at the tea party convention in Nashville could be more offensive than Tom Tancredo's speech on Friday night and yet i've been wondering if I was wrong. A different kind of offense, but offense nonetheless.
This strikes me as cynicism one needs to resist beyond mere party politics. But not with aggression or yet more cynicism. Rather, mindful of the very tradition out of which that campaign of hope and change came. That tradition is the very civil rights movement that worked to challenge and overturn the injustice of the Jim Crow days to which Tancredo and the tea party audience who gathered in Nashville would apparently like to return.
On Sunday night I watched the behind-the-scenes HBO documentary, By the People: The Election of Barack Obama simply to be reminded of the specific hope and change Palin was attacking and the ongoing legacy of the civil rights movement that brought so many people out to vote in November '08.

Seeking a broader sense of resistance to cynicism I finally got around to reading The Charter for Compassion, started by Karen Armstrong and launched last November. I reflected on it, affirmed it and share it here. It's available in English, Spanish, Hebrew and Arabic:

or hear it in English:

::

If you're looking for some really reasoned and reasonable conversation between people with opposing ideas on contemporary issues, you'd do a lot worse than checking out fora.tv. there's a range of podcasts to choose from and I'm currently really enjoying the "audio of the week" podcast. The level of conversation is amazing on some of them. There's a commitment to explore the range of opinions on any given topic and to try and get the conversations to a place beyond discursive warfare.

::

The feminist I

This desiring for voices of hopefulness comes in a week in which I've been resisting and wrestling the tension that exists in some of the work I'm doing - having to accept that I won't be able to reconcile the text I'm working on. Which is what makes the text so interesting - that very tension makes it a site of energy. But I have found that intellectual exploration an emotional experience.

Part of feminist academic principles is that one rejects the idea of an assumed academic, scientific or social objectivity. One has to expose one's subjectivity, place oneself at the heart of any debate and reveal rather than conceal bias or privilege - the impact of the self on research and enquiry. This reflexive act, known as the 'feminist I", is to be put on the page, sometimes explicitly, other times implicitly. Rather than pretending one is writing about the world as it is, one must acknowledge one is writing about the world as one finds it from where one stands, limited by a subjective perspective and a range of privileges.
But this feminist "I" has another function. It speaks to the tradition of the personal as political. It links the self and experience to any given issue, requiring us to see ourselves in the work and be open to transformation - to acknowledge that one's ideas transform and change as one learns and writes. If feminist work is meant to seek liberation, then that starts with the personal - with the I. With me.
And there's a third. This concept of the I pushes us to write about our passions. To work on themes and issues that we care about, that link with our own narrative, or indeed to find the link. One is consistently being pulled back from the abstract. (This also of course requires the balance of that reflexive observance in that first function.)
If one is going to have to write oneself into the text, one might as well write about something one connects with, feels affected by, wants to see progress or change in. All of this makes the theory real. It injects energy and emotion as one attempts to bring the whole self to the page.

It's not only liberating, but challenging. One can't hide behind some 'intellectual' voice of reason. One must research and write from the self. For all the energy it can inject into one's writing, it is also requires one to really engage with other texts. To stand inside one's reasoning and really own it.

As I engage with a text I know I will not be able to reconcile to itself, or to myself, I must accept the tension as well as the energy. To write with hope is to be mindful of history. History tells us that things have changed. This means they can and will change again. If meanings, culture and identity are unstable, then there is always the possibility of transformation for the better. There is a real artistic spirit to this... just as the artist stands before a canvas or block of clay or in an empty space and has to embrace not knowing what one wants to create (even if only for a moment), here too in an academic context, embracing instablity, insecurity, ambiguity, complexity and vulnerability one can find new paths of creativity and insight - and hope.

The is a relief in not knowing and not having answers if one is open to the insecurity of it. Suddenly, instead of one elusive answer, there are limitless possibilities for transformation.

::

A humanitarian emergency in need of urgent attention

For information on the crisis on the the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe Reservation in South Dakota see this video from Olbermann. Props to him for saying something...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Donations to the relief effort can be made by clicking here on the razoo page mentioned in the video above. i can't speak to facebook or twitter but those who use them might be able to spread the word there too or via good ol' fashioned email.

::

That hopey, changey stuff? I don't think we have a choice. I believe it's what we're called to by virtue of being human and thus being interdependent.

LB

things fall apart... mere anarchy is loosed

2010-02-07T16:03:00.000Z

**spoiler warning** if you've not read V for Vendetta and don't want a _major_ spoiler, look away now and don't read the rest of this post...

so. i got the green light of encouragement to pursue my key area of interest at school this semester and over the summer. a meeting with my supervisor the other day went brilliantly and i came home armed with a big pile of books to get started on shaping my bibliography. for the next six or seven months across a series of papers, including my thesis, much of my time is going to be spent exploring some of the following themes and/or others:

psychoanalytic feminism -- feminist literary and art criticisms -- the gendered identity of political ideology -- queer voices as agents of change -- gender masks -- theatricality and camp -- anarchy vs fascism -- sadomasochism -- gender as performance -- violence as gendered performance -- love -- torture -- redemption -- gender transformation -- the rejection of the gendered self -- feminist ethics about violence -- etc.

right now that's a vast mixed bag, which will progressively get narrower and more particular. but the thrilling bit for me is this: as a site for looking at these issues, i'm going to be immersed in the world of comics and very specifically writing about what we might be experiencing as a young woman called Evey Hammond,

is transformed into this:

Joel is (not surprisingly, for those who know him) rather thrilled that his gal is reading comics for school. He found this 1983 article by Alan Moore for me: Invisible Girls and Phantom Ladies: Sexism in Comics. (click on the pics at that link to open up readable pdf versions of each page) Makes for fascinating reading. And by fascinating I mean as outspoken and ambivalent and problematic as V.

rubs her geeky hands gleefully...

bring it.

in a lopsided world...

2010-02-05T17:34:00.000Z

If The Vagina Monologues encourages women to connect to and celebrate their sexuality, desire and physicality then Eve Ensler has shifted her focus with her latest work, I am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World, to exploring the emotional self and being called into one's power and pleasure through the voices of teenage girls she has met. I'm looking forward to getting my mitts on the full text.

Joel was recommended this week's NPR On Point with Tom Ashbrook interview with Eve and promptly brought it to my attention. It's a great piece of radio and unsurprisingly caused a lot of listener reaction. You can hear the interview here and the 2 featured monologues she performed for the show are posted as separate audio files here.

Yesterday I encountered the work of NZ feminist author and women's human rights activist Marilyn Waring in the Canadian film, Who's Counting? Marilyn Waring on Sex, Lies and Global Economics. you can watch it here. There are several points of connection between her thesis and Ensler's.
There is a edited-for-radio audio-only version of this 1995 documentary here. i recommend the full-length film version if you can make the time. Still shockingly pertinent 15 years on. She has a commitment to only using comprehensible language when exploring economics and exposes the problem of work that is considered "women's work" is also considered unimportant and unproductive to a economy. She explores the value in measuring 'time use' and the environmental impact of global economic principles based purely on 'growth'.

Deeply grateful for both these women.

LB

nature goes wild, human wastes half an hour

2010-02-04T10:52:00.001Z

i think this Tumbleweed Invasion is my favourite mental health break ever on the Dish. a delight to watch and hear. highly recommended.

a spot of browsing of related videos as i drank my morning coffee then produced this Australian tumbleweed tornado and that led to crazy footage in a storm and then a cruise ship got caught in a cyclone. hold on to your breakfast. seriously.
the nausea was slightly tempered by the stream of associative google ads. here's a grab of the *ahem* pitch. sorry. couldn't resist the pun. sorry.

(passenger video footage from inside the ship here)

oh, while i'm here. Brook - you wanted to know what "film talk 104" was awhiles back. apologies for belated answer. see right hand side bar - blogs i'm following - there's a link to the film talk. or click here. "104" referred to the 104th episode. available to live stream on the blog or as a free podcast on itunes. it's good stuff.

LB

"when the book's wrong..."

2010-02-03T12:07:00.000Z

thanks to Shirley for highlighting this post over at Paul Cornell's blog on being out of the closet as a liberal British Christian against homophobia and one who feels his voice is lost amid the clamour in the media over the equality bill vote in the House of Lords. impassioned stuff this. he's started a twitter hashtag - #godlyforequality
it's currently spreading the tweet:

I'm a religious person, and I'm *for* LGBT rights. RT if you are too. Many of us. No voice.

if that's you, and you're the twittering type, you might wanna join in.

::

on not entirely unrelated matters, there's a superb piece critiquing the "definitional argument" against marriage equality at the Independent Gay Forum. (hat tip to The Dish.)
i'm meeting with my lecturers today to discuss the papers i'm going to write this semester. in one i'm probably going to explore what is termed the "intersection" between masculinities* and homosexuality, particularly in popular culture and media in the past year in the US. this piece has gone ~~straight~~ directly into my research file.

*(i'm doing Women's Studies and i took an elective last semester on the Equality programme on Masculinities, which, i confess, before i went back to school i didn't even know was a subject. but it is. and a fascinating and provocative one. and one heavily influenced by feminist theory. and was an opportunity to be in a classroom with men in it. i'm sure i lose some feminist stripes for saying that. RIP Mary Daly.)

::

while i'm here, i'll also flag Channel 4's new series, The Bible: A History. (this follows their series, Christianity: A History. <-- that's still available in its entirety to viewers in Britian and Ireland.)
i really enjoyed Howard Jacobson's first episode exploration of Creation in Genesis as he looks for a path between creation literalism and new atheism. you'll find it at the link above.

this series, like the previous one, is looking like it'll have the ability to fascinate and frustrate in equal measure and in moments leave one feeling a bit like Paul Cornell if one holds to a non-literal form of religious belief. but this episode on Creation was one of my favourites so far. possibly because it's less uncomfortable than others, (including Jacobson's episode in Christianity: A History series about Jesus the Jew, which explores the history of Christianity and anti-semitism, and which left me feeling more than a little troubled on a number of fronts). or, i have to admit, maybe because as an author Jacobson reads the Bible as literature and myth this just confirms my own beliefs or readings. we're always looking for someone to confirm our own bias. he's looking for a way to release the poetry of the creation story from absolutes of belief and doubt. ("The creation myth and science are on entirely different errands.")
and i guess i am just glad that there's increasingly more of this stuff out there exploring a third path between theism and atheism in the public square. well worth your time if you're on this side of the pond and into that kind of thing.

right, must get in gear,

LB

quick update

2010-02-02T18:57:00.002Z

quick note to say all is good.

i have been distracted since i got back. hence lack of posts. January and the return to Dublin brought with it a new school term, adjusting to a totally different timetable and new classes that i am so far loving and getting my teeth into.

it also brought the first stage of the visa application. my bit of that is now done and with a massive piece of work for TSU out of the way, (well done, Dr! i'm very proud of you) Joel is going to compile my stuff and his and get it all submitted very soon. and then we wait. it'll be months of wait so please don't come asking. as soon as i know something i'll say. until then, i want to put it out of my mind and the only deadlines i'm going to think about are Joel's spring visit, his summer months here with me (dear Lord, how heavenly that will be. weeks of sharing space and the same timezone) and various academic dates, most notably the 19th august - my MA thesis deadline.

so for now, all other bridges and procedures for crossing them can wait til they happen. right now i am working very hard on living in the present. i don't want to lose this year to constant thoughts about the future and all that lies ahead. it's far too stressful dealing with unknowns. so for now, joel and i are focussing on being the best partners we can possibly be to one another despite the miles between us and enjoying each day being as together as we can possibly be. and most days i think we are doing a pretty good job of holding it together and loving one another really well out of our best selves.

i found the second half of January an emotional couple of weeks. the amazingness of the holidays with family and friends, the joy of our engagement, the mutual longing that comes with long distance and the sheer immensity of what it means to be emigrating for the second time in my life finally caught up with me. it brought up a lot of feelings i didn't realise were sitting there needing to be felt. last week saw me frequently getting teary at random and not so random moments. but i've breathed through it and had no meltdowns. instead i just put the brakes on and have been taking one day at time as i've tried to let a lot of mixed emotions bubble up to the surface and be released as needed.
i took a weekend break up to see Jayne and caught up with Pád, Beth, Mark and Sara too. it was lovely to curl up on the sofa and feel the comfort of friendship. Jayne and i had lots of lovely chat, ate lots of yummy biscuits under blankets and watched Where The Wild Things Are. i loved it. and Pád gave me a dvd box set of Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys shows from the '70s. we watched a couple of episodes of that too. big hair. very. big hair.

tonight, for only the second time since i got back from the US, the water pressure in this corner of Dublin isn't being reduced overnight. hurrah. thanks to the ongoing repairs to the broken and strained water system, i'm now very used to being without running water between 7pm and 11am and it looks set to continue for weeks if not months. one's daily ability to flush the loo, run taps and shower, launder clothes is currently controlled by the dramatic sounding but actually mundane DLR emergency updates blog link over there (--->) on the right hand side bar. so for once i'm going to ignore the requests to conserve water and enjoy the chance for a long deep soak in the tub.

with visa documents sent off i can shift firmly into school work mode. there is a lot to read and write. but my grades so far are giving me confidence that i can do this and i'm aiming to write papers i will enjoy writing wherever possible. i meet with my head of department tomorrow to talk through my pre-Christmas papers and look ahead to the themes for the next lots of papers due in this spring and also my thesis. more on what i plan for the latter to follow once i've had that meeting. so far the department has been pretty receptive and if i get the green light tomorrow to start preparing a proposal on my theme of choice, then this summer will be spent not only in the company of my beloved but researching and writing about... well, you'll just have to wait and see. i don't want to be pre-emptive. by which i mean, jinx it. but as theses go, this is pretty cool stuff. as it's an MA thesis, i'm not going to be able to publish it but it will hopefully be a good grounding for a range of possible avenues i may go down once the course is complete. all of which are creative and potentially very fun. joel is excited as my proposed theme is totally up his alley too. [nope. not Dr Who. :)] so, more on that very soon.

right, where was i? oh, yes. a tub of bubbles is calling. and then i am having fish fingers and beans and chips. because you're never too old to have one of your favourites for tea.

be well.

LB

p.s. sorry to anyone waiting on emails. i'm still ploughing through a backlog.
p.p.s for those wanting photos of my engagement ring, it's coming to dublin with Joel in March (we hope). pics will follow then.

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2010-01-17T22:35:00.000Z

last week's ikon - Binary - an online gathering crashed due to user demand. a successful act of failure. the content is now available to read, watch and listen to online. there's wonderful stuff on there. much of it i want to revisit. you can find it here. and jonny baker has a trick for those who want to bypass the registration that comes midway, here. enjoy.

and remember,

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LB

translocal

2010-01-17T18:56:00.000Z

what a difference 14 hours of sleep makes. a lovely brisk walk with my dad around the park in winter sunshine also helped. of course, adjusting back to GMT brings with it a clearer mental state and i now realise i am missing Joel in a way i couldn't yesterday such was my general state of blurriness.
hope this still new year is treating you well and if it's less than good, then i hope you are getting what you need. if you are one of the many people i haven't replied to, i am getting there.

::

this post started several days ago i've been seeing some of the horrific pictures coming out of Haiti and listening to coverage on NPR and it's been hard to stay in a place of not so much gratitude as... well, perspective i guess. my life feels very blessed right now and yet when faced with images of such incredible tragedy and suffering it is difficult not to feel like one is merely revelling in one's joy while others weep. reality so often sobers. and yet we must celebrate. we must.

two things come to mind. first, if i left behind many years back my nightly childhood prayer, 'As I lay me down to sleep...' I still return to this one on occasions at the table with friends:

Some hae meat and canna eat
And some wod eat that want it
But we hae meat
And we can eat
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

i'm also reminded of one of my favourite lines from the US version of QAF. As crowds pour out of the bars and into the streets to celebrate Pride, Emmet is consoled in grief for the death of a friend by a line from Debbie,

Mourn the losses for they are many. But celebrate the victories, because they are few.
And then they dance.

So much of this living is holding together that tension of death and life... of mourning and celebrating... grieving and gratitude... regret and hope...and so i find myself both sobered and mindful and yet still so grateful that i am surrounded by many good people and circumstance in these days.

May we pray. and give. and give again. And as Sullivan says so often and which gives me strength when i feel myself falter,
Know hope.

::

jude smithey rightly reminded me that i had forgotten to include gail and beth in our transatlantic couples list, and indeed i also forgot my dear brother and sister-in-law who represent GB/Irl and Canada.

::

which is a nice segue to some photos from Toronto in the first week of the year...

answers to questions in the next post...

LB

official announcement

2010-01-16T12:50:00.000Z

so. i'm back in dublin. arrived in this morning. feeling that slightly dizzy jet lagged feeling that comes with one's body and soul being six hours behind. trying to heat up the flat and also get things done that require water. the recent icy weather froze a load of water mains which then burst and so i've come back to learn we are only getting water a limited number of hours in the day. i understand we are the lucky ones in that we are getting at least some.
and as i said to my step mother, we could be in Haiti. and we're not. so we can't complain.

a big posting has been in the works for several days. it will follow sometime over the weekend, possibly in serveral parts. until then, this week's news from the nest is:

Joel Dark and i got ourselves engaged on Tuesday.

this will answer a question posted by Brook a couple of days back. all other questions will be answered later along with photos of Toronto and musings on this and that.

to all who have emailed in the last few days - i'm working my way back through them and will be responding. in the meantime, thanks for all the love being sent our way.

off to wash

LB

brief holiday recap

2010-01-12T16:28:00.000Z

lots to catch up. don't know where to begin. sitting here with a cuppa, listening to the film talk 104, joel has gone to work and i'm not alone in trying to not think about the fact that i leave for dublin on friday. between me and my return here in what we hope will be no later than October lies the rest of my MA and a visa application and spring and summer breaks in Dublin for Joel. but that can all wait for later.

for now, short version: this has been the best holiday season e.v.e.r.

slightly longer version: this has been the best holiday season e.v.e.r. with Christmas Day with the darks, levitts, wileys and masons; a trip to the science museum with the dark and wiley kids; New Year's eve with friends and then sitting on the roof with Joel watching fireworks bursting over downtown Nashville at midnight; and new year's day saw us fly to Toronto for an awesome snowy 5 night stay with Ewan and family. 2010 back in nashville began with Joel getting an unexpected 2 days off work thanks to the big chill, a broken furnace and thus no heating on one the coldest nights of the year and that became one of the warmest thanks to the company of Geoff Little and Julie by the fire and surrounded by donated space heaters.

reports and photos from Toronto to follow later in the week (i stupidly forgot to pack a camera so ewan is sending some from his) but for now here's some faves. thanks to geoff and kari for sharing some of theirs, which follow after mine...

more of Christmas day from Geoff:

and finally from kari. here's the 6 US-UK/IRL couples on the 31st. missing are Gareth & Erin, Steve & Lisa, Lee & Jude, and not forgetting Geoff and Gosia representing US/Poland. we're a well travelled lot.

right, i'm off to meet Ann for coffee at Bongo. better run.

this place feels like home.

be well,
LB

update

2009-12-24T17:22:00.000Z

(albeit a brief and partial one) is here.

LB

new nest for this Little Bird

2009-12-08T11:15:00.000Z

hey friends.

i've started up an alternative nest for the site.
some of the formatting of posts is a little messy as a result of transferring the data, i'm very much still testing out all the widgets and getting orientated, but i'll try posting from there and making custom changes over the next month or so and then see if i want the move to be permanent.

so, for the timebeing my new nest is at http://leftofnarnia.wordpress.com

if anyone else uses wordpress and wants to advise, especially on the multiple Pages, drop me a note.

looking forward to seeing you over there.

be well, and keep in touch.

LB

under the pink

2009-12-07T12:45:00.004Z

or, suffer the little (girl) children...

(in 1918) the Ladies' Home Journal wrote: "There has been a great diversity of opinion on the subject, but the generally accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. The reason is that pink being a more decided and stronger colour is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl."

- Ben Goldacre, Out of the blue and pink in the Guardian

fast forward to 2009 and there's a pink car accessories aisle in Halfords. seriously. (cue loud gagging)

somedays it's hard not to think the world has gone completely mad.

this article on feminist books for kids has provoked some heated opinionating over at The Guardian. amongst the almost two hundred comments, i discovered a reference to PinkStinks - a website devoted in part to battling the ubiquitous pink trend in products for girls...

can you spot the difference between then and now...?

(i'm so loving that 70s lego ad. this display however, makes me want to go lie down in a darkened room...)

in an act of masochistic curiosity, i searched and found this is (apparently independent) review of the Monopoly game on the top shelf:

Today’s games for girls post is about another Hasbro product – Monopoly Pink Boutique. It’s the classic Monopoly board game with a girlish twist. Instead of buying properties like Boardwalk and Park Place, players buy malls, hair salons, spas and fashion boutiques (like Jillian’s Jewelry Store and Savannah’s Super Spa) , go shopping, pay cell phone bills, and instead of Chance and Community Chest cards, players pick Text Message cards and Instant Message cards. Even the money, dice and property cards are pink!

Monopoly Pink Boutique comes in a pink case that looks like a jewelry box. Even the game pieces are girly. Houses and hotels have been replaced with pink and purple malls and boutiques, and tokens include sunglasses, a hairdryer, flip flops, a cell phone, a skateboard, a soccer ball, a purse and a dog. The tokens can even be worn as charms on a bracelet.

Monopoly Pink Boutique is intended for ages 8 and up and retails for $29.99 from Toys ‘R Us. Looks like a great, educational game for tween* girls!

(from Play Library)

yes. that's right. they said educational.

speaking of definitions, dictionary.com tells me a tween is a youngster between 10 and 12 years of age, considered too old to be a child and too young to be a teenager. (needless to say, those are my italics and i kind of wish i hadn't bothered to discover what the word actually meant)

don't get me wrong. i like pink. in appropriately small doses. but if, like me, all this leaves you feeling decidely nauseous, you might consider making some Pepto Bismol ice-cream with this recipe from Make: Magazine

::

thankfully not all 10 year old girls are as gullible as some adults...

Dorothy sent this superbly hideous online ad to Joel. Joel sent it to me.
bump your bangs! with Bumpits.
they both want it filed under, "Ridiculous!"
folks, i see your hairific find and as i praise you for your astute judgment, i raise you this:
Baby Bangs!

::

these, however, gets my thumbs up:

for books of every kind, for both adults and children, i've been loving dipping into the best of 2009 over the New York Times.

and Megan McArdle at the Atlantic has put together her holiday gift guide: kitchen edition. McArdle bases her annual list on stuff she uses in her own kitchen and the list ends with products she thought would be good but turned out not to be.

here's a bit of musical therapy before getting back to work.

LB

who will speak up for love and justice if not us...?

2009-12-03T18:28:00.003Z

For the past several days, myself and Joel have been discussing the truly disturbing, "Anti-Homosexual Bill" on the table in Uganda and how best to communicate with those who might bear influence to block it. of what we might each want to say in any such communication we try and make to them.

it is easy to feel hopeless when one hears little more from Christian leaders than weak evasions that avoid taking an actual stand against legislation that would be rightly described as fascist, or an avoidance of voicing principled support for basic human rights.
this is not a controversial issue. there should be no thinking through what the response of Christians should be when faced with this level of civil oppression. but it is seen as controversial. as if there is more than one reasonable response to this kind of law.

i hope more denominations follow the path of the United Reformed Church in standing up unequivocally for what is right, and just and good.
i hope, and pray that a strong collective, ecumenical chorus will rise up on this issue and show its support for the human rights of those in Uganda and Rwanda.

will that happen? i fear not.

i continue to be deeply troubled by the scapegoating being made of LGBT community in the name of Christianity, much of which claims these days to be against homophobia but fails to be in active support of love and would deny one group of people the experience and gift of loving partnership. instead, encouraging life long celibacy as the way of discipleship even while acknowledging same sex attraction may never be "overcome". as if this 'lifestyle' was a disease or an addiction and such celibacy an act of faithful sobriety. i consider it a horrible exercise of heterosexual privilege to claim that one person's love can be fully and mutually expressed and another's cannot. that God will bless one but not the other.
as Keith Olbermann said a year ago after Prop 8 in California, "What is it to you?"
but i don't want the situation in Uganda and Rwanda to be about criticizing Christians who do not support everyone as equal, as whole. instead along with my hope that people will choose the side of justice, i want it to be about what it is we can be for... and i am certainly for this:

marriage equality didn't make it through the senate in New York state yesterday. however disappointing yet another defeat for equality may be, this speech made before the vote by New York State Sentator Diane Savino, who i'll confess i'd not been aware of before today, is incredibly powerful. it is in support of love and commitment. i somehow believe the arc is bending toward justice and these words of Savino's, like Olbermann's, will stand the test of time...

LB

hyper-real

2009-11-29T21:58:00.005Z

the face of the day on the daily dish today was from this great photo-feature on 6 artists working in fantastic photorealistic/ hyper-realistic sculpture. some of these pieces are deeply... freaky. i love it.

i quite possibly shared some of these images from the contemporary art floors of Denver's DAM in October '08. they have some great sculpture, including hyper-realistic, not all of which could be photographed, including a Ron Mueck head sculpture if memory serves...

more sculpture photos after the jump note: there's one sculpture of a boy some folks may be uncomfortable with, (involves nudity).

creepy tales

2009-11-29T12:40:00.000Z

darkness of a whole different kind...

Joel recently found himself driving alone with an almost empty tank, close to lost, in the middle of the night, on the back roads of the wonderfully appropriate Barren County, Kentucky. no wonder then that he tried to dissuade me from listening to The Old Road, the final episode in series 2 of The Man in Black on bbc radio 7. as he no doubt knew i would, i ignored him. and i'm glad. this is radio drama at its best.
also worth hearing is Angel in Disguise and the particularly gruesome, Flesh.
it's all a superb take on the tradition of the classic, "spooky story" in contemporary settings... you know the inevitability of what's coming and yet it doesn't spoil the listening... one can't help but grin...

the tradition of scaring ourselves around campfires and by torchlight with stories of strange happenings and things that go bump and growl in the night are our way of dealing with our fears and the real darkness we face... a curious form of entertainment and yet somehow telling creepy tales pushes back the world and those real fears... as host Mark Gatiss would likely concur, there is comfort in knowing after all, that it's only a story...

isn't it?

LB

what is coming...

2009-11-29T11:59:00.000Z

it's the first Sunday in Advent.
it seems strange to be marking the beginning of the season of light incoming when the news is filled with so much dark talk of the child abuse history of the Catholic Church in Dublin.

Which drew me to turn, as I have done before, to these words of Buechner,

"Give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness, and put upon us the armor of light, now in the time of this mortal life in which thy son Jesus Christ came to visit us in great humility: that in the last day, when he shall come again in his glorious majesty, to judge both the quick and the dead, we may rise to the life immortal."
All the paradoxical themes of Advent are compressed into that handful of words: Christ coming at Christmas time in great humility and again at the end of time in glorious majesty - Christ coming as a child to save us and as a king to judge us - mortal life, immortal life. They clatter against each other like shutters in the wind with all their points and counterpoints. They all but deafen us with their message at one and the same time of sin and grace, justice and mercy, comfort and challenge. "Cast away the works of darkness," they say, and put on "the armor of light." Maybe those are the words that best sum up the paradox of who we are and where we are. Somewhere between the darkness and the light. That is where we are as Christians. And not just at Advent time, but at all times. Somewhere between the fact of darkness and the hope of light. That is who we are.
"Advent" means "coming" of course, and the promise of Advent is that what is coming is an unimaginable invasion. The mythology of our age has to do with flying saucers and invasions from outer space, and that is unimaginable enough. But what is upon us now is even more so - a close encounter not of the thrid kind but of a different kind altogether. An invasion of holiness. That is what Advent is about.
What is coming upon the world is the Light of the World. It is Christ. That is the comfort of it. The challenge of it is that it has not come yet. Only the hope for it has to come, only the longing for it. In the meantime we are in the dark, and the dark, God knows, is also in us. We watch and wait for a holiness to heal us and hallow us, to liberate us from the dark. Advent is like the hush in a theater just before the curtain rises. It is like the hazy ring around the winter moon that means the coming of snow which will turn the night to silver. Soon. But for the time being, our time, darkness is where we are.

- Frederick Buechner, The Clown in the Belfry, San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1992

and so it is that we wait.

LB

film reels and umbilical cords

2009-11-24T12:26:00.001Z

two birth congratulations are in order...

the first is still underway and has had a long gestation...
dunno if it's my computer, my server, or a glitch on blogger but several attempts to send good wishes to Mike and Rose Riddell over at The Interminable Moon have failed so i'm doing it here instead.

Gareth posted an update on the film version of Mike's novel, The Insatiable Moon over at The Film Talk dot com and Mike is posting regular updates from the set on his blog.

that these folks have stuck it out this far and this long is a testament to their determination, hope and creative tenacity. where others would have lost hope, they didn't. for that they have my respect. Mike and Rose are as downright lovely folks as one could ever hope to meet. and that makes being pleased for them all the more lovely.
i reckon the chances that there's another judge (as in the makes-sure-you-are-presumed-innocent-until-proven-guilty kind, not the can-make-you-an-overnight-star-on-the-X-factor kind) turned film director out there is pretty slim. when it comes to female judges turned film directors... well, i've got to guess Rose is a first.

you can follow their progress on facebook and on twitter and even donate a little to the production of the film here.

well done and love to them both and their crew.

::

big love also to dear Aaron, Autumn and Tyler on the safe and healthy arrival of Jackson on Sunday. very proud of you. especially Autumn, for delivering an eye-watering 9lbs2 worth of baby.

right, back to my essays...

"Cut!"

LB

Post-script:
wanted to highlight a worthy cause for those in the US: there's only a couple of days left, but you can still support HFASS in Denver's Operation Turkey Sandwich here. it'll ease your conscience when you find yourself lying bloated on the sofa on Thursday after eating your own body weight in pumpkin pie.

no news is good news

2009-11-23T20:43:00.000Z

i've got my head stuck in a paper right now so there's not much to report. my days are currently split between ploughing through texts on the second wave sex war, trying to think of something intelligent to say about same and skyping with the Dr of Darkness. but all is good. actually, it's all great. Christmas holidays start 3 weeks tomorrow. can't wait. but for now i need the days to slow a little.

3 things:

1) apologies to those i owe mails to. the list is steadily growing. i'll try and catch up this week.

2) Thanksgiving greetings to all in the US of Stateside. safe journey to all who are travelling this week and a happy time to all. for what it's worth, i still believe you're an exceptional country.

3) congratulations to Shirley on becoming an auntie today. nice one. :)

oh, one more:
4) i'll be up North on the 5th/6th. hope to catch up with folks then. note to self: remember to collect Christmas decorations from the Fry's. note to Joel: get a tree.

LB

Havelocity

2009-11-16T16:47:00.000Z

new week. new post.

this past week has had some emotionally rocky moments, mostly thanks to this next month being an intense one with a lot of work needed for school. a LOT. it's been hard not to feel overwhelmed. firefox has been plagued by the rainbow wheel of death and i got frustrated with myself for feeling anything other than complete joy.
the deadline of 14 december is swiftly followed by a totally different kind of month. i'd love to jump ahead and already be enjoying time in the US and Canada with Joel and family. but there's much to do and i have to pull myself back to the present. but holiday plans are already well underway and it's shaping up to be nothing short of magical.

for as much as i have a policy of, "This is our present reality and i want to consider not the glass half full, let alone half empty, but brimming over with goodness even while being 3905 miles from my soul mate and he from his", distance is always an amplifier and one's anxieties know that they have an opportunity to rattle the cage a bit louder. i guess this week they decided to clang on the bars and see what they could get away with...
on those days when life seems more challenging than others and one knows that a strong hug shared would be enough to make troubles melt like lemon drops, one has to contend with not being able to experience that contact. and thus distance (dis)embodied risks becoming its own stressor.
but i'm so thankful for Skype and for the gift of someone so committed to transcending and subverting the virtualness of our current reality with constancy and imagination. of surprising my monsters with the very thing they least expect, leaving them to skulk off befuddled and confused and wondering why their stratagems don't seem to be working.
as Michael Banks said to his sister Jane of Mary Poppins, "Better keep an eye on this one. [s]he's tricky." i am being truly blessed as i am deeply loved.

so. new week. new post. new energy.

here's a mixed bag of stuff to start off the week and then i'm going to knuckle down, knowing that once i start, this isn't going to stop 'til i hand in my work.

::

this one's for my beloved, aka, "the person least likely to ever join Facebook, MySpace and Twitter" - a little bit of amusement from Step-hen Free. i'm pretty sure Joel hasn't seen this, because if he had he would have almost certainly sent it to me.

glad to learn Step-hen shares my love of the Sharpie. the king of marker pens.

::

congratulations to The Film Talk for reaching 100 episodes. please consider supporting The Film Talk with a donation of $3 a month. if they can't make it pay for itself, then they close up shop at the end of the year. and that would be a shame. there's a special offer for US based listeners this week to tempt you.

::

this past weekend Willow made two trips to dublin. one to stay over with me and much great chat ensued. she then headed back to Belfast and made a well-worth-hearing contribution to Sunday Sequence in a discussion about For The Bible Tells Me So which gets a special free showing in Belfast this week. then she and Jonny drove down to meet up Rachel and Karen from Minnesota who were on a brief visit. Rachel and i have crossed paths online and so it was wonderful to join them for lunch and have conversation in person. they are good people.

::

a quote from Joel i woke to this morning, which means a lot...

Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

- Vaclav Havel

okay. let this month of busyness begin. with Hope.

LB

tattoo advice

2009-11-05T11:55:00.001Z

okay. i was gonna to reply to Paul's recent query in the comment box, but i realise there's too much to say. so here's my list of tattoo rules.

assume from this, that i'm not interested if you want to have Tweety Pie tattooed on your hip. unless of course you have developed a philosophy of Tweety Pie that guides your life. you have every right to do want you want. after all, it's your body and your money. but i'm not interested. i see tattoos as wearing your heart on your sleeve. and it's an art form.
so, this set of rules are very much my rules and reflect my personality.

PICKING A DESIGN
1. there is something in you you want to express. it's inside you. something you want to be reminded of each time you see it. i imagine it floating up to the surface and the artist tracing over it.
2. don't get a design to express something for someone else. express you and you only.
3. design it, print it out on a computer or draw it and then pin it somewhere and then wait for at least 3 months, if not 6. if your conviction holds, go for it. but you might want to change it. don't tattoo a temporary idea. because the tattoo is not temporary. this time also allows you to save up to pay for the best work you can afford.
4. research research research. scavenge for ideas everywhere. be creative and imaginative.
5. if you are worried that you might not think, feel, believe the same way in the future, that the tattoo will be out of date or become irrelevant, then think about whether rather than regretting it, this will mark out an important place or time in your life, that it will act as a reminder of who you have been, where you have come from and the journey you are on. will the meaning of the tattoo be one that can adapt over time as you reflect on it? (that's a lot of expectation to put on Tweety Pie. ;) )

CHOOSING THE TATTOOIST.
1. research, research, research. any decent tattoo studio will have their portfolio and an artist bio on the web. note: not all tattoists are artists. look at each artist's style. are they experts in detail, or colour work, or shading, text, or reworking existing tattoos? tattoo artists specialise in the same way hair stylists do. i, for example, want artists who know how to craft very clean lines.my text on my right wrist was done by an artist that used to be sign writer and loves doing text work for that reason.
2. you get what you pay for. you want a tattooist who knows their craft and the industry, is using the latest inks and is passionate about their art form and wants to represent the craft well.
3. even if they do not share your ideology or worldview, a decent tattooist will respect you. but they will also know who they are. some tattoists have a very definite philosophy of the craft and have limits on what they will tattoo. for example, i have a bird. the artist, robin that inked it, would never, like many tattoo artists ink a bird or any moving image that wasn't facing the world with you, moving in your direction. ie. it can't face backwards. *that's* the kind of thing i appreciate. thought. care. an ideology. others will refuse to depict images of evil or satan. because they beleive it harms them as an artist. a good tattoo artist wants to respect their clients. the only way you can get a sense of a tattoo artist's philosophy is to talk to them. get their vibe. ask them about their work. you are paying them, so expect nothing less than the best of them. you know what it's like to have your hair cut but someone that doesn't care or hasn't tried to be an expert, or who's not interested in who you are as a client.

who do you want inking your body? making a permanent (unless you laser it off) statement of their art on your skin? someone who doesn't care who you are? sees you as just another in a line of paying customers? or do they want to connect with you and give you the best of their craft as they can?

so.
right up to the moment you sign the consent form, you can walk away. in fact, at any point you can make them stop. meet the person first. do an advance trip. this is quite normal and any decent studio will let you meet the artist and talk to them. get a sense of them, their rapport, their attitude, let you see that they are professional, clean, that the studio has your health and comfort and safety at the forefront. they should love what they do with a passion and be experts. it is *very* easy to tell when someone hasn't gone to the best.

PLACEMENT
any decent tatooist will understand physiology, and musculature in particular, and they will be meticulous about placement and will not start inking til the design is in *exactly* the right place. your body is their canvas. and it is not flat. and it moves. a good tattoo will enhance your musculature because it will follow the natural shape and lines of your body.

AFTERCARE
*really* do your research on this. there are different techniques. follow them to the letter. if your tattoo result is muddy and dull, it's down to 1. the inks used, 2. the application and 3. your aftercare.
having had several done i now know the method i think works best, with least pain. i'll definitely be looking to use the same product again. so when you are choosing a studio, ask them for explicit instructions and get them to explain their preferred method. it's not just about healing, but about yeilding the brightest cleanest results. it makes all the difference.

ON THE DAY
1. avoid any alcohol and caffeine in your system. both affect the blood and thus affect the result. plus, neither make you feel good during the process.
2. eat, so you are not on an empty stomach and drink lots of water. and take water with you or some should be provided. you might want to have a snack - a oatmeal bar or some nuts or something of that sort - in your bag. but i'd avoid high sugars. go for slow release energy foods. if you are feeling a little drained after as they high wears off that'll be good for you.

a good studio will take care of you and will want you to feel at ease, comfortable, minimise pain and the tatooist will talk to you constantly and ask you for feedback. if you are getting a large piece done, they will pace it for you and do it in stages. i find it's surprisingly relaxing. it gives you an endorphin rush and after only a few minutes you might even feel a little sleepy.

a big job will leave you, however, feeling drained. there is a limit on how long your body can keep producing adrenalin. common wisdom seems to be, 4 hours max before you'll crash and then the pain then increases exponentially. most tattooists have a time limit. plus it's tiring for them. so, the bigger the job, the more your health and comfort is a factor. a good tatooist will pause, will allow you moments to breathe and relax your body, move your limbs a bit so you don't cramp and will keep on checking you feel okay.
having tatoos of their own, they will also help you understand why it feels the way it does, and will be responsive and sensitive to your own reactions. even on a short, say 20 minute, tattoo and especially on a first tattoo, any good artist will be ultra careful to make sure you are guided through the experience so you don't feel nervous.
it is not half as painful as you think it will be. pain would never be a reason for me not to get a tattoo. some parts of the body are more painful than others. even on the least painful places, it is a physical experience and a strange one at that. no one can tell you how it will feel but it's a unique sensation. i find it best not to look at the needle while it's working.

make sure you allow yourself rest afterward, and avoid being bumped into. that really is painful. afterward i think it's like having had an injection for a tropical disease. the pain is deeper afterwards. a kind of heavy ache. but it is very temporary. avoid sleeping on it and in the morning it should feel much better. it'll just be tender rather than actually sore. the tattoo itself will sting a little like a fresh graze. so be very gentle when you come to washing it. have scrupulously clean hands when you clean and moisturise it.

so, that's my advice.
take time to do your research. arm yourself with information and find someone you think you can trust. taking time to research the studio you want to use gives you the time to be sure you know what you want done. you'll be happier with the result if you do.

LONG TERM
keep it moisturised. and always wear *very* high factor sun screen over it or keep it covered. this is especially vital when it is new. depending on time of year and how tanned you are will also affect how bright it looks.

oh, one last thing: go for bigger than you initially design. most people go smaller than they should. the results are nearly always better if you size them up. the studio can scale it up on the transfer.

remember, it's your tattoo. don't give a damn what anyone thinks. just make sure you love it.
and enjoy it. :)

and yes, it really is addictive.

LB

Little Bird

out with the old...

the call to live as an embodied prayer

The Disposables

midwinter

in need of solid ground

Know Hope

highly recommended, the map of faith

the breadcrumb trail, or redux, remix, remember

the soul was not meant for systems

A Ritual to Write to Each Other

Sonnet 43: How do I love thee, let me count the ways

some gb10 snaps

home from the 'belt

bibliophilia

if only I read the 'parable of the good Samaritan' like it meant something

c'est finis

ducking out of sight for a week

for the time of necessary decision

open source church...

three from Sully

music is real

hidden institutions

a breadcrumb trail; or, speaking of faith

the neighbo(u)rhood

standing up...

down on the farm with SoF

the kirk

one tired pony and a naked pastor

rigid theology..?

What Would Jesus Say?

connemara

open response...

some things never change...

it's (nearly) all relative

happy plants. happy faces.

wake up, church... and remember

divided by a common language

the carnival continues... UK edition

unison

roll up roll up the the carnival's come to town

take five...

wholeness is togetherness

five feet high and rising

all good things

risk of head exploding

making a positive difference

earth day

kill the hypothetical

mish mash ups odds n ends etc

not fair. not balanced.

frankly, i wouldn't recommend it. it's hideous. i just hope no trandsgender kid was in the room with this on the tv. o'reilly had the audacity to say he wasn't picking on kids -- after several minutes of displaying nothing short of intentional ridicule. ugh.

meditate this

thou best and dearest

tis a durge, that is murmured...

Instructions

bait and switch

footage and film stock(ings)

how to speak of faith

a matter of the imagination

the persistent newness

it's time for things to change

hard core poetry

sit by me

old favourites

so we might look outside our tiny mind boxes

recommended reading

together apart

"our tiny skull-sized kingdoms"

things i'm liking

spiritual warfare

for you, Valentine...

compassion in action

hope n change

things fall apart... mere anarchy is loosed

in a lopsided world...

nature goes wild, human wastes half an hour

"when the book's wrong..."

quick update

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